Atlanta, get ready. The Sex Cannon has arrived, and he’s going to ride you all the way.
The last time a force like me came inside you, you burned to the ground. This time, I’m going to make you scream my name and want my HARD passes and sexy cumpleations. Because seriously, just look at how limp is Matt Ryan when it’s time to perform. Ever since I became aware of my amazing sexual prowess, I’ve been training harder and longer to unleash the dragon once again. While it is true that I’m getting older and deep balls aren’t as deep, that doesn’t mean I can please my partners as well as back in the glory days. Looking back, I’m amazed how I survived my days in Chicago without permeant erectile dysfunction. Just look at the men who joined the Bears and were never the same. Just limp-dicked shells of their former sexiness.
The struggle continued. I slung my cum in Houston and DC. I even cuddled with them afterwards, but they didn’t appreciate it. Miami called, but pussied out before the first date.
But I survived. And I learned. And I’m back – sexier, HARDER, than ever. You know you wanted me, and now you’re in the Sex Cannon’s arms, just ready to bend over and go all the way. You thought it got hot during when Deion played? It’s about to get hotter. Remember the last time you went to the Super Bowl? You know I would have rode the Broncos HARD AND LONG all game long. Sure, Anderson would have gotten some now and then. Even sexual stallions like Sex Cannon need breaks. But then, I would throwgasm all over the turf and take home the Lombardi.
You know what’s coming, and there’s nothing you can do, outside of a little lube. But I like it rough. I’m hard and ready to go balls-deep into the playoffs. I’m not the starter now, but they don’t call him Matty Ice because he likes it hot.
2015 is going to be the hottest and most EROTIC season of professional football, because THE SEX CANNON IS BACK.