Actually not a bad week for highlights. Granted, overall fan spirits should be higher with the election being over (or not) and Big Food Holiday going down during the three Thursday games. It was also JV Rivalry Week and, as much as I wanted to include some items from such bloodbaths as the Apple Cup or the Battle for Floyd of Rosedale, these college kids simply do not have the size/speed/expectations to compete with the pros when it comes to making Quotables. Sure, they target headshots, step on concussed players, and even level officials — and that was all just from the Battle for the Jeweled Shillelagh — but an Oregon player dropping a wide-open 4th down TD just doesn’t offer the same joy as the Chicago Bears millionaires failing to make that same connection.
But, as I said, among the NFL ranks it seems like everyone is back on the level. OBJ is playing bad teams without defensive backs so he’s a happy dancing man. The Steelers are beating bad teams (with nearly the same record as PIT) so they’ll be flying up the power polls. Brock Osweiler is throwing picks, Drew Brees is lighting up bad teams, and the Raider Nation is making a return to our weekly feature. In all, I’m bullish about leaving things to Balls next Monday (I will be flying to Hawaii if anyone has any input on things to do in Maui or ‘The Big Island’).
Dear men: It is never ever ever okay to hit a woman and no one should have to tell you th… well, maybe I was just a bit hasty.
Bortles is teaching the Bears football now?
Fuck the Ravens
Wilson drop: “Ah goddammit motherf—hey, Security Dan, did you see that catch that I definitely made and didn’t drop?”
Ravens safety: “And in the end times, all will bow to BLEERGH and his will shall be strewn across the field.
Blax definitely do the mountain bike ride down from the volcano. It isn’t intense and the value blocks any traffic. The sunrise is cool but you can do it without waking up at some ungodly hour.
OK. I have to know which college game this one is from.
Believe that was Ole Miss Bama a few years back.
Ol’ Miss Bama had a dope-ass talent performance.
She’s like a drunken, Southern Belle version of Rey Mysterio.
Her cock is bigger tho.
Panthers jersey, ball from Cam, photo on a milk carton before the end of the night.
Visa – it’s everywhere you want to be.
I didn’t know Peter King is a Raiders fan!*
The kid is actually too big for Peter to steal a ball from; might get his ass kicked.
Mine is just a PK dig; Lemonjello’s is the actual submittal…. because that one is actually funny.
Looking at that Raiders gif I keep coming back to 2 thinks I think I think:
a) What kind of parent lets their kid go to a home Raiders game wearing the visiting team’s jersey?
xv) Is there footage of the “fan” that tries to slap/take the ball away from the kid getting the curb stomping they deserve?*
*If one of my spawn were to be slapped like that, I’d make it my mission to do as much damage to that person as I could before stadium security pried my hands out of their chest cavity.
The woman directly behind the kid posted something explaining that the woman slapping didn’t actually know the kid was there (she was just trying to swat it away from Cam), and all was well afterwards.
Oh I just figured they were familiar and she was messing with the kid. I mean, it clearly wasn’t a sincere attempt to get the ball and this kid was happy so, I think, all is well in the Black Hole.
/But the internet still needs to get in its shots.
Especially the idea that a black kid’s face would be on a milk carton in North Carolina
(Oops. Game was in Oakland. Oh well. Fuck it.)
Are you sure? That guy is showing the same casual disregard towards the blacks that PK does/
National Disgrace Roger Goodell: “Nope. Nothing wrong with that hit at all. Perfect example of our ‘Heads Up Program’ at work.”
To be fair, his last words were, “HEADS UP!”
http://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nfl/tebow-claims-belichick-nixed-dollar1m-endorsement-deal-before-cutting-him/ar-AAkRY1r?OCID=ansmsnnews11
The money line from that interview is that Tebow genuinely believed he could be to Tom Brady what Aaron Rodgers was to Brett Favre.
“I’m pretty sure they weren’t screaming “SHOW US YOUR PITS!”
It’s NOLA; this is all the contact needed to exchange STDs.*
*Thanks Gronk!
/Double-checks the visual
Yes, they were.
Note: none of the white people shown here are actually from Detroit.
Detroit is like Children of Men except there aren’t any more white people being born and there aren’t any men in this gif.
“What does Cutler put on the ball? It smells like cat piss.”
http://pictures-of-cats.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/cat-gland-facts-for-kids-x.png
Well, Cutler has always had a sac problem.
Cutler wouldn’t have a sac problem if he got his anal gland expressed more often.
“I don’t care how ELITE he thinks he is, Flacco can keep his non-fat Wintergreen ice milk after game ‘treat’ all to himself.”
Alternate:
“HAIL, HAIL, all thee to BLEERGH. Righteous God of Penalties. We commit these fouls to appease thy wrath and offer up yellow hankies on green grass. HAIL BLEERGH!”
“If I was a P*triot cornerback, this would totally be called Offensive Pass Interference!”
“Do I look like the Terminator with these glasses?”
“No.”
Alternate:
“Should I go with ‘Come with me if you want to live!’ or ‘I’ll be back.’ when I get to Hue?”
*sigh* (under his breath) “Slapdick.”
Just noticed the walking heart attack/ aneurism/ stroke victim next to him…. dude looks close.
Dude who looks like Scully and Hitchcock in one?
http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/b99_scully_and_hitchcock_6601.jpg
When it takes two people to convey how clogged your arteries are……
That dude is clearly winded from just trotting to the hash marks.
I swear, I FUCKING SWEAR TO GOD, that I saw the CLOTS logo on his shirt before I realized it was just the Giants.
All Hue Jackson is looking for is a win.
Bibbs: Eric Berry shows the world how you fight cancer. Head on.
Immediately after the season, VP Pence ordered all the penalized players into gay-conversion treatment for their “holding” issues.
When Grandma Davis was reached for comment she quickly denied having anything to do with Vontae
THIS VONTAE DAVIS, I CALL HIM A DRUNK GIRL IN A MEN’S ROOM, BECAUSE HE NEEDS SAFETY HELP AND IS ABOUT TO GET FUCKED BY BIG BEN.
\Tip O’The Hat to Fronkenshteen for the excellent work to inspire this rip-off
“THIS VONTAE DAVIS, I CALL A BATHROOM STALL DOOR BECAUSE HE’S DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO STOP BIG BEN FROM HAVING HIS WAY.”
\Fronkenshteen’s is definitely better
Marquess Wilson Hillary’s away a Bears victory.
Usually, the search for a Browns coach doesn’t happen until January.
http://replygif.net/i/698.gif
Coach Harbs only did this to screw over brother Jim who took the Ravens and was giving six points.
Bears: “Eh, Bears fans are used to taking large objects up the ass”
McAdoo: “Dammit, Gerry Grgich, I need to see Hue Jackson, not your dog’s prolapsed anus.”
Also, McAdoo looks like he’s either 325 lbs or 150 lbs in that sweatshirt.
Because looking away but still leaving the game with a sore ass about sums up Bears fandom this year.
More evidence that fat women are shitty strippers.
Cam: If he were wearing a Brady jersey, I’m sure Goodell would have executed that entire guy’s family for a blow to the head.
More embarrassing for white people…these gifs, or Trump’s election?
Trick question.
White people do not get embarrassed.
Evidence: Us performing the electric slide at weddings.
Let’s see her Eaux Face.
Lost in the glory of BDD’s white guy dance, is that his thumbs are more fucked up than Brian Baldinger’s pinky.
Steelers: I haven’t seen a Colt have his ankles shattered and get put down like that since Churchill Downs in 2008.
Raiders Fans: “That kid has a Panthers jersey and a game ball. STAB HIM! STAB HIM NOW!”
Makes sense. There actually is no “Cleveland Browns head coach”.
He’s lost some weight, but that’s definitely Albert Haynesworth playing DB for the Colts.
Bears: And thus Marquess “de Sad” Wilson punched his ticket to Cleveland.
Panthers: Charles was always reluctant to acknowledge his relation to his cousin Angela “Deeznuts” Tillman.
That Detroit fan really nailed that Tom Brady impression!
Bibbs: And what happened then? Well in Denver they say, that Kapri Bibbs’ spine shrank three vertebrae that day!
It’s good he’s on the Broncos – they have experience with cyborg-spinal implants.
Who took away his dog?
I know Odell Beckham has been obnoxious this year, but this is ridiculous.
Chicago Bears:
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLL!!!!
Been a while since I’ve done this. Was there a Submit button, or do we just leave our entries here in the comments?
The Submit button died during the days of the Franco-Russian hacking wars. Just go ahead and put it in the comment.
While President Taft sat by idly and did nothing?!!!
It’s all just here now.
I try to make it fun and have a big reveal — and then Putin goes and hacks my emails and, next thing you know, no one’s focused on the gifs and all I’m getting are emails that go, “You know she was born a dude, right?”