Week 3 NFL Broadcast Maps

Week 3 is here, and once again the 506 sports gives us advance notice/warning of the Sunday broadcasts.

Here’s the link: http://506sports.com

National Games:

TNF:  Texans @ Patriots, whoever the P*ts QB is, could JJ Watt murder-death-kill him?  As always Fuck the Patriots.

SNF:  Bears @ Cowboys.  Sunday Night Football is supposed to be the preeminent game of the week.  This is not a preeminent game, and I doubt I would watch this game on a Tuesday Night in July.  One day I hope the NFL understands a subpar big market team does not have to have at least four primetime games a season.  Drink up if you’re a Bears fans, because they look especially execrable.

MNF:  Falcons @ Saints.  This week’s primetime games are not exactly barn-burners.   Saints are looking for their first win, while the Falcons are trying not to fade into the depth of obscurity as is their tendency.

On to the Sunday Broadcasts, which boost another surprising 8:5 early to late spread.  Just an overarching note, there seems to be a significant uptick in random broadcasting coverages this week, so I would expect these to change considerably by the weekend.

CBS Early

Broncos @ Bengals (Red): The first road game for Trevor Siemian shall be seen in most of the country.  This is one of the more important AFC match-ups this season.

Browns @ Dolphins (Blue):  A small patch of SE Alabama and SW Georgia get to see this game for some reason, is this penance for secession during the Civil War?   Parts of Michigan and Pennsylvania also get this one.  Sucks to be you.  A tie is as likely an outcome as a win for either team.

Raiders @ Titans (Green):  This one is fairly limited to core markets, both teams are 1-1.  I think the Raiders are the better team at the moment.

Ravens @ Jags (Yellow):  Jags break-out season is likely deferred another year.  Ravens start the season with Bills, Browns, Jags, Raiders, and [*Redacted] s, and I thought the league hated them.

CBS Late

Steelers @ Eagles (Red): The quadrennial battle of Pennsylvania between two 2-0 teams is featured in most of the country. You heard Gruden slobber all over him, now it’s time for Phil Simms to gush incoherently for Wentz.

Jets @ Chiefs (Blue): Will Andy Reid waste all his timeouts before the commercial break? Will the Jets secondary give up 3 or more 50+ yard passes despite Alex Smith’s maximum range of 10 yards? Will Trent Green forget what millennium it is? Find out more CBS at 4 PM EST.

Chargers @ Colts (Green): Anyone care to guess why this one is broadcast in some random corner of Tennessee? The Titans play in Nashville but it’s not broadcasted there.

FOX (Early & Late)

[*Redacted] s @ Giants (Red): This coverage is a homage to psoriasis.

Cards @ Bills (Green): Apparently, the municipal governments SE Kansas and SW Missouri staked all their underfunded pension plans on this game. Also what’s up with that random enclave in central upstate NY?

Lions @ Packers (Yellow):  This is in most of the core markets as expected plus San Diego and SW Louisiana, I guess the Illuminati-like group from the first season of True Detective are Packers fans.

Vikings @ Panthers (Brown):  You guys remember Injun Sam played at Oklahoma seven years ago?  Vikings are atop the NFC North after a surprising win against the Packers considering the circumstances.  This could be a good match-up.

49ers @ Seattle (Blue) LATE:  Instead of playing football, these teams will try to one-up with their actions during the National Anthem: “Colin Kaepernick is taking a knee, but it looks like Richard Sherman is raising his fist while pledging allegiance to the Union Jack.  Oh wait Pete Carroll is holding a “U.S. Gov’t Did 9/11. Wake up Sheeple!” Banner.  Jed York is charging the government for playing the anthem, and Chip Kelly is using the flag as a draft broad, he’s cutting it up and leaving only the white-colored parts.  Intense Stuff John”.

Rams @ Bucs (Teal) LATE:  Just the core markets for this one.  Again, the Rams presence is really screwing up the broadcasts in Southern California.

Enjoy.

 

 

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I will trash the site for any reason. I am on board for a beautiful woman singing a song though. She seems perfect can you make her love me?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I want to go back to acoustic girl from before

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

sperp.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Whiskey gets rid of the taste.

Unsurprised

Time for bourble

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That bra looks like it could stand up to a refinery type blast wave and its contents would be unscathed.

Unsurprised
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

blert

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Bullseye!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

blurg

Unsurprised

More Charlotte

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Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry for the cake joke.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HAPPY SEXY FRIDAY!

May your sexiness be awkward and inappropriate, but with the pleasure of having absolutely no awareness of said awkwardness and inappropriateness.

http://img0.joyreactor.com/pics/post/concert-gif-nsfw-1476167.gif

Unsurprised

Why aren’t we paying DTZM for upkeep via Patreon?

Unsurprised

We need to keep him and DTKK in nice jeans

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

My bedroom was basically flooded by some mishap on my floor last night. So I can’t even take a decent nap on my bed. I guess I’ll sleep on the couch like a dog.

Unsurprised

That happened to all the apartments on my floor, and by extension all the floors beneath ours. Oh well.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jacoby Brissett having surgery on his right thumb. Everything’s coming up Edelman!

Unsurprised

Saraveza here in Portland is great. Good bar, bottle sales, and the food is excellent. I just had a bomb-ass chorizo and could kill a motherfucker for another. Sadly, it’s a Packers bar as well.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am all in with shame tWBS. I am gonna find the reason I messed up anyways with him, then go back to normal stuff

theeWeeBabySeamus

I AM IN!!!
wait maybe i’m not. fuck it.

Sill Bimmons

Note to self: do not compliment a woman on her sweet headphones by saying “Nice cans!”

...

Do, however, complement a woman’s sweet cans by saying “Nice cans!”

...

Just realized my typo but I’m still undecided if it makes my comment better or worse.

Unsurprised

Better

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am at this point just gonna drop myself face first into a “Go fuck yourself everyone else nap”. Just for the record my bed is on the floor for no reason and I am gonna pass out face down. I will feel shame when I wake up, not worried about that now.

King Hippo

shame naps are THE BEST NAPS

/VERY experienced

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I woke up in the middle. I feel bad now

Unsurprised

Get back to bed.

Unsurprised

That’s what most annoys me about Watts. He’s had multiple opportunities to break Brady in half like a piñata and has failed to at every juncture. Fuck that loser.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

So my dad is dodging his friend that is coming into town, that I was in turn planning on dodging anyways. My day is going well in that respect. He did start a new thing of harassing me about how I am a god damn idiot whenever I go out for a cig. I absolutely am for the change. He just isn’t good enough at harassment. If you have any harassments about how stupid I am for smoking let me know. I will pass them along to him. He can add his own flair.

jjfozz

I smoked forever, had to give it up cause my grandfather died of lung cancer and inhaling asbestos at his work sites.

I never, ever lecture smokers about their habit. Why should I? Enjoy it if that’s your thing.

(Just an FYI, laser acupuncture is what did it for me.)

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My dad’s father died from lung cancer and being an always drunk jazz musician in Chicago. I get why he worries. TBH I would give up drinking and cigs the day they legalize weed. I think you are against that but just being honest.

jjfozz

Oh hell no, I think weed should have been legalized ages ago. Fucking stupid as shit, thanks to Mr. Hearst’s war against hemp.

I’d rather be at a football game with people high on dope than drunk as shit and fighting.

nomonkeyfun

I’m not sure if I’d rather be sitting next to these guys, but then again Bawlmer.

http://www.overthinkingit.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/bubbles-johnny-2-300×168.jpg

King Hippo

ALL DRUGS LEGAL in Hippo world. PARTY EVERYWHERE!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

DTZM is a hero. Spends so much of his time fixing bullshit on the site so we can all just treat him like shit and bitch when something doesn’t work exactly how we want it. You are a lovely human being and do great work.

jjfozz

I agree, he is an awesome motherfucker doing the lord’s work. So shit doesn’t work one night? Cry me a fucking river.

We could always do something charitable, like teaching orphans how to shotgun beers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I enjoy it even when it goes wonky for a bit, but that can easily be blamed on WordPress. This site is run way better than a lot of site with advertising and budgets (what’s a budget?) Plus is doesn’t have the fucking bullshit Adblock defeating fucking bullshit ads, which are fucking bullshit. We should at least give him a reach-a-round and a beer or two.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I wasn’t bitching; it just surprised me yesterday and gave me a needless opportunity to post surprised gifs.

http://www.crushable.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Fans-In-Crowd-Screaming.gif

Doktor Zymm

I assume the NFL put all the Bears primetime games early in the season so they would still technically be in playoff contention when they’re playing

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Honest question. Has Cutler ever won a primetime game while on the Bears? This isn’t me being bitchy I honestly think he is 0-all of them

...

Oooh… are we adding “unclutch” the Cutler narrative? Might as well pile on while he’s still around.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

No he is just statistically shit in prime time games. I still will defend him if anyone says hes bad.

Col. Duke LaCross

Since 2009, Chicago is 3-8 on SNF, 10-4 on MNF, and 3-3 on TNF.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I love your avatar. Want to disbelieve the stats but I trust you implicitly

...

If you go further back, you’ll see the Bears had a long stretch of terrible Monday Night games. Case in point:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcSFrFgeL3Q

Thirteen times in history a team has given up a 99-yard pass for a touchdown. The Bears are the only team do it multiple times (they’ve done it three times, including once to Bernard Goddamned Berrian).

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Anyone that owns a Kyle Orton Avatar loves the Bears. You need to just trust him. He gave up on everything else a long time ago. ::hugs::

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Anyone that owns a Kyle Orton Avatar loves the Bears. You need to just trust him. He gave up on everything else a long time ago. ::hugs::

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Anyone that owns a Kyle Orton Avatar loves the Bears. You need to just trust him. He gave up on everything else a long time ago. ::hugs::

Col. Duke LaCross

Most of my adolescence up through my early college years were littered with savage MNF beatdowns. Seemed like the Niners or Favre’s Packers would hang 40+ on them almost every year on Monday night. The worst part of it was my dad being a Niner fan and my Godmother being a Packers “owner.” They were goddamn ruthless to me.

I’m 38 and it still bothers me.

...

Just found the Bears have the fifth worst winning percentage on MNF. They’re 26-37 which means that 10-4 has really improved their standing.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I should be annoyed by you for finding this stat at this point. I just am gonna look up every game at this point now.

...

I found it on a wikipedia page that’s actually flagged for deletion, so it was sort of dumb luck.

I knew they had a shit run in the 90’s, but I wasn’t sure if I was remembering it correctly or not.

Cuntler

Bears v. Packers last year on Thanksgiving.

...

I’m still baffled as to how that happened.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Guess who got the turkey asshole.

nomonkeyfun

“Hey, I’m from California not Southern Indiana. I don’t like those type of assholes.”

-Rodgers

“What are we talking about meow?”

-Catler

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Dem turkey assholes is good eatens!”

Cuntler

Aaron Rodgers has lost his fastball, and they haven’t done anything to improve anywhere else on the team? They’ll be the Colts in three years the NFC North will be the AFC South. Book it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
jjfozz

In basebewl news, the Orioles didn’t just shit the bed, they made a bed out of shit, and then shit it.

Sill Bimmons

Who?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Really, we have to have our team embarrassed again in prime time? Why?

BallsOfSteel

Yet another reason I’m pissed off that the Rams are in LA…

laserguru

Guess you dumped the Sunday Ticket too soon.

Although I admire your political stance, the Rams coming back are the reason to have the Sunday Ticket in the first place.

BallsOfSteel

I wouldn’t have been able to watch the Steelers game anyway. I’m going to a super secret thing on Sunday that i’m not allowed to talk about on social media. I’m hoping I can do a post about it afterwards…

laserguru

I think we’ve advanced enough as a society where it’s acceptable to discuss donkey shows.