The scene: The road, man. That endless blacktop that takes you from here to there, but in the end you went nowhere because what you’re looking for isn’t out there. It ain’t in the bars and hootchy-kootchy joints, and it ain’t in the back alleys where the tomcats prowl. You can look all you want, man, spend your days thumbing rides from one burg to another and your nights in smoke-filled taverns listening to hot jazz with a cold beer in your hand, the staccato beat telling you lies. But you know that your place ain’t here, you don’t belong with these cats, these cool, crazy cats. Tomorrow they’ll be slinging hash and driving hacks, making an honest buck, and you’ll be back on the road, looking for something you ain’t ever gonna find until you find yourself, man…
Oh, sorry. Ahem. Let’s try this again.
The scene: A yuuuuge RV travelling down the road. Pirate Sloth is driving. In the back Doktor Zymm is watching The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem’s Super Funtime Hour on the 60” television, Moosemas Gorilla is in the hot tub with Horatio Cornblower nearby, riding on a floating bath duck, and Otto’s Brain is rolling around on the floor.
Otto’s Brain: I still can’t believe you won this thing in Vegas, Zymm! What are the odds?
Doktor Zymm: Zeventy-two million, two hundred and thirty-two thousand to one.
Otto’s Brain: Yeah, I guess you would know that. But this thing is great! We should take another road trip.
Doktor Zymm: Ach, nein, I am done mit ze road trips for awhile. I need to get back to my laboratory. I have zome very important Projekts to complete.
Horatio Cornblower: Like getting me back to my normal size?
Doktor Zymm: Vell…
Horatio Cornblower: You can get me back to my normal size, can’t you? I’m not going to be a living action figure forever, right?
Doktor Zymm: It ist…complicated.
Horatio Cornblower: Complicated? Try being a six-inch tall lawyer, Zymm…that’s complicated! It’s really hard to get the judge to take you seriously when you have to be held up by a paralegal to address the bench.
Doktor Zymm: Vell, I have been vorking on it, but…
Moosemas Gorilla: Ook?
Doktor Zymm: Zo far all my tests rezults have been…
Horatio Cornblower (impatiently): Yes…?
Doktor Zymm: Mezzy.
Unnoticed by the others, Pirate Sloth leaves the driver’s seat and heads into the bathroom.
Horatio Cornblower: Messy? Just how messy?
Doktor Zymm: You probably don’t vant ze gory details.
Otto’s Brain: He might not, but I do!
Horatio Cornblower: Shut up, Otto. Look, am I going to be doing my wardrobe shopping in the toy department for the rest of my life or not?
Otto’s Brain: I hear the new G.I. Joe line has some really spiffy accessories this year.
Doktor Zymm: Quiet, Otto. I vill continue to vork on a cure, Horatio. It just may take zome time.
Horatio Cornblower (grumbling): Easy for you to say. You’re immortal.
Otto’s Brain: Hey, that’s right! Me and Zymm are still around in Moose’s time. Look, Horatio, there’ll always be a place for you in the Otto Man Empire. Maybe a little cottage, nestled among some bonsai trees…
Horatio Cornblower: You’re not helping, Otto.
Otto’s Brain: You could get yourself a little woman…
Moosemas Gorilla reaches down and palms Otto’s Brain, picking him up.
Otto’s Brain: Start a little family. And there will always be room for the small business man in the Otto Man Emp-
Moosemas Gorilla drops Otto’s Brain in the hot tub, and he sinks immediately to the bottom.
Horatio Cornblower (to Moosemas Gorilla): Thanks, pal.
Pirate Sloth (coming out of the bathroom): Arr, do any of ye be havin’ change fer a twenty?
Moosemas Gorilla: Ook?
Horatio Cornblower: Not on me. Why?
Pirate Sloth: I want to be tippin’ the attendant.
Horatio Cornblower: The bathroom has an attendant?
Doktor Zymm: Only ze master bath. Ze other two are just your average badezimmers.
Horatio Cornblower: That’s it, if I ever get back to normal size I’m moving in here.
Doktor Zymm: Zere is alzo a chef, but he only vorks evenings.
Pirate Sloth: Arr, can he be makin’ a batch o’ Buccaneer Bacon Biscuits? That was me mornin’ fare at the Swabby Sloop.
Doktor Zymm: I’m not…vait, who is driving ze RV?
Pirate Sloth: Arr, this here beastie does have the option to self-drive.
Doktor Zymm: It does? I vill have to finish reading ze owner’s manual.
Pirate Sloth: Aye, it seemed anxious to be takin’ the wheel, so I be takin’ meself a wee break. If ye don’t mind, I’ll be headin’ upstairs for a massage
Doktor Zymm: Vell, I don’t see why…vait, ve have a mazzeuze?
Horatio Cornblower: We have an upstairs?
Moosemas Gorilla: Ook?
The DFOers, sans Otto’s Brain (who is still at the bottom of the hot tub), race up the stairs to the second story of the RV, leaving the TV on. A tourism advertisement comes on, showing beautiful beaches and lush jungles.
TV Announcer: When you’re ready for a change, come to Hawaii.
RV Auto Pilot (responding to the TV announcer): Query: destination change? Please confirm.
TV Announcer: Hawaii. You’ll never want to leave.
RV Auto Pilot: Confirmed. New destination: Hawaii.
To be continued…