Your Monday Night AFC East Disemboweling Open Thread

Let’s not regard this game tonight as the end of week whateveritis but see it for what it could be. This, this my friends is the beginning of a long, glorious week of sport-making that could cause the most loyal and understanding of significant others to say, “You’re watching sports AGAIN?”. Whatever you want you’ll get it. NFL Football? Natch. European football? Got it. Hockey? Got it. College AND NBA basketball? Got it. Something that is not-Baseball? YOU ARE COVERED. It’s a perfect ksunami (I prefer the silent “k”) of wonderfulness that is rarely equalled. Think back to the last week of July…..it was a living nightmare wasn’t it? Now fast-forward to today. This future’s so goddamn bright I’ve gotta throw shade. So watch that Cavs game tonight. Take in the Rangers. Check out the Spurs. I’m going to grab a piece of the LSU/Marquette tilt ce soir so that I can see with my own two eye-holes what the big fuss is about with this Ben Simmons kid. Don’t fight it. Just let the myriad sports options wash over you and bathe in their luxurious, soapy…umm, gotta go!

Buf @ NE: There are two scenarios here. 1. It’s a blow-out right out of the gate, like Secretariat at Belmont-level. 2. Rex comes up with a great game plan, hangs with the P*ts and goes in tied or slightly ahead at half-time. The problem is the damn mother-lover that coaches the home team will make the necessary adjustments and Rex will spend the second half looking up at the Jumbotron and thinking, “Huh, well that’s not working any more”. After the two touchdown loss he’ll wander into the press conference and talk about “key errors”, “lousy execution” and “he out-coaches me every time because my in-game defensive changes suck balls”. Happens every time.

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King Hippo

Took me 12 minutes to flip through the 4th quarter on the DVR. No surprises, the only tension was whether it would be a backdoor cover or push to ruin my perfect week of imaginary gambling.

Also, seems a bad idea to leave one’s QB on the field for a two-minute drill with a re-fucked up collarbone, but what do I know.

Bloody Lethal

It pushed for me GODDAMNIT.

Porky Prime

If Bill Belichick had been Hitler, we’d all be speaking German.

This is the nicest thing I can say about Bill Belichick.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Two late in the evening thoughts for you all:

1) I just ate an ungodly amount of steak
2) I have the song “Rock Lobster” in my head

makeitsnowondem

choc lobster

Brick Meathook

You should eat steak & lobster on special occasions. It is also known as “surf & turf.” Two of God’s beloved creatures that will only truly meet each other for the first time on the plate in front of you. And then you eat them, and complete the cycle of life.

Bloody Lethal

And all the music’s seeping through?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57RIlznOpDM

Porky Prime
makeitsnowondem

I would only call the Rex Ryan play on fourth and feet.

Brick Meathook

http://i.imgur.com/ic3HPlN.jpg

I can’t tell if this guy is a stinkin’ moslem or a stinkin’ jew or one of them asshole christian. Maybe he’s one of them goddam hindus.

Porky Prime

And homo. Don’t forget the homo.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

In 40 years, that kid will always brag how he got closer to Kate Upton’s boobs than any of his friends.

makeitsnowondem

Steve Young, man. The Patriots are a championship team playing like a championship team because they absorbed the loss of good receiver Julian Edelman for one game. The Cowboys are a non-championship team because they fell apart after losing the top-five passer-receiver duo of Romo and Bryant for like half the season.

Sometimes I just want to put all the football on mute forever.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And Steve Young is one of the good ones.

Mormons, obviously.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve actually started doing that. No more announcers for Balls. I was inspired by Zen Catler and I have to say it’s really worked out quite well.

makeitsnowondem

Loved this gag so much.

Porky Prime

The episodes which followed seemed more tame. I wonder if Muppet Studios had alternate scenes ready in case of the butthurt soccer moms. We’ll likely never know.

ballsofsteelandfury

Damn, this league sucks!

Sharkbait

I dont want to see your in and out combo there Mr. Lewis.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

A young Jared from Subway learns his craft by filming his neighbors.

Sill Bimmons

THE MAN’S BALD HEAD IS MORE THAN TWICE AS TALL AS MY BALD HEAD HOLY FUCK IS SCOTT VAN PELT SCARY AS FUCK

Lothar of the Hill People

comment image

Sharkbait

ESPN nowhere near the sidelines with an open mic. Pussies.

makeitsnowondem

Well, today wasn’t a total loss. I excommunicated Mike Huckabee.

Sill Bimmons

Scott Van Pelt looks like a MethWalker or some shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m really surprised they didn’t rule that sideline catch as a touchdown for the Patriots.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

He can’t have been down in bounds. He wasnt touched

makeitsnowondem

Right? What the shit just happened there?

Brick Meathook
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

No, but…he wasn’t touched

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I linked that song earlier.

Old School Zero

/wank

The Maestro

HAIL SATAN

10-0

Sharkbait

Not pretty but WOOOOOOOOOO

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

He wasn’t touched

Sill Bimmons

BOMBS AWAY

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