My cunning plan went exactly as well as Blackadder’s do, so I am down to 50% of the original stakes at an even $100. On the other side of the ledger, WhyEaglesWhy is almost $100 up getting really close to the $300 mark. King Hippo had a monster perfect week and is now at a healthy $262. DTZM decided to sit it out again and remains in third (excellent strategy!) with $142. Is this the week that I pull a Hippo and go all in? Am I on tilt? Read on!
Balls of Steel
I decided NOT to go all in Hippo-style as there wasn’t any particular game I liked that much. In poker terms, I’m looking at a 10-J suited. Something playable, but nothing worth going all in on.
One of the good things about doing my picks last this week is that I am able to comment on others’ picks. I join WhyEaglesWhy and DTZM in thinking the Falcons are absolute dog puke. It’s a good thing King Hippo didn’t pick the Jaguras too or we would have all been doomed. Stakes: $11 to win $10.
I have Mike Evans on my Fantasy Football team. Which got eliminated from the playoffs last week. Which means he will go off this week. I will join King Hippo and take the Bucs plus the 2.5. Stakes: $11 to win $10.
WhyEaglesWhy
King Hippo is bringing the heat, and I’m going to have to stay on my toes to hold onto the lead. Time to take some chances.
GIANTS +4.5 over Panthers – Yep. This is the week. Stakes: $11 to win $10.
Cardinals -3.5 over EAGLES – I keep trying to imagine a scenario in which the Eagles win this game. Still trying. Stakes: $22 to win $20.
JAGUARS -3 over Falcons – This is the week I finally give up on the Falcons. Which means they probably win. Stakes: $11 to win $10.
DTZM
Oh, man, I’m excited to be back. I know I haven’t been around much, but I’ve been off fighting the hackers and enemies of DFO in foreign lands and just haven’t been able to tell you EXACTLY which bets to not make. So, here we go – let’s curse some assholes!
Ok, we’ll start with Atlanta at Jacksonville. Somehow, nobody in Vegas has gotten the memo that Atlanta is in full-on giveup and Jacksonville is running wild on fools. Good lord, they’re getting 3, at home, against an Atlanta team that’s lost 6 straight and 7 of 8 overall. Matt Ryan looks D-U-N and Blake Borltes is ASCENDING to be the kind of fantasy QB you love to get in the 10th round. Jacksonville wins this one in a laugher, and the Falcons continue to not give a shit. $44 to win $40.
Arizona is headed to the battery capital of the world this week to take on the Eagles, and they’re giving up 3.5 to Sam Bradford. Now, I know Philly has played well recently, but Carson Palmer is going to demolish these guys. The Arizona defense has been shutting down bad passing offenses all season, and, coincidentally, that’s what Philly brings to the table. Philly also has no idea who’s getting carries, and don’t have a receiver who can get separation. Arizona covers 3.5 with their eyes closed. $33 to win $30.
King Hippo
I followed my 0-for-4 with a 4-for-4. WHAT A COUNTRY!
Bucs +2.5 over RAMS. According to the line, pre-Los Angeles is only a half-point lesser than Tampa Bay. Child, please. Bet $33 to win $30.
Bengals -4.5 over 49ERS. For some strange reason, I think A.J. McCarron is gonna light up Tomsula’s bunch. And that the Bungles’ front seven is definitely bringing a little more heat than THE FLOW can handle. Bet $22 to win $20.
Name Balls of Steel Initial Bankroll: 200
| Pick # | Favorite | Underdog | Line | Wager | Winner? | Winnings | Bankroll Balance |
| 1 | San Diego |
Detroit | 3 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 210.00 |
| 2 | Minnesota | San Francisco | 2.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 199.00 |
| 3 | Tennessee | Cleveland | 1 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 188.00 |
| 4 | Philadelphia | Dallas | 5.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 198.00 |
| 5 | NY Jets | Philly | 2.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 208.00 |
| 6 | Indianapolis | Tennessee | 3 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 218.00 |
| 7 | Oakland | Chicago | 3 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 207.00 |
| 8 | Buffalo | Tennessee | 2.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 217.00 |
| 9 | Kansas City | Chicago | 9 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 227.00 |
| 10 | Green Bay | St. Louis | 9 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 216.00 |
| 11 | St. Louis | Cleveland | 5.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 205.00 |
| 12 | Arizona | Baltimore | 7.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 194.00 |
| 13 | New England | Miami | 8 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 183.00 |
| 14 | Kansas City | Detroit | 5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 172.00 |
| 15 | Minnesota | Chicago | 1.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 182.00 |
| 16 | Pittsburgh | Oakland | 4 | 22 | Y | 20.00 | 202.00 |
| 17 | Washington | New Orleans | PK | 11 | N | -11.00 | 191.00 |
| 18 | New England | NY Giants | 7 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 201.00 |
| 19 | Miami | Dallas | PK | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 211.00 |
| 20 | Seattle | San Francisco | 12.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 200.00 |
| 21 | New England | Buffalo | 7 | 11 | PUSH | 0 | 200.00 |
| 22 | New England | Denver | 3 | 55 | N | -55.00 | 145.00 |
| 23 | NY Jets | NY Giants | 2.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 134.00 |
| 24 | Miami | Baltimore | 4 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 144.00 |
| 25 | Buffalo | Houston | 3 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 133.00 |
| 26 | Carolina | Atlanta | 7.5 | 33 | N | -33.00 | 100.00 |
| 27 | St. Louis | Tampa Bay | 2.5 | 11 | -11.00 | 89.00 | |
| 28 | Jacksonville | Atlanta | 3 | 11 | -11.00 | 78.00 |
Name WhyEaglesWhy Initial Bankroll: 200
| Pick # | Favorite | Underdog | Line | Wager | Winner? | Winnings | Bankroll Balance |
| 1 | Denver | Baltimore | 4.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 189.00 |
| 2 | Houston | Kansas City | 1 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 199.00 |
| 3 | Carolina | Houston | 3 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 188.00 |
| 4 | NY Giants | Atlanta | 3 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 198.00 |
| 5 | Philadelphia | Dallas | 5.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 208.00 |
| 6 | Cleveland | Oakland | 3.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 218.00 |
| 7 | Miami | Buffalo | 3 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 228.00 |
| 8 | Oakland | Chicago | 3 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 217.00 |
| 9 | Philadelphia | New Orleans | 4.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 206.00 |
| 10 | Arizona | Detroit | 2.5 | 22 | Y | 20.00 | 226.00 |
| 11 | Houston | Indianapolis | 1 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 236.00 |
| 12 | New England | Indianapolis | 7.5 | 22 | N | -22.00 | 214.00 |
| 13 | Philadelphia | NY Giants | 4.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 203.00 |
| 14 | St. Louis | Cleveland | 5.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 192.00 |
| 15 | Miami | Houston | 4 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 202.00 |
| 16 | Washington | Tampa Bay | 3 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 191.00 |
| 17 | Kansas City | Detroit | 5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 180.00 |
| 18 | Minnesota | Chicago | 1.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 169.00 |
| 19 | New Orleans | NY Giants | 3 | 11 | Push | 0 | 169.00 |
| 20 | Pittsburgh | Cincinnati | PK | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 179.00 |
| 21 | Baltimore | San Diego | 3.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 189.00 |
| 22 | Atlanta | San Francisco | 7 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 178.00 |
| 23 | New York Giants | Tampa Bay | 2.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 188.00 |
| 24 | San Diego | Chicago | 4 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 198.00 |
| 25 | Oakland | Minnesota | 3 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 208.00 |
| 26 | Seattle | Arizona | 3 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 218.00 |
| 27 | Miami | Dallas | PK | 22 | Y | 20.00 | 238.00 |
| 28 | Washington | Dallas | 4.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 227.00 |
| 29 | Denver | San Diego | 4 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 237.00 |
| 30 | Seattle | Minnesota | PK | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 247.00 |
| 31 | Tennessee | Jacksonville | 2.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 257.00 |
| 32 | New England | Philadelphia | 9.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 267.00 |
| 33 | Cincinnati | Pittsburgh | 2.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 277.00 |
| 34 | St. Louis | Detroit | PK | 11 | N | -11.00 | 266.00 |
| 35 | New England | Houston | 3 | 33 | Y | 30.00 | 296.00 |
| 36 | Carolina | NY Giants | 4.5 | 11 | -11.00 | 285.00 | |
| 37 | Arizona | Philadelphia | 4.5 | 22 | -22.00 | 263.00 | |
| 38 | Jacksonville | Atlanta | 3 | 11 | -11.00 | 252.00 |
Name King Hippo Initial Bankroll: 200
| Pick # | Favorite | Underdog | Line | Wager | Winner? | Winnings | Bankroll Balance |
| 1 | Green Bay | Chicago | 7 | 22 | N | -22.00 | 178.00 |
| 2 | Cincinnati | Oakland | 3 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 167.00 |
| 3 | New England | Buffalo | 1 | 55 | Y | 50.00 | 217.00 |
| 4 | New England | Jacksonville | 13.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 206.00 |
| 5 | Seattle | Chicago | 14.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 195.00 |
| 6 | Oakland | Chicago | 3 | 55 | N | -55.00 | 140.00 |
| 7 | Atlanta | Washington | 7 | 22 | Y | 20.00 | 160.00 |
| 8 | Tampa Bay | Jacksonville | 3 | 22 | N | -22.00 | 138.00 |
| 9 | Denver | Oakland | 4.5 | 33 | N | -33.00 | 105.00 |
| 10 | New England | Indianapolis | 7.5 | 44 | N | -44.00 | 61.00 |
| 11 | Atlanta | New Orleans | 3.5 | 33 | Y | 30.00 | 91.00 |
| 12 | Seattle | Carolina | 7 | 22 | Y | 20.00 | 111.00 |
| 13 | Carolina | Philadelphia | 3 | 33 | Y | 30.00 | 141.00 |
| 14 | Houston | Tennessee | 3 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 130.00 |
| 15 | Seattle | Dallas | 6 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 140.00 |
| 16 | Atlanta | Tampa Bay | 7 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 150.00 |
| 17 | Kansas City | Detroit | 5 | 22 | N | -22.00 | 128.00 |
| 18 | Pittsburgh | Oakland | 4 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 138.00 |
| 19 | Cincinnati | Cleveland | 11.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 127.00 |
| 20 | Philadelphia | Dallas | 2.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 116.00 |
| 21 | Baltimore | Jacksonville | 5.5 | 22 | Y | 20.00 | 136.00 |
| 22 | Green Bay | Detroit | 11.5 | 33 | N | -33.00 | 103.00 |
| 23 | Jacksonville | Tennessee | 3 | 33 | Y | 30.00 | 133.00 |
| 24 | Atlanta | Indianapolis | 5.5 | 22 | Y | 20.00 | 153.00 |
| 25 | New England | Buffalo | 7 | 33 | PUSH | 0.00 | 153.00 |
| 26 | Dallas | Carolina | 1.5 | 153 | Y | 139.00 | 292.00 |
| 27 | Seattle | Minnesota | PK | 55 | N | -55.00 | 237.00 |
| 28 | New England | Philadelphia | 9.5 | 22 | N | -22.00 | 215.00 |
| 29 | New York Jets | NY Giants | 2.5 | 22 | N | -22.00 | 193.00 |
| 30 | Pittsburgh | Indianapolis | 7 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 182.00 |
| 31 | Arizona | Minnesota | 8.5 | 33 | Y | 30.00 | 212.00 |
| 32 | Chicago | Washington | 3 | 22 | Y | 20.00 | 232.00 |
| 33 | Indianapolis | Jacksonville | PK | 22 | Y | 20.00 | 252.00 |
| 34 | NY Giants | Miami | 1 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 262.00 |
| 35 | St. Louis | Tampa Bay | 2.5 | 33 | -33.00 | 229.00 | |
| 36 | Cincinnati | San Francisco | 4.5 | 22 | -22.00 | 207.00 |
Name Darkest Timeline Zack Morris Initial Bankroll: 200
| Pick # | Favorite | Underdog | Line | Wager | Winner? | Winnings | Bankroll Balance |
| 1 | Seattle | St. Louis | 4.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 189.00 |
| 2 | Denver | Baltimore | 4.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 178.00 |
| 3 | Baltimore | Oakland | 5.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 167.00 |
| 4 | New Orleans | Tampa | 5.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 156.00 |
| 5 | Indianapolis | Jacksonville | 9 | 22 | Y | 20.00 | 176.00 |
| 6 | Oakland | Chicago | 3 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 165.00 |
| 7 | Cincinnati | Kansas City | 5.5 | 55 | N | -55 | 110.00 |
| 8 | Buffalo | NY Giants | 4.5 | 22 | Y | 20 | 130.00 |
| 9 | Kansas City | Chicago | 9 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 119.00 |
| 10 | Cincinnati | Seattle | 3 | 11 | PUSH | 0 | 119.00 |
| 11 | Seattle | Carolina | 7 | 11 | Y | 10 | 129.00 |
| 12 | Arizona | Pittsburgh | 3 | 11 | Y | 10 | 139.00 |
| 13 | Atlanta | San Francisco | 7 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 128.00 |
| 14 | Cincinnati | Cleveland | 11.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 138.00 |
| 15 | New Orleans | Washington | PK | 55 | N | -55.00 | 83.00 |
| 16 | Carolina | Tennessee | 5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 93.00 |
| 17 | Philadelphia | Tampa | 5.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 103.00 |
| 18 | Chicago | Denver | 1 | 44 | Y | 40.00 | 143.00 |
| 19 | Atlanta | Jacksonville | 3 | 44 | 99.00 | ||
| 20 | Arizona | Philadelphia | 3.5 | 33 | 66.00 |
http://33.media.tumblr.com/8abc0b0e483be808e9421f610c9019e8/tumblr_my5d8a0R0r1r93xiko1_500.gif
Wait. You’re holding a 10-J suited?
YOU NEED TO BLUFF THAT SHIT AND GO ALL-IN!
In one paragraph DTZM lifts my spirits because I actually did draft Bortles in a late round and he has been a pleasant surprise.
In the next paragraph I am dropped back to reality noting that Spray Tan has done jackshit for Philly this year.
/nobody cares about my fantasy team.
Each week when I see “Money comes in” I think of Bill O’Reilly’s inability to understand how tides work.
“Money comes in. You can’t explain that.”
Every time that pops into my head. Every time.