I’m not here to talk about that thing that’s happening over the weekend. I’m here to talk about #content and #branding! That’s what we’re really interested in. People love #content, and they love #brands! Are you #upforwhatever? Here at Uproxx, we sure are! Whatever the cost, whatever it takes! Readers don’t care about insight, commentary, nor do they have attachment to the past! We’re here to bring you #content, as long as it’s sponsored by our approved #brands!
Let me explain: Here at #Uproxx, we consistently deliver new-age, dynamic, and cutting edge #content, no matter the cost. Our team of bloggers bring you the creative #content you want, as long as it’s pre-approved by our #sponsors. We don’t let our #brands down, regardless of how that impacts the #content we produce. We’re excited for the future, and believe this is a strong, vibrant business model. So, please, enjoy our numerous long and short-form pieces on the minutiae of everyday life, from professional wrestling, to the NBA, to Amy Schumer, and more! Be sure to CLICK HERE for more!
Oh, and I guess I’ll pick the Philadelphia Warriors to win the sportsball game that’s happening on Saturday, and be sure to catch Smash Mouth’s upcoming spring tour!
Hmm… #not #enough #hashtags #.
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Needs more: “The internet lost its mind when Ronda Rousey and Amy Schmuer declared they were watching the Superbowl”
Honestly, how the shit do most of those people get hired from Uproxx? Sometimes I think they’re all one person.
I like how they’ll praise Amy Schmuer for saying ‘sorry not sorry; everytime she makes a racist remark and has to make a statement about it and needs to whitesplain to minorities that were offended why it’s ok for a rich, blonde hair white woman to say a joke. It’s always great to see how far people will go when money is on the line.
Amy Schumer calls on America to do something about gun control. Does not direct this to her cousin, Senator Charles Schumer.
I always go out of my way to hate somebody that I wouldn’t hate if another person I hated didn’t like that person; totes worth it.
Needs more #BBT #Bazinga.
Not anymore. I think #Bazinga died last year when blondie cut her hair and covered the fuck up because of the fappening. That’s my theory. I dunno, I don’t watch that show.
#BudLight, the only product officially endorsed by Bill Cosby and Darren Sharper
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Are you #upforwhatever?
I haven’t seen some #ROXX get smashed this hard since Jason and the Argonauts paid a visit to Colchis.
wow.
So guys, sorry to tell you this but… after posting that slideshow-esque series of posts, Uproxx has hired me as an editor. They’re compensating me in cases of skunky Bud Light in lieu of cash, which is a pretty sweet deal from the folks at #ABInBev whose portfolio of top-notch beer #brands is unmatched worldwide!
#CONTENT
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Work this time, damn you.
#MOARCONTENT
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More like Trans Phallic Partnership, amirite?
“Someone say trans?!”
-Eddie Murphy
“Someone say Transam?!”
-[See below]
The woman in blue appears to have seen a dildo of that size flying at her before…. maybe it was at a Tupperware party.
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If anyone can find the version of this with where Todd goes bonkers for the girl deep throating a purple dildo, please post it.
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I really hope they threw those hot dogs down a hallway.
I read Vince’s Hail, Caesar review and it strikes me as odd or futile that some more amusing commenters are still there. Though I guess the lack of posts by him (at least about movies or things worth reading about) and Filmdrunk’s de facto demise means less time for them spent dicking around without an alternative like this site.
CLICK HERE for the slide show!
Number 4 will make your jaw drop!
#KILLROWLES
This comment has more thought put into it, and better editing, than a Rowles post.
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This article is the #3 hit on google for “Ben Blank Uproxx”.
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Never forget 7/31/2015
“Why, did something happen?”
– Trent Green
On that long day when KSK came down, the Uproxxers were dancing in the streets in New Jersey, laughing and cheering. I know because Trump says he knows someone who saw them he thinks.
This was LONG overdue. Well done.
[Uproxx CEO pulls of mask]
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Counterpoint: I Have No Talent At Anything But I Still Must Make A Living, by Most Of The Uproxx Staff
“Amateurs.”
-Fat Jew
Counterpoint: I Have No Talent At Anything But I Still Must Make A Living, by The Fat Jew
“With three paragraphs, WCS absolutely DESTROYS this CEO. But what he did next had us in tears…”
You Won’t Believe How These Parts Of Speech Became #Hashtags
I just threw up in my mouth a bit! That’s some stomach #content!
Part of what really bummed me out about when Warmingglow went south was that it disrupted a pretty reliable pathline by which I was introduced to good TV. A prime example of that was how late they were to recognize Rick and Morty’s greatness (or even, in fact, that it was a show on television that you could watch). That absence is pretty well represented now by Bojack Horseman – a show that reminds me a lot of Louie in its pathos. Which is a long way around to mentioning that Ben Blank’s comment about Smashmouth reminded me of a bit on Bojack Horseman about Mr Peanutbutter (Peanut Butter is One Word Don’t Write One Word) trying to decide what his favorite Smashmouth CD was.
LOLZ, this is gr8. Can’t wait for the butthurt fanboys to show up and complain about how much better things were before you brought us Bud Light and other good non-clickbaity things.
#UpForBeingACorporateMegaWhore
Of all the clusterfucks, this was the clusterfuckiest.
#Hey #now! #You’re #an #All #Star! #Get #your #game #on! #Go #Play!
I haven’t seen this much pounding since Duke’s lacrosse team had to cancel their 2006 season.