2016 Quotables (Week 6 – Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

Latest posts by blaxabbath (see all)

Remember in the Cardinals preview when I told you not to pick David Johnson early in your fantasy draft? Well, I also said that team could be the top overall seed in the NFC so I’ll just stick with what I know and that’s posting gifs for the rest of you to be funny about.

No forms this week so just use the comment section (I’m too slammed to mess with all that). I was against it but I understand that public transparency combined with the need for Commentist ID laws are the only solution to the rampant #humourfraud that will surely become the next big hashtag (not really — see above for my skills as a predictor of anything). So enjoy these snippets because your next dose of football will be TNF Bears at Packers. It will be a something-fest, I guarantee it.


Denver Broncos linebacker Von Miller greets fans before a Thursday Night Football game against the San Diego Chargers.

Washington Redskins tight end Vernon Davis excessively celebrates a touchdown reception in a game against the Philadelphia Eagles.
Washington Redskins tight end Vernon Davis excessively celebrates a touchdown reception in a game against the Philadelphia Eagles.

Kansas City Chiefs player Derrick Johnson tackles Jalen Richard of the Oakland Raiders.
Kansas City Chiefs player Derrick Johnson tackles Jalen Richard of the Oakland Raiders.

A Cleveland Browns fan celebrates during the teams game against the Tennessee Titans.
A Cleveland Browns fan celebrates during the teams game against the Tennessee Titans.

Atlanta Falcons wide receiver Julio Jones fails to make a 4th down catch in the teams final offensive play in a loss against the Seattle Seahawks.
Atlanta Falcons wide receiver Julio Jones fails to make a 4th down catch in the teams final offensive play in a loss against the Seattle Seahawks.

New England P*triots fans cheer for quarterback Tom Brady in his first home game since his suspensions.
New England P*triots fans cheer for quarterback Tom Brady in his first home game since his suspension.

Los Angeles Rams wide receiver Tavon Austin looks for guidance during a game against the Detroit Lions.
Los Angeles Rams wide receiver Tavon Austin looks for guidance during a game against the Detroit Lions.

Arizona Cardinals DJ Swearinger tackles New York Jets wide receiver ____ in a Monday Night Football game.
Arizona Cardinals DJ Swearinger tackles New York Jets wide receiver Charone Peake in a Monday Night Football game.

Dallas Cowboys coach Jason Garrett reacts during a game against the Green Bay Packers.
Dallas Cowboys coach Jason Garrett reacts during a game against the Green Bay Packers.

blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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UnsurprisedBrettFavresColonoscopyballsofsteelandfuryWarthogKing Hippo Recent comment authors
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/6Wb6Op2foRGqk.gif?resize=480%2C266

Derrick Johnson one bone crushing hit closer to joining Derrick Thomas

BrettFavresColonoscopy

http://i1.wp.com/i.giphy.com/wfdK1q2pRZiwM.gif?resize=480%2C270

There’s a pegging joke deep in here somewhere…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/AoFcFbEEQiyyc.gif?resize=480%2C270

St. Louis or Los Angeles Rams? Which way? I really don’t know!

BrettFavresColonoscopy
ballsofsteelandfury

Cleveland gif:

Officer, I do not have a gu…

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Holy shit that is so dark it already got shot “resisting arrest”

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

http://i1.wp.com/i.giphy.com/RFYwpvV7g4bJK.gif?zoom=1.5&resize=468%2C264

No one wearing that should ever think they are better than anyone else…EVER.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

That’s not so much a joke as the most damning statement ever.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/3oI9JMa3WSPkTj6kFy.gif?resize=480%2C270

1. These Packers of Green Bay may have their championships and community support, but my Cowboys of Dallas will always be welcome in the finest gentlemanly eating clubs.

2. The last Cowboy this excited to win in Wisconsin was LBJ.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Garrett’s really rubbing his complete digital mobility in the faces of everyone who stroked out after the second helping of bacon cheese curds

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Garrett: “I’m gonna barbeque yo’ ass in molasses!”

Packers fans: “DIBS!”

King Hippo

“Does DAK! think I look cool? I bet DAK! thinks look cool.”

Warthog

In reference to those camembertian comestibles, this way to the egress.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Swearinger, you cocksucker

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I haven’t seen Atlanta fucked over this hard by a Sherman since the March to the Sea.

Warthog

So I’m guessing TB 12 is worse than TB 11, but is it as bad as Hanta/AIDS?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It’s an even worse strain of MRSA, if you can imagine

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Gif boner.

LemonJello
LemonJello

http://i1.wp.com/i.giphy.com/RFYwpvV7g4bJK.gif?resize=480%2C270

“Just remember, folks; Roger Goodell is a goddamn disgrace!”

King Hippo

SYYYYYYKKKKEEEE!!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Cleveland – Tennessee: I’m tellin’ ya, that steelhead was THIS big!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Falcons – Seahawks: I haven’t seen a Sherman use such dishonorable tactics to disrupt the production of a Jones since the Federals overran Mrs. Charles Colcock Jones’s plantation outside of Savannah in 1865.*

*this is a true historical event I looked it up.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

NEEEERRRRRRDDDDD

Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal
King Hippo

Somebody gets to see Twin Peakes in his mirror today!

Enrico Pallazzo

Vernon wants everyone to remember that the Golden State Warriors blew a 3-1 series lead.

SonOfSpam

http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/xGKImV15Y7w7C.gif

Milton fumed the entire ride home; they had rehearsed for hours, but when the time came, M, C, and A were nowhere to be found.

SonOfSpam
LemonJello
LemonJello

Shut it down, folks, we’ve got a winner right here.

LemonJello
LemonJello

http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/AoFcFbEEQiyyc.gif

“You called Purple Monkey Dishwasher in the huddle, so that’s what I’m doing!”

SonOfSpam

http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/6Wb6Op2foRGqk.gif

Oh, so there are OTHER occasions where people wear black around Chiefs linebackers.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Took me a second, but oh my.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That comment hit like a shot to the head…. in the parking lot.

LemonJello
LemonJello

http://i0.wp.com/i.giphy.com/xGKImV15Y7w7C.gif

“I once caught a fish THIS BIG!”

LemonJello
LemonJello
LemonJello
LemonJello
LemonJello
LemonJello

http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/o6cvkcyQWUFPy.gif

“You like that, huh? YOU LIKE THAT!!”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

(I know that’s a Cousins joke, but I’m lame and had to add this)

comment image

King Hippo

“We at Fox apologize to our viewers for this wanton display of blackness.”