Your “Punch (and Beer and Scotch and Martini) Drunk” Late Afternoon Football Open Thread

Don’t you just love flurstbulb? Gspecially when they plat in Londern and you can trink all blay long. WHOO! P! 2 TA BLAMES!!@X!!!!!!!!!!

Den/TB-Believe it or not, rb Doug “I’m super healthy this year, honest!” Martin is out for this one. The Broncos counter with de Ware being de-sidelined. This one’s a wash. For you fantasy dudes, take a close look at rb Sims for Tampa-not the best of matchups but he’ll get a ton of touches. Yes, it’s only 3 weeks in but wr Evans is trending towards 1600 yards and 16 TD’s. I’d go with 1300 and 11 if he’s solved his dropsy problem. Trevor “I’ll try hard not to lose the game” Siemian has acquitted himself better than most folks expected. Of course that D gives him quite a bit of leeway.

LA/Zona-The Rams have won 2 in a row? [looks at standings] Yup. HC Fisher is that co-worker that does just enough to not get fired when upper management is eyeballing him. I hate those guys! Plus, he probably doesn’t cut his nose hairs. Last week the Cards could have crushed Rex Ryan’s chances of coaching the rest of the year but instead chose to fold like a Walmart-purchased deck chair. The chances of each of these squads returning to form this week are very good.

NO/SD-“Don’t You Forget About Me.”-Both Team’s D

Simple minds like yours truly want to the see the world and both of these D’s burn. Let’s have a 53-48 “this is what you really want, Goodell” final score.

Dal/SF-The Dez has a hairline fracture and didn’t show up to his MRI apparently. What the hell do you want Jerry? THE GUY MAJORED IN DRAMA!* (*may not be even remotely true) If you’re in a PPR league you’re in love with a little Beasley. Qb Gabbert is getting it done in the “Start Kaep” department-his 5.5 yards per attempt is last among starting QB’s. As a Giant flan, (and who doesn’t love an over-sized flan?) I’m hoping that the Niners steal this one but there may not be enough smoke and mirrors in California to pull it off and that’s saying something. What am I trying to say? Nothing.

Now, my sweet, sweet monkeys, GET GOING!

 

 

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fleshwound_NPG

Rams and Raiders, the current and former LA teams, are playoff contenders. One is coached by Jeff Fisher, the other Jack Del Rio.

Soak that weird shit in.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Mark Davis soaks a lot of weird shit in

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So do the seat covers in Rob Ryan’s van.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I will continue just assuming Jack Del Rio is dead. That is terrible though

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve heard his appearance described as “a very handsome man that died and came back as a zombie.”

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

No one ever called him handsome

...

RAM IT

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I want the ‘Skins to rename their stadium Marion Barry Coliseum. It will be colloquially known as “The Pipe”.

There’s all the be the, “Bitch Set Me Up” suite level

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

NO YOU HAD POPPERS FOR DINNER!

fleshwound_NPG

Ya Drew Brees, ya gotta consider shaving it all off right now.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Saints got a win?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They are going to have a parade in Philip Rivers’ honor in New Orleans tonight!

It will feature a second line, baton girls in bikinis, and a float.

fleshwound_NPG

Glorious floatception

Bortleback

So did the Chargers see how the Cards derped their shit away, and decided to out-derp them?

WCS

YA BETTA PICK SOMEBODDDYYYYYYYYY

King Hippo

this is sadder than midget scat porn

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Jamaal Charles has a higher YPC than any other (primary) running back in NFL history.

Holy balls.

Col. Duke LaCross

Ingram should have four TDs right now.

Gratliff

He’s only gonna have like 9 kids after he gets done blowing off steam

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I still remain pissed my gif got stolen and posted improperly. Fuck NSZ. I dislike this guy now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

IT’S LIKE HE’S ALWAYS ONE STEP AHEAD OF YOU!

fleshwound_NPG

3 TOUCHDOWN KHUN GRITKKAKE

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Drew Brees is having a kinda crappy day.

I would take a kinda crappy Drew Brees with cerebral palsy over Ryan Fitzpatrick.

Gratliff

That was just a shittastic hail mary attempt

King Hippo

so…not only will NO score now, but it will be with no time for King Laserface and his Arena League wideouts to respond.

King Hippo

there will be a chance for a UT ending. About the same yard line, too.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

My girlfriend has a nice pair of melvins.

Gratliff

Jesus fuck, Cards.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Geez, after all the tits and none of you have a photo of Milton Berle’s cock?

Oh the humanity!

Gratliff

Marmalard is gonna have a fucking stroke.

Senor Weaselo

But having a stroke’s a sin!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am more pissed NSZ stole that one from me

New School Zero

Here’s what I meant to post instead of bewbs:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppLRUHb_tOc

Stupid lack of access to the OSZ account.

Shogun Marcus

See that’s where I thought you were going originally.
I wasn’t arguing how bewb = melvin because math hurts.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

She has a nice rosary.

Hello, lovelies!

Gratliff

I appreciate the quality of that roughing call.

fleshwound_NPG

oh my

Horatio Cornblower

Uhhh, NSFW?

fleshwound_NPG

Semi-NSFW…only one tit showing

New School Zero

OH DAMNIT SOMEONE DELETE THAT

Senor Weaselo

BAD NEW SCHOOL, NO BEER THIEVING FOR YOU

Horatio Cornblower

I would but I no longer have access to the dashboard for some reason.

Gratliff

LAST MINUTE RAMS DERP

blaxabbath

Fucking Survivor pool! I dropped the Texans for the Lions at the last minute.

And that was my Aleppo Moment.

Senor Weaselo

What… are the Lions?

WCS

How in the liquid shit is LA about to be 3-1? Guess it’s time to give Jeff Fisher a 20 year contract extension.

Also, the fuck, boys, are you doin’?

King Hippo

moustache knows all and NO you can’t ride

blaxabbath

Hoping this is a long con by the rest of the division to get RAMIT to sign on Fisher for life and trade off Goff.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think there have been a couple of fourth-quarter lead changes in this Rams Cardinals game and I’ve barely even noticed.

Horatio Cornblower

Judging from the empty seats at that game you aren’t the only one.

Senor Weaselo

Meanwhile, in Senor’s suicide pool:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw98ARXfcqk

King Hippo

such a MELVIN

Spur
Gratliff

Welp. That’ll do for suicide pool, too.

Shogun Marcus

Why is Rodney Harrison?

blaxabbath

And there’s your Stanton pick to drop ARI to 1-3.

Senor Weaselo

My suicide pick rests on Drew Stanton. DREW STANTON.

blaxabbath

u.

R.

DEAD AF.

King Hippo

remember, down the street NAWT across the tracks!!

Moonbatting Average

GODAMMIT GEICO A LLAMA IS A NEW WORLD ANIMAL MARCO POLO DID NOT HAVE ONE

Horatio Cornblower

This has bothered me as well.

Spur

LETS GO LANDRY SHIFT

King Hippo

Not a drill, ppl. DREW STANTON 2-minute drill

Spur

where?

King Hippo

AZ/RAM IT

Spur

Bunch of dead 49ers today.

Shogun Marcus

OSHA didn’t cover mine collapses back then.

Horatio Cornblower

Cholera?

Romonobyl

They better be careful what kind of hookers JJ’s boys pick up tonight in San Fran.

Gratliff

This Cowboys victory brought to you by bullshit roughing calls.

Spur

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blaxabbath

Palmer has a concussion.

At least Birdcano fans will have an excuse to tell themselves why this team is going 1-15.

Gratliff

C’mon, Fitzy. I still think you’re the best receiver of all time. Make it happen.

Spur

CLAIBORNE

fleshwound_NPG

Need 6 yards, throw for 4…

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