A couple final notes as we end the highlights for nearly two-thirds of the league (take note of this important figure, the NBA). I know we see a lot of familiar faces/uniforms on Quotables each week and I’d just like to give props to Khalil Mack and Julio Jones, who seem to regularly make the cusp of the highlights but rarely (if ever) get posted on Tuesdays. These dudes are both studs and, as modern America would rather watch a train wreck than a professional in their craft, these dudes are fucking artists (and good guys, by NFL standards) and I’d take either on my team any day. Also, Aqib Talib is a fucking punk.
Ok – your all’s turn!
Michael Floyd effortlessly recreates Ronda Rousey’s last career match
Playoff quotables will be for all the marbles.
But then what’s Emmitt Smith supposed to keep in his mouth?
McGloin got hit in his McGlavin.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQmsBEpDoAg
“…as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror…”
-fantasy owners sensing the destruction of Johnson’s career
That block was a tuna net. An indiscriminate dolphin killer.
Matt McGloin? More like DRAT, MY GROIN!
Get the cart.
“Touchdown Seahawks.”
And so begins the offseason argument in the Windy City that Cameron Meredith is a better quarterback than Jay Cutler.
A sellout
“Looks good to me!”
— D. Spanos
This was the shot of this Sunday’s Week 17 game entering the 4th. Of course, the Rams were being blown out by this point so I only wonder why those who did stay, elected to not move down to better seats.
“Um, moving closer to see the Rams play doesn’t really make the seats better.”
“The Vikings could only use their ‘Polio formation’ once Jay Cutler had been declared ineligible.”
“I could’ve done that.”
–Rex and/or Rob Ryan
Anonymous source Skip Jelly told Jay Glazer that the Niners head coach had been emphasizing special teams all week in practice
The name Skip Jelly is making me laugh more than it really warrants.
Well it’s obviously not Andy Reid making a sandwich.
Or wings.
Have you have peanut butter buffalo wings? I did, in Savannah, and they included jelly. They were awesome.
He had so much fun out there, Brett Favre’s penis grew .2mm that day
Shouldn’t have been wearing a dick chain
“A dick chain? Tell me more.”
-A. Rodgers
“How can you call these games meaningless when a player has his career flash before his eyes?”
“Trent Green told me that had happened to him on multiple occasions.”
-Trent Green
Been outta the lineup too long. This could be our next big break! – Tony Romo’s back
I heard that if you put the Buttfumble album on and play it in reverse what happens will totally blow your mind.
Dave Toub is rolling over in his grave after seeing this.
/ I refuse to believe he is alive and in KC.
“Who knew a play called ‘Roger Goodell is a National Disgrace’ would result in a touchdown?”
(Changes the channel HARD)
The b-roll footage for the eventual 30 for 30 on Rex ruining teams kinda just creates itself huh?
So kind of random but while at the movies with my wife last night the Geico sleeping beauty commercial played.
I almost bit my tongue off resisting making the comment that “obviously that so-called Prince is not a Stanford man.”
Teammate: Hey man, why’d you snap that so long?? Almost put it in the stands.
Long Snapper: Don’t you know the 12th Man is really a part of this team?
David Johnson Pepsi Commercial: “This must be what it feels like when that Def Leppard drummer gets in a car accident.”
Def Leppard drummer: “Nope. Fuck that. He ded.”
I can laugh now that I know it’s just an MCL sprain and he won’t need surgery. YAY, I don’t have to quit fantasy after all.
“THIS PLAY I CALL SHITTING IN THE WOODS BECAUSE THE BEARS DO IT AND IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE IN THE NFL.”
Detroit kid’s ‘GF’, “Shit! He actually did it! Now I have to go to the dance with him!”
Please note this is the PG version of this joke.
Does the non-PG version go something like:
Teenage girl: “Well, guess I’m getting fingerblasted after the dance in Timmy’s basement now.”
\asking for a friend
Meanwhile the other Bears QB, Jay Cutler, caught a flu from his dirty non-vaccinated children.
“I thought these Westworld robots were designed to take more punishment than this.”
Garrett: “Ok fine, now can we get Sanchez in there before this guy breaks his back again?”
Overheard in the visiting owner’s box:
“I TOLD YEW, HE’S A GOTT-DAMNNED STAR!”
*muffled female voice*
“NOBODY TOLD YEW TA STAHP. YEEEEEEHHHHAAAWWWW, I AM FUCKIN’ CRAZY!”
THIS LITTLE BASTARD HERE, I CALL HIM BIG RED GUM, BECAUSE HE STARTS OUT HOT AS A FIRECRACKER, RUNS OUT OF FLAVOR TOO SOON, AND THEN YOU WANT FLIP HIM INTO THE TRASH.
want to, dammit!
http://31.media.tumblr.com/e55f6dbb48dce0c1034a5484fae923bf/tumblr_mhhhp2KS8M1qfr6udo5_400.gif
It’s okay, we’ll fix it in post.
The Bears were deeply disappointed to discover that inverting your passer-receiver combination does not allow you to invert your win-loss count.
Leave it to the guy from Boston to assume that the white guy clutching something and running away from pursuers as fast as he can is somehow the one who needs assistance.
I think the Vikings were less confused by this trick play than by the fact that the Chicago Bears had somehow gotten into their red zone.
Hey! Now they’re BOTH going to have to blow into a tube to get their cars to drive!
Goddamnit, I really liked mine (see above). But how am I supposed to compete with this?
Never got out of the greys on Deadspin once!
I love this place.
Yours made me laugh out loud in Starbucks like an idiot, if that’s any consolation.
I laughed, I cried, I MAY have peed a little
As did #36.
When I planned this I thought Erin Andrews was gonna be the sideline reporter
If that were true, he’d be hiding behind something and peeking out; and that wave at the end would be a very different gesture.
http://media.10news.com/photo/2016/12/20/16×9/Chargers_security_guard_caught_on_camera_0_51820029_ver1.0_640_480.jpg
Ah yes, the curse of appearing on the cover of Electronic Arts’ video game franchise “Legs of Steel” strikes yet again.
Pictured: Forgotten team “legend” allowed a farewell game where the other team doesn’t try so he can have one last bit of glory
http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1309995.1365345354!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_750/nebraska8s-2-web.jpg
http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/kingofthehill/images/9/9e/131904.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/250?cb=20120204141357
Jesus
Looks like for game film Jim Lahey was watching tape from Taijai, Japan.
Taiji, not Taijai, stupid neuropathy. Will there ever be an edit function for comments?
Yeah, we need an edit button!!! Get on it D̶r̶e̶w̶ U̶M̶ C̶a̶p̶ A̶p̶e̶ DTZM!
I had 12 turnovers as a QB in 3 weeks but the Bears are really short at receiver so I got a job next year! Time to splurge on that used 1996 Honda Accord I’ve been eyeing.
“
Try this again:
“Not so fast there, buddy.”
-Bears Front Office
“Matt McGloin takes a hit like a spider that just got shot with a direct blast of Raid.”
Huh. Blax’s caption can’t be improved upon.
Even though it’s been abandoned by the powers that be, life flourishes in Romobyl
“Matt Barkley is the ultimate in gimmickly-used quarterbacking.”
He had lots of practice at USC
First catch by a USC quarterback since Mark Sanchez and herpes.
God damn it. I just spit out my coffee.
Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you forever.
Damn it, Eli.
“Goddammit Abbey, come get your idiot husband!”