Request Line: Twisted Steel and Sex Appeal with Rex Grossman

Folks, there isn’t as single place on this planet where Rex Grossman hasn’t made the ladies holler. Hotels, motels, planes, trains, sailboats, nightclubs, haylofts, changing rooms, dorm rooms, coat rooms, operating rooms, Mike Shanahan’s office, circus tents, ski lifts, elevators, balconies, vineyards, movie theaters, backstage, ON stage, alleys, horse-drawn carriages, shipping containers, campers, trailers, log cabins, treehouses, saunas, phone booths…just name a place where two bodies can fit in the space, and I can guarantee you the Sex Cannon has slipped in, fired off a salvo, and slipped out, leaving behind nothing but a few lingering echoes and a deeply satisfied hussy quivering in a slick little puddle of her own juices. Why, not more than five minutes ago your Libidosaurus Rex sent a randy little Rocket Queen straight into orbit right here in this very studio.

It’s true, folks, there’s pretty much no place on earth where I’m not ready to send a pretty pair of legs pointing to opposite corners of the sky.  But for all my experience, there’s no better place to fuck a woman senseless than in the back of a car on a hot summer night. For some reason when he’s around all that chrome and leather the Rex is ready as hell to do some serious balling. [Takes huge huff of fingertips] Is that gasoline I smell? Or is it pussy? Maybe it’s both.

But if there’s one universal truth about fucking in a car, it’s that you need good tunes to get that engine startin’ and those thighs a-partin’. Tonight on Twisted Steel and Sex Appeal with Rex Grossman, I’ll be taking two kinds of requests. From the females – what position* you’d like to be in when Rex downshifts into second gear and sends your RPMs past the redline. From everyone else – songs that Rexy can listen to while he’s pumping your lady full of Rexaco’s finest high-octane unleaded in the back seat of a Mustang. Or in the front seat. Or on the hood. Or stretched out in the back of a van. Or in the bed of a truck.  Fuck yeah.

Mmmm.  I’m hard again already.

*This is a little joke – everyone knows that the only position with Rex is POLE POSITION.  -ed

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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[…] DJ 3000: ACCORDING TO MY MEMORY BANKS THAT WAS ONE OF THE VERY FIRST ONES. […]

Big Black Richard

If there’s a song that gets the ladies hotter than this one, I haven’t found it.

Big Black Richard

Youtube won’t let me be great!

https://youtu.be/bdpIP9wyjQM

Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood

Chuck Berry knows a little something about vehicular shenanigans- No Particular Place to Go.

The Sex Cannon would never let a seat belt get in the way of good lovin’ thoug…

http://youtu.be/t6OS_ItMGpc

Lamarr Houston Sack Dance

This might be a little too subtle for sexy rexy, but it was either this or Calling Dr. Love. I’m just stuck in a KISS mood now.

in case the embed doesn’t work… https://youtu.be/vCo2QMJcsDg

WCS

WICKED!

trollsoharduniversity

You ain’t a beauty but hey you’re alright

Former C-G-U-O

As for the song request, have to go with Sex on Wheelz by My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult. Afraid I can’t post the link at work.

Former C-G-U-O

Gonna see my lady friend for the first time in a few weeks tomorrow. The Sex Cannon’s triumphant return to the Shield has to be a good omen. I may even have to break out my old #8 Bears jersey for Sunday morning for the first time since Super Bowl XLI.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Whoa! Mind blown; you only have to stay on for eight seconds.

laserguru

Got to drop some Crue, Dude!

On a related note, the first few times I heard this I was hearing “Too fat for love”. To each his own, I suppose.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Rex already had his pants down before he realized they were just doughnuts.

http://41.media.tumblr.com/6b1a8c2ac578e66d5abe3af6f291e211/tumblr_nj5sgqu94v1rqy6sqo1_500.jpg

WCS

Tool was so impressed by Rex’s prowess, they wrote this in adulation:

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ssi_bulldawg

I wonder how long until Prince pulls this off the tubes:
https://youtu.be/1Lmq6RDn5O8

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Athletic talent runs in the family, for instance Rex’s grandmother……..

http://33.media.tumblr.com/afe05a950c304886c7bf12c4d62b0619/tumblr_mxdhnw4tFV1qmrsmho1_400.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

And, when it’s time to slow things down a bit…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Rumor has it, Rex heard this on his dad’s record player when he was but a young lad, and it was that precise moment he knew what he was put on Earth to do.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Sexy Rexy loves ’em, and leaves ’em.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
mclamb86

New Soilwork out today (if anybody cares)!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wLXeWKGRpM

Lothar of the Hill People

I like to think Sexy Rexy drives a Camaro with the t-top open, blaring this little Whitesnake gem:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCwcF8LwKO4

ssi_bulldawg

Something tells me the Cannon will be spending some time getting to know the girls, girls, girls at Tattletales

ssi_bulldawg
ThePirateSloth

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ThePirateSloth

This must have been Rexy’s favorite scene in Natural Born Killers:

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

NEXT TIME DON’T BE SO GODDAMNED EAGER!

/fuck, I love that movie

//fuck, I love that soundtrack

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
laserguru

The songs have taken a decidedly “hairy” turn.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Moose will be here with a Debby Harry reply… just give him like 8 hours.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Cuntler

This seems to fit.

blaxabbath

You know there must be some Just Friends/Hutch/etc type backstory about a woman that a young Rex couldn’t lock down and, as a result, has turned him into the womanizer he is.

And when he again crosses paths with this woman — and I think we can all agree that we hope it is Lisa Friel — then this will be the song that plays during his memories montage.

https://youtu.be/22C_xlt05GY

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I was thinking he was 13, a strong armed jr. high school QB, his mom’s friend saw him get out of the shower one day. She then schooled him the the art of Amour.

ThePirateSloth

makeitsnowondem

Here’s a song from Death Cab about fucking in cars.

Cuntler

I guess Summer Roberts needs a good shag now and again.

King Hippo

I’m secure enough in my masculinity to admit that I love teh Death Cab.

/just listened to “What Sarah Said” too many times in a row because I am a dead inside bleak motherfucker.

jjfozz
jjfozz

For when you’re bringing the thunder, Sexy Rexy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYjlisHj6EM

jjfozz
King Hippo

I assume this is what the young people are fucking in cars to nowadays. There are longer versions of this available on teh YouTube, but more than 7 minutes and my back is really gonna fucking hurt (and hey, that’s still more that double FotC’s “Business Time”):

Cuntler

I love that episode of South Park.

http://media.mtvnservices.com/embed/mgid:arc:video:southparkstudios.com:f74ea346-ed00-11e0-aca6-0026b9414f30

Edit: Removed the embed because of the auto-play. Jesus, that sucked.

Winnebago Warrior
Cuntler

“Hey, that’s MY song.” – Nacho

laserguru

Or you could go this way.

laserguru

Well, I’m gonna have to go this way:

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A band that blew their entire load in one song.

Cuntler

Duh.

King Hippo

IN the car, not ON the car ,, smgdh

Cuntler

. . . unleaded in the back seat of a Mustang. Or in the front seat. Or on the hood. Or stretched out in the back of a van. Or in the bed of a truck. Fuck yeah.

SMH way harder at you SMH, IMO.

King Hippo

As one of the #BFIB, one can only expect so much reading comprehension…

Cuntler

comment image

King Hippo

I certainly DO feel that way after being up until like 1:15 last night. Damned west coast trips and damned Dirt Stillers refusing to ever lose again so I can feel comfortable skipping a game or two.

My regular room temperature IQ is in the Sling Blade range today. And I have an EPL Weekend AND Donks preview to write…

Cuntler

Why obsess? The Cardinals are going to lose in the playoffs to the Giants/Mets/Pirates anyway (just not the Dodgers). Just come to terms with it. Your life will be better off.

montythisseemsstrangetome

And yes, I know the Cardinals are going to lose the NLDS to a team that finishes like 15 games behind them in the regular season.

Cuntler

It would be very Cardinals to drop the division to the Pirates, and then win the whole fucking thing. You guys should be actively rooting for them to tank.

http://hypervocal.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/braves-infield-fly-rule.jpg

King Hippo

No, because if we had to play the Small Bears in a one-game play-in, pretty sure I would kill myself in advance JUST IN CASE.

montythisseemsstrangetome

The great thing about that game too was that it was Chipper Jones’ final game, and he made a key error.

Cuntler

That would be amazing. If the Cardinals lost to the Cubs in the playoffs . . . so many sad jort-wearing racists.

/But they would give the Cubs a standing ovation when they lose, right?

montythisseemsstrangetome
Cuntler

I wish trader bird would auto-embed. Oh well.