Your “Do You Want to Know the Terrifying Truth…?” Open Thread

Good evening, folks. Beerguyrob is enjoying a much needed vacation this week from preparing your open threads. I am Low Commander of the Super Soldiers, and I will be your host tonight.

We have entered that point in the off season where the only NFL news of note now involves bullshit puff pieces, fantasy prognostication and punter signings. Oh boy! Fear not though, as this means were are getting close, oh so close, to the start of training camp, which begins at the end of this month for most teams!

Besides that, the only other notable sports news seems to come from the NBA, in that Draymond Green has been arrested on assault charges while visiting his home state of Michigan. Supposedly the incident involved Green either slapping or punching, but definitely not shoving, a man at a local restaurant. If convicted, Green could spend up to 93 days in jail, putting his place on Team USA’s Olympic Squad in question.  Given Green’s history, this begs only one question: Are no man’s balls safe?


As a denizen of San Diego, please allow me to welcome you to tonight’s festivities, preceding tomorrow’s MLB All-Star Game, live from my fine city. Tonight, Petco Park will host the annual Home Run Derby (5pm PST), immediately followed by the Celebrity Softball Game (approximately 7pm PST), both live on ESPN.  I know basedball is not the most popular sport ’round these parts, but I have always found the Derby to be one of my favorite events each year, despite the musings of Chris Berman calling the game. Short of an incredible defensive play, home runs are about the most existing thing basedball has to offer, and 2 full hours of them from some of the best power-hitters in the game always keeps me entertained. Big Mac himself will likely be in attendance as well, as he enters his rookie season as the Padres Bench Coach. Whoda thunk it?!

Here’s a look at tonight’s lineup and seeding:

No. 1 BAL Mark Trumbo vs. No. 8 LAD Corey Seager
No. 2 CWS Todd Frazier vs. COL No. 7 Carlos Gonzalez
No. 3 CIN Adam Duvall vs. No. 6 SD Wil Myers
No. 4 SEA Robinson Cano vs. No. 5 MIA Giancarlo Stanton

Todd Frazier is the defending champion from 2015 and other than Robinson Cano, who won back in 2011, there are quite a few fresh faces in this year’s lineup. Wil Myers, acquired in a trade from Tampa Bay last season, spent much of last year on the disabled list for the Padres, but has rebounded nicely and been on an offensive tear so far this year. He has also made the transition from playing Center Field to First Base look easy, and has been a defensive stalwart there all season long. Myers will have his 19 year old brother Beau (entering his sophomore season at Appalachian State) serving him meatballs all night and with his familiarity of Petco, is my pick to win. If you don’t have a dog in the race tonight, this kid is hard not to like, and I would encourage you to give him your bid, before Team President, former Dolphins CEO and Pete Carrol’s exact physical description of a lizard person, Mike Dee, trades him away for a box of rocks.

Myers-HR-Derby
“Sorry, Wil. Mike really needed that graphite.”

That being said, my non-homer pick of the night is Mark Trumbo. Trumbo has been having arguably the best season of his career with Baltimore, and I feel has benefited tremendously from switching back to the AL. Plus, his years of crushing balls in Petco with the Diamondbacks will serve him well, especially now that the fences have been moved in more.

For a full player breakdown and better description of the rules than I could write, I encourage you to enjoy this article, provided you ignore the terrible “Slam Diego” pun in the second paragraph.


Immediately following the Derby, ESPN will show the All Star Celebrity Softball Game, which actually took place yesterday, but will be aired for the first time tonight. Notable participants include: Breesus Christ, who hopes everyone just has a good time, Terry Crews, who will likely tear his jersey off before the 3rd inning, and actor Mark-Paul Gosselaar, best known as our timeline’s Zach Morris.

Hopefully this will not be an issue

Full list of participants below:

Celebrity Claim to Fame
Andre Dawson Hall of Fame outfielder
Rollie Fingers Hall of Fame relief pitcher
Trevor Hoffman Former closer with second-most saves
Vlad Guerrero Nine-time All-Star, 2004 AL MVP
Ricky Henderson MLB all-time stolen base leader
David Wells Three-time All-Star pitcher
Ozzie Smith 13-time Gold Glove winning shortstop
Fred Lynn Nine-time All-Star, 1975 AL Rookie of the Year
Tim Raines Seven-time All-Star outfielder
Mark-Paul Gosselaar Actor (Saved by the Bell)
Sterling K. Brown Actor (The People V. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story)
J.K. Simmons Academy Award winning actor (Whiplash)
Damaris Lewis Model
Drew Brees New Orleans Saints quarterback
Andy Cohen Host/producer (Watch What Happens Live)
Cameron Bryce Actor (Descendants)
Terry Crews Actor (Brooklyn Nine-Nine)
Karan Brar Actor (Jessie)
Nina Agdal Model
Mark Consuelos Actor (Pitch)
Morris Chestnut Actor (Rosewood)
Landon Donovan MLS and U.S. National Team’s all-time leading scorer
Tim Foreman Switchfoot bassist
Jennie Finch Olympic Gold medalist in softball
Pete Wentz Fall Out Boy bassist
Rico Rodriguez Actor (Modern Family)
Jamie Foxx Academy Award and Grammy Award winner
Kyle Mooney Saturday Night Live cast member
Omar Miller Actor (Ballers)
Peyton Meyer Actor (Girl Meets World)
Rani Rodriguez Actor (Austin & Ally)
Tyler Hoechlin Actor (Everybody Wants Some)
via MLB.com

Chargers Downtown Stadium

Finally, to round out this San Diego Sportsgasm, over the weekend the Chargers succeeded in moving their ballot initiative for a new stadium to a vote on this November’s ballot. The plan would raise the city’s hotel tax to 16.5% (tied for 3rd highest in the nation), and would include joint upgrades to the city’s convention center, which would share the same site and is also in dire need of upgrades. A few notes:

  • The entire venture is expected to cost $1.8 billion ($1.3 billion towards the stadium itself.)
  • Dean Spanos will contribute $650 million himself, Rog will kick in $350 million and the remaining $300 million to come from naming rights, ticket sales, etc. The city will be responsible for any overages.
  • As things currently stand, the venture will require a 2/3 in favor vote, but could require only a simple majority pending a State Supreme Court decision later this year.
  • If the ballot measure fails, the team has until mid-January to decide if they want to play second fiddle to Kroenke’s mustache in Inglewood.
  • There will also likely be a separate initiative to upgrade only the convention center on the ballot, as threats of losing Comic-Con and other annual events continue to be made.

Personally, I think the downtown stadium is a bad plan, and is likely to be voted down. Between the bad blood Dean Spanos has stirred up with fans over the last ten years, the lack of infrastructure around the downtown site and the whole funding issue, I don’t see how voters will approve as a simple majority, much less at 67%. The best idea so far has been to build a new stadium behind Qualcomm, taking care of much of the infrastructure issues, as well as reducing costs like purchasing ocean front land, and could even not require a vote. Despite all of this, I would vote in favor of the downtown site, if only to keep the team I love here, but since I am unfortunately registered outside of the city limits, I won’t get to vote on it either way!

The System Works

Enjoy the games everyone!

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers is a native North County San Diegan with an affinity for the Padres, beer, whiskey, punk rock, video games and the end of days. If you eat a fish taco with a fork in his presence, you may lose your hand.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought this was the sweetest kid I’ve ever seen…until I saw the Yankees hat…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He doesn’t know………. he. doesn’t. know.

Brick Meathook

8:00 AM here on the West Coast! Bright and early, chaps! You know why I’m up this early? Because it’s July in Los Angeles, and I ain’t been to sleep yet.

Those worms don’t stand a chance!

Beerguyrob

Fantastic jorb! I may never come back.

/worries he’ll get kicked out of the cool kids club.

//not worried

///not a member

WCS

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Unsurprised

I don’t even want to imagine what horrific products that are marketed as being safe and reliable that people will post fifty years from now as turning out to be insanely harmful.

Senor Weaselo

I’m gonna go with every “super food.”

Beerguyrob

You know fucking quinoa’s on that list.

Sill Bimmons

Every prescription drug approved since the Reagan administration.

Unsurprised

I can’t believe what a lightweight pussy dieting has turned me into. Two beers and I’m drunk. WTF.

Unsurprised

Excellent point.

Unsurprised

The cowardice of modern policing in one photo
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Unsurprised

GIS automatically adds the term “military police.” I think that speaks volumes.
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well, today sucked. Time for sleep and a new start tomorrow.

ballsofsteelandfury

I wish I could like this infinite times.

Senor Weaselo

I don’t remember any of that happening in the movie.

Unsurprised

Oh boys. Let me tell ya.

I’m drinking a Portland Brewing Lemon Blonde Ale and it is fantastic. It is citrusy without being acidic and has a faint taste of banana and something else I can’t quite put my finger on. I love it.

Unsurprised

Cherries

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

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JustStopDude
Unsurprised

I fully endorse whatever she is saying/singing.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

They should have Stuart Scott do the play by play for this softball shit

Brocky

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

The closed captioning on the bar tv just implied Janay Rice was hitting in the celebrity softball game. I thought it was the other way around.

ballsofsteelandfury

This may just be our new banner quote. That’s outstanding.

JustStopDude

This softball thing is perfect for…

http://www.goucher.edu/images/News_Images/picSklarsbig.gif

Horatio Cornblower

2/10, can’t run the bases for shit. Would not bang.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Pretty sure she could make it to 3rd.

Spanky Datass

Drew Brees will happily play in your beer softball league but hopes that you won’t drink to excess, you know, just so everyone stays safe.

Horatio Cornblower

But if you do drink to excess, Drew will happily sell you some “Dr. Schlock’s Foolproof Hangover Remedy” from Advocare.

JustStopDude

This softball game is depressing.

Ozzie is past his prime, Drew Brees is like the asshole that throws elbows in pickup games, and I have no clue who half the “stars” are.

Fronkenshteen

How are ya?!
Just clocked out, poured a beer, and pulled up Rotoworld.
What the fuck did Isaiah Crowell post on Twitter?
Joseph Randle threatened to kill a prison guard?

JustStopDude

Got to love these corporate spontaneous interviews. So exciting and unexpected…

herodotus450

No one will ever need to spend more than $2,108 on a personal computer

Sill Bimmons

That’s almost $5K today.

Unsurprised

Spotify is murdering my iPhone battery. Gotta go.

scotchnaut

If I’m not mistaken, The Fred Lynn won Rookie of the Year and MVP in the same year. That’s one heck of an accomplishment.

Senor Weaselo

And Ichiro.

scotchnaut

“Who did what now?”

-Henry Rollins, lead singer of Black Flag

Fronkenshteen

Got a light?

Unsurprised

I threw out a doozy of a hot taek last night on Facebook.

As much as I just don’t care about anything right now, I still keep spouting off shit that gets me temporarily riled up because I am an idiot.

Sill Bimmons

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Senor Weaselo

Finally a scoreboard shot.

Redshirt

American Ninja Warrior: “Flip Rodriguez is going to reveal a deep secret and the reason why he wore a mask in this first years as a ninja.”
Me: “Oh, I get it. He’s gay. Who cares? Its the 21 century.”

Flip: “I was molested as a kid between the ages of 9 and 15”

Me: (groans) “I’m a jerk!”

Senor Weaselo

I’m still waiting, a guy I played flag football with does Ninja Warrior, no idea what week he’ll be on.

Redshirt

If you know the city he competes on, you can probably look it up.

Senor Weaselo

I’m not a hundred percent sure, I’m tempted to say Orlando?

Sill Bimmons

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