2016 NFL Season End Standings, An Exploration

No, not a jazz odyssey, an exploration. Clearly this is not an exclusive club, but I wanted to dig into it further. Just bear with me for a second as we take a closer look at the standings and who led each of these teams to their respective records. I have faith that you all can figure out the parentheticals, especially since it’s not Antonio Cromartie (12).




New England Patriots (14-2) Jimmy Garoppolo (2), Jacoby Brissett (2), Tom Brady (12)

Miami Dolphins (10-6) Ryan Tannehill (13), Matt Moore (3)

Buffalo Bills (7-9) Tyrod Taylor (15), EJ Manuel (1)

New York Jets (5-11) Ryan Fitzpatrick (11), Geno Smith (1), Bryce Petty (4) 


Pittsburgh Steelers (11-5) Ben Roethlisberger (14), Landry Jones (2)

Baltimore Ravens (8-8) Joe Flacco (16)

Cincinnati Bengals (6-9-1) Andy Dalton (16)

Cleveland Browns (1-15) RGIII (5), Josh McCown (3), Cody Kessler (8) 


MYSTERY TEAM (9-7) Brock Osweiler (14), Tom Savage (2) 

Tennessee Titans (9-7) Marcus Mariota (15), Matt Cassel (1)

Indianapolis Colts (8-8) Andrew Luck (15), Scott Tolzien (1)

Jacksonville Jaguars (3-13) Blake Bortles (16)


Kansas City Chiefs (12-4) Alex Smith (15), Nick Foles (1)

Oakland Raiders (12-4) Derek Carr (15), Matt McGloin (1)

Denver Broncos (9-7) Trevor Siemian (14), Paxton Lynch (2)

San Diego Chargers (5-11) Marmalard (16)




Dallas Cowboys (13-3) Dak Prescott (16)

New York Giants (11-5) Eli Manning (16)

Washington [REDACTED]s (8-7-1) Kirk Cousins (16)

Philadelphia Eagles (7-9) Carson Wentz (16)


Green Bay Packers (10-6) Aaron Rodgers (16)

Detroit Lions (9-7) Fatt Stafford (16)

Minnesota Vikings (8-8) Shaun Hill (1), Sam Bradford (15)

Chicago Bears (3-13) Jay Cutler (5), Brian Hoyer (5), Matt Barkley (6)


Atlanta Falcons (11-5) Matt Ryan (16)

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-7) Jameis Winston (16)

New Orleans Saints (7-9) Drew Brees (16)

Carolina Panthers (6-10) Cam Newton (14*), Horse Balls Anderson (2**)


Seattle Seahawks (10-5-1) Russell Wilson (16)

Arizona Cardinals (7-8-1) Carson Palmer (15), Drew Stanton (1)

Los Angeles Rams (4-12) Case Keenum (9), Jared Goff (7)

San Francisco 49ers (Rams and 14) Blaine Gabbert (5), Colin Kaepernick (11)


A couple of observations:

  • This was a waste of my time. NFL.com, ESPN, and the other usual suspects don’t list out games started in a sortable, searchable fashion that was helpful here. I cobbled most of this info from here and wikipedia. In a related note, I am already behind on work for 2017.
  • Not at all what I was expecting. In the AFC, not a single division winner (or any of the playoff teams) had the same QB start every single game, while in the NFC, each of the division winners (and ALL of the playoff teams) did.
  • Every division has at least one quarterback who started all 16 games–except one. Thanks, Ginger Hammer!
  • I put asterisks on the Panthers data because it’s still rigodamndiculous that Cam got benched for one series for not wearing a tie–and Derek Anderson promptly threw a pick. Horse Balls gets two stars because he has two huge balls.
  • Matt Ryan has started all 16 of the Falcons regular season games each year since 2010 and all but 2 since 2008 when he was spelled by Chris Redman for two games. Not gonna lie, kind of impressed, and I had no idea he’d been so consistent/healthy.
  • Drew Brees has started all but 2 of the Saints regular season games since 2006 (!), missing one start in 2015 (Luke McCown started) and another in 2009 (Mark Brunell started). Breesus Christ indeed.
  • Philip Rivers has started all 16 games for the Chargers each season since 2006, taking over from a quarterback who started all 16 games in 2005: Drew Brees.
  • But the king of consistency, apparently, is Mr. Juice Box himself. Eli Manning has started EVERY SINGLE REGULAR SEASON GAME for the Giants since 2005, and even started 7 games in 2004. Maybe Ashley Manning was taking deliveries for her brother in law, too.
  • It should go without saying, but there are some ATROCIOUS quarterbacks on this list that have no business ever starting a game. And this doesn’t include the pupu platter of other QBs that got garbage time or were compelled into replacement duty.
  • Back to the point, though, I expected far more of a correlation between multiple quarterbacks and shittiness of division. The NFC East had every single QB start all 16 games, and that is a pretty stable division.  But other than that, I don’t see any conclusions to draw.
  • HOWEVAH, any team that started three quarterbacks (except New England) this season is a hot steaming pile of garbage. Which is no surprise at all, really. :sigh: I somehow miss Moses Moreno.

As usual, I learned nothing, and Roger Goodell remains a national disgrace. I’m sure Dok or some of you high-falutin’ stats types may be able to dig into this further, but I’m tapped out. May the playoffs not suck!

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BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation's capital and transplanted again to the mountain West. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh



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I am very much looking forward to

“AND NOW, your 2017 Jacksonville Jaguars starting quarterback,



monty this seems strange to me

New York Jets Moving Forward with Bryce Petty, Tell Ryan Fitzpatrick “Don’t Come Around Here No More”

monty this seems strange to me

to Geno Smith: Yer So Bad

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

I think Matt Ryan is just too boring to get injured. Getting hurt would make him marginally interesting and we can’t have that.

monty this seems strange to me

Can we get some statistical analysis on all the Matt backup QBs of the past few years? McGloin, Moore, Cassel, Barkley, Flynn, Leinart, Schaub.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

You forgot Sanchez.

And I think the easiest thing to do is look up Kyle Orton’s rookie year stats and assume they did that

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am an idiot. I might still be drunk from last night

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I thought you came up with your Incognito Name by using your first pet as your first name and a horrendously offensive racial or sexual slur for your last name.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I guess mine would be Doc Larceny. I couldn’t come up with a racist term for a last name that is German for thief and liked Doc Larceny

monty this seems strange to me

“Leave out the Mickeys? What kind of party is this?”

– Darren Sharper

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Just for the record I survived my drinking game I made up last night. Shot every time the football game goes to commercial. There was nothing but people giving their best wishes to my family about my death but I made it.

Bloody Lethal


Anyone else already drunk, or, at least, on the way? Yeah, it’s 13:16 EST, but I don’t go back to work for another week.

Anyway, cheers to taking down the Christmas shit, FINALLY vacuuming this place, and getting the furniture back where it’s supposed to be.



I need to finish a quetionaire and wish I could get drunk off my ass.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I woke up drunover, took a couple shots so I wouldn’t feel like dying and ended up mildly drunk again. I got nothing going on today so I am ok with it.


Good times


Incidentally, what was the reaction here to the boat pics of the NYG receivers? They seemed slightly…… extremely gay. Also: a party for a playoff berth? Don’t think I’ve seen that before.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Eli tried to take them on those Duck paddle boats, but they ditched him with his mom-wife but ran with the theme


“Gay? Whatever, man. Grow up.”

– Brady Quinn

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“I don’t know why everybody keeps making fun of Brady Quinn, I’d KILL to have a body like that.”

– Aaron Rodgers, while murmuring “in my bed” under his breath.

Bloody Lethal

I’m 28. I’m older than a lot of Giants players. I stopped trying to relate to them a long time ago. Odell Beckham wears a special pair of cleats and a special helmet for pregame warmups and then changes for the game. I can’t process that. But I love to watch him play.


“A playoff berth is the pinnacle of NFL success.”

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King Hippo

also, outlasting that motherfucker who won’t stop talking about carboat


This made my day.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I posted the short version of this last night and was told to post the longer version. I was drunk and lazy so I didn’t. Enjoy the longer version plus Norm interview before it. The last bit is still the funniest part.

Bloody Lethal

Was on a Norm kick the other night.


It’s unfortunate that the Bears are so bad even the fourth place frustratingly futile franchises schedule won’t help them much next year.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Why are the Bears 4th? Shouldn’t they be 3 based on SOS? I was trying to figure this out since Sunday


Ah. I meant fourth place schedule, not fourth pick in the draft.

But yes, tie are broken in the draft strictly on strength of schedule.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

And I misread that. They will be fine next year


All I ask is for a few more players like Jordan Howard to root for so they team doesn’t seem so damned uninteresting.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I honestly think they have a decent base now if the entire roster doesn’t go on IR again next year.

“Well, we’ll probably be safe as long as the sun doesn’t rise in the morning.”


What is with the Bears? I mean, Fox has been a successful enough coach in the past. Is it a GM thing? Is it just a matter of the rest of their division being strong right now (I know DET/MIN are inconsistent)?

I mean, the Bears are a storied franchise. If Cutler were more durable, would they be more like .500 team?



Tl;dr version: Too many years of drafting poorly. Angelo and Emery were mostly bad in their tenures and it’s left Pace with very little to work with.


The only question for the playoffs seems to be: Does the NFL want Dallas v New England so badly that it’ll cheat to get it? STAY TUNED!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

They’ll cheat to get Dallas. Belichick already has NE covered for cheating.


Also, I feel like Wilson is used in war rooms across the league as why there shouldn’t be a need to build an O Line. “Well he’s got two and a half feet of that orange construction netting in front of him but still starts 16+ games a year, I don’t see why we can’t demand the same out of Goff!”

“Excellent note, Mr Kroenke! I’ll get the #DanGoffErous posters into production immediately!”


The Seahawks don’t even need to waste money on offensive linemen; just dig a moat and fill it with Recovery Water and the ol’ Charmslinger will be just fine.


I feel like Geno will be the next mobile QB to try to reinvigorate his career by signing on with CLE.


I read that as CFL. Probably still apples.


Holy cow. Could you imagine how many yards per game CLE could give up on a 150 yard field?!


Funny how that after seeing how the Bills and Niners are run, it’s not controversial to say Cleveland isn’t the worst run team there is.


The Browns are intentionally shitty.


At least Haslam brought in a leadership team to run the organization. I’m not saying the saber-metrics approach will work; but they do have a vision. The 2016 Browns were the 2014 Raiders — suffocating under bad contracts, no football leadership after years of meddling ownership, and top tier status as a FA no-go. The Raiders had success letting Reggie McKenzie purge the bad shit, draft well (Mack, Cooper, Carr), start showing FA’s it was a worthwhile place to either land or give a prove-it year, and get a coach with balls of steel and fury.

Jed York is doing it his way and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. He’s made this clear. He’s young Jerry Jones giving Jimmie Johnson the axe (Harbs) except he doesn’t have any kids (yet) to tell him how to do things right in 20 years. As much as I hate the 49ers, their ghetto could-never-afford-rent-within-200-miles-of-SF fans, and their SB rings, hammering two shitty franchises in the division gets old. Jed York is a fucking mega cuck and USC should replace the Niners in the west in five years if he continues to run that show.


USC exceeds the NFL’s salary cap