A Conversation About The Rams

This is a transcript of a conversation overheard at another table about the St. Louis Rams, soon to be the Los Angeles Rams of Inglewood.

The actors involved are:

Fat guy with mullet (FGWM)

Skinny guy with mullet (SGWM)

Guy In Camo (GIC)

Wife With Perm (WWP)

Here is their story.

FGWM: So, the Rams this year.

SGWM: Eh, who gives a shit? The Rams suck, and have sucked, and will suck next year.

GIC: Listen, they did some stuff! The defense is good, and they brought in a new guy at Quarterback, and they drafted that big Georgia kid to run the ball! They should be good!

FGWM: They also drafted half of their line this year, to add to the guys here that already sucked.

SGWM: Whole side of the line is rookies. Big, fat goddamned rookies.

WWP: Another round of Bud Light Limes!

GROSS

GIC: Yeah, but Foles is good! He made the Pro Bowl or some shit!

This guy is an NFL football player. Via ESPN

FGWM: Listen, Foles may be average. And that would be an upgrade on what they’ve had over the last two years. But average isn’t good. It’s average! The receivers aren’t good enough to make him better, they have a first time dude calling plays, and for the love of sweet baby Jesus, there’s 2 goddamned rookies and a bunch of castoffs on the line. Foles is gonna get murdered waiting on those giant receivers to get open, or on Tavon Austin to break a damned jam at the line. Then we’re back to watching backups get their asses handed to them.

GIC: But Gurley (heh heh) is gonna be real good. He’s like Adrian Peterson without all of the kid beatin’!

He Looks Thrilled To Be Here. Via Fansided

SGWM: I must’ve missed it when he didn’t get hurt in college every goddamned year. But oh, with a crappy line full’a rookies I’m sure he’ll stay healthier. Dumbass.

WWP: Fireball shots and toasted raviolis!

FGWM: Look, we all know the score here. The Rams are leaving and we’re gonna all have to root for the Chiefs or whatever. It’s true! So who really gives two shits about what the Rams do here? LA Ram fans want them to suck because then we won’t come to the games. The NFL wants an excuse for them to leave, so they hope they suck so we don’t go. We KNOW they will suck because they are a football team in St. Louis and it’s not 1999-2001. Stan Kroenke is gonna pack up his stupid little mustache and his Wal-Mart money and the Rams and take it all to Los Angeles. So good riddance. Take your overrated defense and your boring offense and get the hell out of my city. And take Jeff Fisher’s overrated ass with you.

WWP: /Passes out into a cracker pizza

End Scene

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
DTZM escaped his dark timeline through a wormhole created by Lord Screech, after he destroyed Bayside for never allowing him to mate with Lisa Turtle. Zach now lives a quiet life in St. Louis with his wife, Darkest Timeline Kelly Kapowski. They have no children, but do have the world's cutest dogs.
Subscribe
Notify of
41 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
montythisseemsstrangetome

I don’t get it, what does this have to do with the Cardinals’ pennant race?

WhyEaglesWhy

I really liked Stan Kroenke in “Boardwalk Empire”.

War on I-4 1997

So what, 6-10 for all of eternity.

War on I-4 1997

That looks tasty

aceg

Having exited St. Louis via Washington University, I really miss toasted ravioli…

Sill Bimmons
Enrico Pallazzo

The only thing missing from this masterpiece was Leonard Little driving over the table.

jjfozz

When Stan Kroenke isn’t owning a football team, I think he’s busy twirling that mustache and tying damsels to train tracks.

Lothar of the Hill People

Are their cheerleaders called the Ewes? Or the Ram-ettes?

Lothar of the Hill People

I still want to get a gigantic Bavarian beer mug with the St. Louis logo and call it my Ramm-Stein.

jjfozz

Tell her to call me, I still have her pom poms in the back of my Z-28

badgerbrawp293

I think they are called The Sheep

SonOfSpam

Where were their thoughts on Ferguson?

(j/k buncha outta control animals obvs)

Beerguyrob

I kept waiting for an appearance from Cape Girardeau ‘Nobama’ guy.

scotchnaut

The Greatest Show On Derp?

Doktor Zymm

There’s an episode of Dragnet where Gannon and Friday are trying to watch an LA Rams game, but keep getting interrupted by neighbors. The game is most likely a 1967 game played in L.A. On October 8th against the 49rs. San Francisco won 27-24.

ThePirateSloth

Remember, everything that is anything worth eating, was invented, by accident, in St. Louis.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St._Louis_cuisine

scotchnaut

“Provel” cheese? Let me guess a mixture of provolone and Velveeta?

...

The less you know, the better.

Old School Zero

Give me the fried ravioli and I’ll listen to whatever you have to say.

...

One of the most irritated things about that damned city is that while their fried ravioli is a tasty bar food/snack (but let’s not act as if it’s some amazing invention as people fry the shit out things all the time) they INSIST upon calling it “toasted” ravioli.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Too many long words for our fine South County denizens. Otherwise, great writing.

Why Thank You Eddie

I was fixin to read this too. Spawler alert!

blaxabbath

Want to preview Foles’ Rams? See the 2014 Cardinals’ last four games with Ryan Lindley at the helm. You go from kinda leaning on the running game and very much leaning on the defense to have zero RB options left and just praying for a kneel down every play because it means the clock keeps running and there is no chance of a pick-6.

Sorry Rams fans, without Michael Sam, your defense just won’t be good enough.

Lothar of the Hill People

You mean that their defense won’t be gay enough.

WCS

You mean distracted enough.

laserguru

The 131 L.A. Rams fans applaud.

Cuntler

Can you applaud while ramming it all day and ramming it all night?

/THEY’LL BE ROCKING L.A., SO LET’S RAM IT TODAY.

Cuntler

I take it “Guy in Cardinals Shirt and Jorts” and “Racist Guy in Cardinals ‘Trader’ Pujols Jersey Who Also Hates Gay People” were in the restroom?

/great write up, especially the “GROSS” caption

Cuntler

UH OH. DID SOMEONE SAY RAMS?!?!??