[DFOnline] Insert Disc Joke Here

We’re Mike Wallace & Gromit, and welcome to DFOnline! Gromit doesn’t talk much, so I will be your host for this weekly video game discussion and disc joke playground!

JUST HEAD IT INTO THE GOAL HOW FUCKING HARD IS THAT?!

That may or may not be an accurate quote from one of my many, many hours of playing Football Manager. How many hours you ask, well let’s just fire up the…


You know what, not important. Let’s move on.

Any of us that have experienced the joy and pain of guiding little digital men around a screen until they do the thing and score the points, know the draw of sports games. It’s incredibly rewarding when you win and enragingly frustrating when you lose. Now imagine that experience except you have no direct control over what the glorious fuckwits running around are actually doing. You can only yell vague instructions (as an actual part of the game, separate from the very real profanity and oaths of vengeance you curse at your monitor) and change big picture tactics during the game. That’s Football Manager.

Some people will tell you it’s mostly playing a sophisticated spreadsheet. There’s some truth to that, but I find it very engaging to find talented players, bring them into the team, and mold them all together with a custom tactic into an unstoppable machine. It’s also fun to see the deep simulation create all sorts of narratives on its own by adding just a bit of imagination to connect some dots. A wonderful and deep sports world is laid out before you.

I’ve taken tiny English club Hampton & Richmond Borough and brought them all the way up to the Barclay’s Premier League to compete against the big boys. It’s the year 2028 in my game and it feels like I’m just getting started.

So, fellow Commentists, what’s getting your drive hard at the moment?

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MikeWallaceAndGromit
DFO's resident gamer of the video and board variety.
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Porky Prime

Been playing my PS2 copy of Pinball Hall of Fame. I know it’s on the HD systems but babies need shit and shit. Specifically been on Funhouse. I hate that annoying creepy fucking shit talker puppet, but I love the game.

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Bloody Lethal

So last week I take VA Tech on the moneyline +505 and they’re looking good… until the QB breaks his collarbone.

Today it’s ND -12 and it’s looking good. The QB breaks his ankle.

Someone is trying to tell me something….

ballsofsteelandfury

Please tell us who you are betting on next week!

Please be the Patriots. Please be the Patriots.

Bloody Lethal

I can use these powers for good.

makeitsnowondem

God’s trying to tell you that gambling is a sin. But only your God. All our Gods are still cool with it.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Computer solitaire, anyone? You should try it, it’s a blast.

ballsofsteelandfury

I honestly wish Pong still existed with the dial controls. The dial really made that game work.

Porky Prime

The king paddle game was Warlords.

ballsofsteelandfury

I have heard so much about Football Manager, but I haven’t had a chance to play it let alone buy it. I remember this story:

http://soccerlens.com/from-playing-football-manager-to-being-a-football-manager/66668/

Realistically, though, if I’m going to play video games, I’ll most likely end up doing some sort of racing game. I do have a wheel that my brother used to have that I’m dying to use…

indieguy

This seems like a good place to leave this https://youtu.be/57wDKtVmnGE

makeitsnowondem

Just completed a longtime video game goal by finishing Mass Effect 3 on the Insanity difficulty setting.

It’s probably going to be The Witcher II next, at least until Fallout 4 comes out. The first Witcher annoyed me so much that I’m having trouble getting psyched up for the sequel, but I bought it a while back on a sale and I’ve heard it really is much better than the original.

Senor Weaselo

Unfortunately I don’t have sweet, sweet console game money at the moment or else I’d have a 3DS with Smash, Ocarina, Majora’s Mask, etc.. So it’s been crappy App Store games mostly. (Madden Mobile is more addicting than I’d admit.)

On a related note, Infinity Blade III is free today. I still need to play the second one, but don’t mind if I just pick that up now.