As Low Commander of the Super Soldiers reminded us, we have a duty to give people a place to talk about footbaw.
For your dick joking pleasure, we have a selection of:
- Tom Brady’s dumbass emails
- Arian Foster’s kerploderated groin for some team that nobody cares about
- Justin Blackmon’s career ending case of DGAF
- The fact that the Ravens have both Matt Schaub and Joe Flacco, the most boring QB duo ever
So make your jokey jokes, assholes.
Foster’s inability to stay healthy makes you wonder about the ability of someone that ingests no animal protein to maintain the peak musculoskeletal fitness necessary to play in the NFL.
I don’t know precisely why it is that I take such pleasure in Flacco–and now Schaub–are first mates to Bisciotti’s figurative SS Poonslayer. They are henchmen to a dude who looks like he’s a villain lost from a Miami Vice episode.
http://www.baltimoreravens.com/assets/images/imported/BAL/news-articles/2013/03-Mar/week-4/18_BisciottiOnFlacco_news.jpg
*The Hodor-Irsay pairing brings me equal amounts of glee
He looks like James Lipton’s cokehead younger brother.
Flacco looks like an alien’s poor attempt at replicating a human.
And he refers to every woman he meets as “Toots.”
Bisciotti looks like a guy who got his start selling Rolecks to tourists in Times Square.
My brother started a fantasy league last night. Apparently the response was very positive, and he’s seriously considering making it a 30-team league. His reasoning is that he wants the highest possible pot for the winner. How do I talk him out of this insanity?
I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but, I don’t think you can save him at this point. He’s clearly too far gone for help.
I want to know where your brother is getting his drugs.
He should find out the hard way that most leagues cap the number of teams. He may have to settle for *gasp 14 teams
I thought that league was already called ‘The NFL’ and it cost like a billion dollars to join? Was I misinformed?
Christ, I hope the draft isn’t three days long.
Who has Alfred Blue on his roster at $1 (keeper eligible) in a ridiculously competitive, 20-man roster auction league? THIS Hippo!
Basically, I can give one player a “20% raise” (can’t do this 2 years in a row) and one guy a “Top 5 positional average” (based on last year’s auction). Le’Veon was my 20% raise last year ($17 for the best back in the league, Top 5 average is $89). So, if Blue becomes the starter and I Top 5 Le’Veon, I have my starters set at $91 of my $250 budget, which is really awesome.
/nobody cares but me
Damn, and hear I thought I could have someone answer my question of what to do with my sports hernia. *sigh* I guess I’ll have to go to the doctor. Anyway. . .
Another groin injury for Arian Foster? He really should let someone else pull it for him.
In other news, the Ravens once again released a statement denying they gave the Colts just the tip about Brady’s deflated balls. Cause they know snitches get stitches.
Ray Lewis is still involved with the Ravens. You can’t be too careful…
MOAR OPIATES!!!
I have already dropped three 40% LEGIT (MAYBE) dumps today, and am definitely close to number four. I feel this is an apt metaphor for Washington’s and the Jets’ upcoming season.
I’d make a dick joke, but given that I was rejected from logging in multiple times (something about jetpack missing a token, and then when I reloaded the page, suddenly I was logged in), and the pages load so slowly I keep checking to make sure my cable hasn’t gone out, I think I completely forgot the joke I was going to make.
Something about a penis, though. Yeah.
The fact that this isn’t the first comment is very, very, very, very disappointing.
http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/2015-03/8/6/enhanced/webdr05/anigif_enhanced-21810-1425811780-2.gif
/very
Between Foster’s injury and Clowney’s dad playing OK Corral at a strip club, I’m perilously close to caring about the Texans.
Please hold me
Hard Knocks has stepped up it’s action this year to keep up with Game of Thrones.
I saw a pic of Flacco at training camp recently wearing a plain white tee shirt. I was like “WHOA! That thing better not be tagless, too, Johnny Rebel!”