NFL Speakeasy Stories: Since Forever

Libertine, Downtown. 2:47 am, September 18th, 2016

Since Forever.

The words non-mockishly running below the bar name printed on the drink napkins in lieu of a conventional “Establish Year X”, Charlie Whitehurst could only chuckle to himself. This place had not been around forever, and he should know.

For a Sunday night, the crowd was dead. Charlie, always in touch with the energy of those around him, had found refuge in a corner booth of this quiet establishment with a steady stream of Cabernet Sauvignon. After only two weeks of viewing, it pained Charlie to watch anymore games. Each time he saw a player take a shot, he felt the pain a little inside himself. When he saw Jimmy Garoppolo driven to the turf for the final time against the Dolphins, that was it. He had turned off the television, took an Alka Seltzer, and walked out of the house to clear his head. Since ordering his first drink at 8pm, Charlie felt better. However, in his clarity, he also sensed that something was wrong.

“You really should have ordered by the bottle,” the waitress set down a glass of wine, his last, and a shot of white rum, his first, before placing his final tab at the edge of the table.

“It’s on a little clipboard. That’s cute.” The first words Charlie had spoken in hours seemed to instantly relieve the waitress who, no doubt, was already anxious about her tip draw on such a slow night. “I appreciate you,” he peered at the name scribbled on the bottom of the tab, “Ms Lin Sue — with a heart dotting the ‘i’.”

She cracked a smile. But as she reached to pick up his empty glass, Lin Sue was bumped violently from behind, causing the table to rock and the fresh Cabernet to empty on the front of Charlie’s shirt.

“Whoa. ‘ay there. Was just trying to get to the can!” The offending party was a young, drunk, blonde patron with an Australian accent. She seemed to think her little stunt was cute and, based on her grin, had no intention of apologizing for the mess. Lin Sue stood staring at Charlie, more in shock than anything, that anyone could be so rude.

“Well,” Charlie smiled and reached for a cloth napkin from the drink tray, “that’s one way to aerate this vintage.”

“Speaking of vintage,” the blonde leaned on the table, “did you hear about that Nazi time capsule they uncovered? Said everything was perfectly preserved. Makes you wish we could still change the world, right?”

Charlie ignored her accentuating show of cleavage and stood up, wiping the napkin over the spill on his shirt. “It is He who changes the times and the epochs. He removes kings and establishes kings. He gives wisdom to wise men And knowledge to men of understanding.”

The blonde stood back, sobered by her realization of the situation. Charlie finished wiping his shirt, now good as new, and reached his free hand out to the blonde.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for –”

— [Door Flies Open] —

A battered man stumbles from the bathroom and collapses on the floor beside Charlie. The women stepped back against the bar. A cloaked man with a brooding aura, surely the assailant, followed slowly through the doorway. Ignoring the hooded figure, Charlie knelt down to the victim and placed the wine-soaked napkin over his face. “Let this ease your pain and heal you wounds, my brother.” He then stood to face the attacker.

“Hello Charlie. Enjoying your wine?”

“Beliarchik. I could sense you were near. What claim have you to this man?”

“This man is trying to ruin you. To harm you. To have you maimed. To have you killed, Charlie.”

“This man is hurt. What brings you into his life? What brings you into this house without invite?”

“Without invite? Oh Charlie, do you not see?” The blonde girl, repeating her grin from earlier, approached the figure and wrapped herself around his arm. “A little young, of course, but she may be molded. Just as I may mold you for two weeks if you’ll sign with my Patriots. You give me half a month and I, in return, will bring you a ring.”

The lights flickered at the mention of his teams name.

“I will never join you. For you have spoken falsehood and seen a lie, therefore behold, I am against you.”

“Charlie, come now. This is good for both of us. You need a home and I have place for your throne beside me.”

“Never will I join your carnival of lies. Righteousness is to rescue the weak and the needy. To deliver them from the hand of the wicked. The hand of The Shield. The hand of the Patriots. The hand of you, Beliarchik.”

Beliarchik turned to Lin Sue and motioned for her to come to his other side. She stood frozen.

“She shall not come for she is pure! Now, be gone with you!” Charlie grabbed the shot glass and splashed the rum on the figure under the hood, releasing a smokey haze and a putrid smell.

“Come, Lilith. We may not destroy him tonight but there will be no hiding come Week 5 when we will present him to AbadTom.”

The couple fled and Charlie knelt down to check on the man. Removing the cloth, now soaked in wine and blood, Charlie found that his face was healed.

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“Thank you for rescuing me from that attack.”

“Paul DePodesta? What are you doing here? The Browns do not play here until Sunday.”

“I have come for the same reason Beliarchik had. For you. For a savior to be our third quarterback in three weeks. Please, sir, we are weak. We are poor, as a city, and in spirit, as a team. Without your guidance, we are sure to fall to the wealthy and powerful. Without your leadership, Beliarchik will have his way.

“And why should I help a skeptic? A statistician? A man of science but not of faith.”

“But I am a man of faith. Do you see the system I built that would even allow me to reach you? An injury prone starter. An invisible offensive line. All were tools designed to create an environment in which your legacy may be served. Please. Please help us. We are the needy.”

Charlie looked to Lin Sue who gave him a single nod. He did not need her approval but it warmed him to know he would have her support.

“Fine. We shall remake FirstEnergy Stadium in the image of champions but, first, we need to discuss Beliarchik’s spy hidden deep within your roster.”

{fin}

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blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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Don T

Signing Charlie Whitehurst is sticking a finger in an overflowing dike.
Boy, that can never be a Sex Cannon joke.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ballsofsteelandfury

Excellent work!

The Australian Nazi bit was inspired…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And I think we know by whom…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh