Your “City of Charlotte Shuts Down For The Game And Nobody Notices” Open Thread

After watching Arizony blurp their way to victory yesterday I’m saying that the winner of this game is the NFC champ. It looks like RB Lynch is back on the field today. The usual fart-makers that must talk about things are wondering if he’ll be ‘ready’. Hmm, do you think that a Pro Bowl back with fresh legs might possibly be an upgrade over something called a, and I quote, “Christine Michael”? I do. Just looking at the both of these teams I must say, THERE’S A SHIT-TON OF TALENT HERE. DO YOU HEAR THAT JERRY REESE? IT CAN’T BE THAT HARD TO DRAFT WELL. [upends table that has nothing on it] Sorry. Where was I? Right. You’d think that mega-CB Norman would be matched up against WR Baldwin (he of the 13 TD’s in the last 9 games) but the former is a baby that only rarely plays the slot receiver. (don’t tell him I typed that) Speaking of tough assignments S Chancellor gets to be roasted on a spit with an apple in his mouth by TE Olsen. “Fat Chance” is great in run support but if Seattle wants to blitz he’s gonna be on an island that features quite a few balls whizzing overhead. CB Sherman does follow the opposing #1 WR all over the field and that spells bad news for Ted Ginn. Years from now when you hear the phrase “a rising tide lifts all shitty receivers to career years” you’ll think of the Ginner and have yourself a nice martini. (may apply to myself only). One guy that might be under your radar is Kawaan Short. The Seahawks have struggled against dominant DT’s (just like everyone else, duh) like Donald (Rams) and Atkins (Bengals) and short led the league at his position with 11 sacks and 16 tackles for a loss. The man tasked with going after QB Newton has sacked him 7 times in 4 games-OLB Irvin it’s time to do what you do. HAVE AT IT YOU RAPSCALLIONS!

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Sill Bimmons

“Clock is of the essence” isn’t a thing you should say.

Senor Weaselo

What about “milking that clock dry”?

Spanky Datass

“…sitting on the clock.”

evilbeaver8

Those are two very impressive….trees she’s standing between.

theeWeeBabySeamus

She likes wood.

blackroseMD1

Here’s some Lily for you, Sill

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Sill Bimmons

No Lily is making me a sad panda:

http://i62.tinypic.com/30af28i.jpg

King Hippo

polluted blood?

evilbeaver8

“What, like you mean her parents weren’t both white?”
-Chip Kelly

Sill Bimmons

Naw, man.

She’s Uzbek.

That’s proper.

Gratliff

Welp. I fell asleep at the half. What the fuck, Carolina?

evilbeaver8

Carolina should have lined up and punted on first down, just to make Carroll paranoid about what they might be up to…

JustStopDude

FAKE IT AGAIN! THEY WILL NEVER EXPECT IT!!!!

Sill Bimmons

NOTHING BUT FAKE PUNTS

The Maestro

This is exactly how I would OC for every team ever.

Sill Bimmons

MANAGEABLE DOWN AND DISTANCE HERE TROY

evilbeaver8

“Can’t get it on your own? X gonna deliver to ya!”
-DMX with a prescient vision of his future career delivering pizzas.

Doktor Zymm
Romonobyl

Been to Wyoming once as a kid. Great place to kill animals or die horribly in a car accident at the bottom of a frozen ravine. Good times then…

King Hippo

HOW were they not looking for that? Even fucking Joe Buck was!

JustStopDude

GO FOR IT!!!!

WOOOOOO!!!!

Senor Weaselo

Calling the fake punt here.

bourb0nblues

M-O-O-N

Sill Bimmons

That spells Moon!

Romonobyl

But did we ever actually have men on Warren Moon?

Doktor Zymm

HOT MOON ON MOON ACTION

The Maestro

“Week in and week out, you see Michael Bennett make plays!”

[replay shows ball doinking off side of his helmet]

Senor Weaselo

That counts as a pass deflection, right?

evilbeaver8

JJ Watt counts those as sack/fumbles.

Sill Bimmons

If I looked like Papa John I would not want my face on TV as often as he does.

Romonobyl

He’s usually standing next to fetushead, so…

...

Dok, we need you to do your own set of these TurboTax commercials.

Doktor Zymm

“Hey idiot, here’s a goddamn calculator, read the instructions”

...

OMG You’re TV star *swoon*

theeWeeBabySeamus

The always up Russell Wilson.
Yeah, he said it.

JustStopDude
Sill Bimmons

q!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

y, o y?

the king in yellow

Myron Cope is long dead, Beastmode.

Sill Bimmons
evilbeaver8

“You on a diet or something?”
-Andy Reid

Romonobyl

A Cardiologist’s dream.

John Difool

I would like to dip my balls in that

theeWeeBabySeamus

Already did.

blackroseMD1

Well, at least now I know how I’m going to die.

John Difool

“Why is Russell Wilson’s bird trying to rape Cam Newton?”
-Macklemore

Doktor Zymm
Bortleback

Where? Never heard of it.

Doktor Zymm

There’s actually just a big sinkhole there. It was first mentioned as a “state” by suffragettes, as an example of a “place” where women were allowed to vote. This was originally a speculative fiction, much like Utopia, but it worked it’s way into the lexicon and now many Americans believe it is a real state!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wimminz is aloud too vote?

Sill Bimmons

But I’ve been to both places…

Romonobyl

But how much of N. Dakota do you actually remember?

Doktor Zymm

Sure you have, that wasn’t a government injected hallucination AT ALL.

litre_cola

Wouldnt mind a pick here to make it interesting

Sill Bimmons

Shame the Stillers had to let Cotch go.

Good player, good guy.

Senor Weaselo

Shame the Jets let Cotch go. I made a lot of Jerricho Turnpike jokes. And it worked because they were still at Hofstra.

/Yes, I know Hofstra’s on Hempstead Turnpike and not Jericho, shut up.

Sill Bimmons

I played a lacrosse match at Hofstra.

I don’t know why anyone would want to go there.

bourb0nblues

Carolina turnover? Seems like it could happen…

evilbeaver8

So Carolina is just going to run the ball for three and outs the rest of the game, right?

evilbeaver8

Well shut my mouth.

Old School Zero

Marty Schottenheimer would have been so hard for that.

John Difool

comment image?w=593

Senor Weaselo

It isn’t the blurst of times… yet.

Sill Bimmons

Now I know what I’m having for dinner.

The Maestro

hoooooly hell what a catch

Dick E. Phuck

Get the fuck out of here.

King Hippo

motherfucker redux

Sill Bimmons

My happiness is less than it was a few minutes ago.

JustStopDude

Let’s see the New World Order try and reverse that call!!!

JustStopDude

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Sill Bimmons

Does anyone else get a little uneasy when Buck says “…goes down in the arms of…”?

evilbeaver8

If evolution is “real” then answer this? How come when my dog got under the fence of that industrial waste site he just died instead of “evolving” immunity against toxic chemicals?

Check. Mate.

Doktor Zymm

No, no no. It’s his PUPPIES that get the immunity! Duh.

Sill Bimmons

Can’t argue with that logic!

evilbeaver8

I accept your surrender on behalf of the scientific community.

Jebus 1
“Science” 0

King Hippo

motherfucker

King Hippo

DEEEERRRRRRRPPPPPPPP

Senor Weaselo

God put too much air on that throw.

Doktor Zymm

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tundrajim

Eh, my vote is with Anybody.

The Maestro

Hey, don’t blame me. I voted for Kodos.

the king in yellow

Eww. Apparently a vote for nobody is a vote for Slenderman.

makeitsnowondem

Mortensen’s doctors say Adam Schefter had the cancer first.

Old School Zero

Bill Simmons wants the credit for being the bigger twitter cancer

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

MiS; that is comment GOLD right there!!

I put a review on the beer post if you are interested.

makeitsnowondem

I saw it! Great shit. We have the Greenies dental treats for the cats and they’re awesome.

Sill Bimmons

Cancer jokes. I love ’em!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Should be on the banner.