9 Circles of Leasts – Week 1 Preseason

First Circle (Limbo) – Kevin White’s  shin – Severe shin splints lands Kevin White onto the PUP list leaving all Chicago fans to say “Yeah but look what ODB did in New York”

Second Circle (Lust) – Brandon Weeden – Know what it takes to make a drunken party boy look good? Have Brandon Weeden play infront of him.

Third Circle (Gluttony) – James Stark – Half-assed playing and missing assignments in the first week will soon have the Packers treating him like Ned Stark when it comes to picking a team of 53.

Fourth Circle (Greed) – Eli manning’s contract demand – Eli wants to be the highest paid QB in the NFL. This is a nice tactic seeing how he is in the last year of his contract and then could get a franchise tag and receive about 25 Million Next season. Besides Eli needs the money because people keep taking his milk money while at practice.

Fifth Circle (Anger) – Mike Adams –  The rookie OT played 9 plays before hurting his knee. Usually, that would put him in Limbo, however, during those 9 plays he gave up 2.5 sacks and pretty much just held onto the guy in front of him. Enough to have anyone yelling at their screen.

Sixth Circle (Heresy) – NFL Pundits – Asking a QB a question on how he prepares for a game then cutting their response to “I think I’m the greatest QB in the NFL” is dumb. You have me defending RGIII here folks. He answered the question about confidence and get torn to shreds because he answered it honestly and didn’t give us some jagoff answer like the “greats” do.

Seventh Circle (Violence) – Jets – The Carolina Panthers out played the Jets and not just in a  “My 3rd string team is better than yours” kind of way. The Jets starting Defense looked shaky and their offense worse. Ryan Fitzpatrick may have gone to Harvard and possibly scored the highest score on the Wonderlic Test, but he has yet to win as many games as Vince Young. (That has not been researched, but it sounds like it could be true, which makes it sound worse)

Eight Circle (Fraud) – Bill Belichick – You know what starting Tom Brady who was off sightseeing in New York rather than practicing shows a complete lack of leadership.

Ninth Circle (Treachery) – Goodell – The Teflon don himself had NFL owners come out and say that Goodell isn’t under nay pressure to uphold  the Brady Suspension. And to cap things off Goodell had his lawyer threaten to expand the suspension if the court rules in favor of the NFL just to send a message.

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Beerguyrob

I would have thought Tebow would grace the list, if only because his continued presence will drive corpulent Eagles fans mad.

laserguru

AND Kelvin Benjamin of the Panthers is carted of the field. Adjust your fantasy receiver expectations accordingly.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just throw him in the ice bath; he’s designed to be at his best at colder temperatures.

Lothar of the Hill People

Just remember, at zero Kelvin, all motion stops.

Beerguyrob

I’ve always got love for a science joke.

blackroseMD1
Horatio Cornblower

Christ Goodell is such an asshole I find myself rooting for Brady and I’m positive he knew all about the deflating.

Way to go Roger.

montythisseemsstrangetome

“Christ Goodell” is what he makes all his underlings call him while they’re waiting to eat pizza.

Enrico Pallazzo

I applaud Kevin White’s shin. It takes a real body part to go on strike instead of being a teammate of Catler.

chazz_goodtimes

i feel like the Texans failing to score in 7 straight opportunities inside the 1 yard line deserves some mention.

chazz_goodtimes

Fair enough – if it weren’t for HardKnocks I probably wouldn’t have even known about it. It just looked so bad on the HBO cameras- they weren’t even close on a single play and I don’t think one even went to replay.

King Hippo

I would LOVE an expanded, full-season suspension. The Masshole fury would be glorious.

/we could worry about the dictatorial precedent later. AT LEAST HE MADE THE TRAINS RUN ON TIME ,, PPL FORGET THAT!!!!

Brick Meathook
Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

God I love him. Some of his derp faces are truly Marmalardian.

Brick Meathook

I somehow deleted that myself. Here it is again, in all it’s Eli Gloreee-Boyness.

http://i.imgur.com/5BPCB2D.jpg

WCS

“HUURRRRRRR”

All the Farts

If the Brady suspension is extended, hopefully it goes to week 7 (first Dolphins – Patriots match-up)

montythisseemsstrangetome

You mispeled fokls,,, smgdh. goood job thought