Instant Hippo Thoughts – Divisional Sunday!

Yes, folks, it’s the very last one of these we have left as a free republic. Four MORE days until we’uns a client state of the Kremlin, thanks to racists and dipshits and woman/gay haters, etc.

Hey, at least we had two close games yesterday, and one of ’em was even GOOD!

Starting with what was supposed to be the finale, and would have been a fitting one. DAK! had a damned fine game for a rookie’s playoff baptism. A couple of key drops and penalties in the first half didn’t help, nor did some shitty protection (to everyone’s surprise). Troy’s dopey wistfulness for Romo made sense only if’n he wanted him dead.

Rodgers, on the other hand, was firing on all cylinders, running off 21 straight (no pun intended) after DAL’s opening drive FG. DAK! found Dez to cut the lead to 11, then got another FG drive scraped together at the end of the half. 21-13, and a game looked at hand.

But Rodgers and palz got the ball first, and he stuck it in (tee hee) for 7 almost instantly. Green Bay called an excellent read and jumped Dez’ route for a pickerception that looked likely to seal the deal as the Packers neared FG range as Q3 drew near its end.

But Rodgers overthrew an open Adams (his only REAL mistake) on 3rd down, leading to his OWN pickerception. DAK! got 7 back, and the game was indeed on. When his defense got him the needed stop, he got the remaining 8, with 4 and some-odd left for Rodgers to work.

That’s when everything went bananas. It looked like GB would run the clock down and kick the winner, but you know…McCarthy. They ended up having to try a 56-yarder with still 1:45 left (which I thought was a stretch to even try) and it was JUST good. Then DAK! got in FG range so fast it looked as if maybe he’d get the winning TD instead. But no, a 3rd down pass got batted down, and the Dan Bailey kick (dead center, natch) tied things again at 31.

32 seconds. 2 timeouts. If you’re Green Bay, you KNOW you won’t get the ball back if you lose the OT coinflip. And fortunately, they operated with that in mind.

Unfortunately, Rodgers got sacked on a nice CB blitz, leaving them with 3rd and 20 at their own 32, and only 12 seconds left. A miracle they needed, and a miracle they got in the form of Jared Cook and his surprising ballerina feet. Crosby made the pre- and post-icing kicks from 50 (though #2 was terrifying), and onto Atlanta we go.

PROUD MARY, KEEP ON ROLLIN’ INDEED. CHUH CHUH!!!

The second game was an absolute shitshow that Chris Boswell won, 18-16. Or, you could also say that Jake Fisher (is that his name??) lost with an obvious (though probably unnecessary) hold on the would-be tying 2-pointer. The Ben then made by far his best throw of the night to secure the one first down his Yinzers needed to advance for their ass-blasting in Foxboro.

I mean, words fail to put in context what shame this fixture did to the masterpiece that preceded it. Definitely had Andy Reid’s BBQ sauce-laden fingerprints all over it.

But I guess this is what you get from a conference that had fucking Miami qualify for its post-season slate. I mean, JEEBUS FUCK.

Happy MLK Day, y’all!! Make sure to hug any black ppl you see, and thank them for their service. I’m sure they will love that just as much as military folk do when they is just trying to mind they own business ,, amirite??

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Only version of this that is fully uncensored. It only aired once live during Bills-[*Redacted] s in ’92 and you will see why.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OKwRsnWO84

ballsofsteelandfury

The Book has been read and the Library’s closed.

Fucking classic. Was it the Richard Gere bit that got censored? I remember watching this live.

Big Black Richard

For the record, anyone walking up to me and hugging me, whether or not I get thanked for my service, will FREAK ME THE FUCK OUT.

That’s unlikely to happen, though, since I don’t leave the house unless it’s absolutely necessary.

Romonobyl

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montythisseemsstrangetome

I think if the Chiefs had just a little more time in that game they could have lost by more points.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Aaron Rodgers is gay….

after winning such a close and hard-fought divisional game!

montythisseemsstrangetome

Steely McBeam also sure seems to like the Gays.

http://cover32.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/William-Gay-Pittsburgh-Steelers.jpg

William’s whole family, in fact.

Spur

Yesterday’s Dallas lose was so tough. They battled back but fucking Rodgers. The future is bright for my team at least.

Fuck the Pats. Fuck the steelers. Fuck the Packers. And Fuck the King!

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I’m assuming by King, you mean Rodgers?

...

Rodgers seems to have found another one of those Mario invincibility stars and God help anyone in his way.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“They battled back but fucking Rodgers”

So that’s how you distract him.

Big Black Richard

To be fair, that’s how you distract almost anyone.

jjfozz

Definition of a dilemma:

If the Patriots lose, I’m happy because fuck them and all they stand for. They are pure excrement and Tom Brady defines the word “man-bitch.”

If the Steelers win, I am happy because those shitstains from Boston lost, but a Steelers win and the AFC crown guarantees even more cockiness from an already insufferable fan base.

Solution: get blackout drunk on Mad Dog 20/20 create opportunities for psychiatrists who will one day treat my children.

Big Black Richard

Some people with children put money away in a college fund.

DFO members put money away to pay for years of therapy for their children.

Shogun Marcus

Early Vegas Lines
Atlanta by 4, O/U 60
NE by 6, O/U 50.5

Beerguyrob

Sixty is ridiculous….says my $50.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sixty is ridiculous…

“grumble grumble not to me grumble grumble”

jjfozz

The Julian Edelman helmet slam gave me a rock hard erection that would could drill through concrete. What a fucking baby. Don’t sell me that he’s competitive. He’s not. He’s a spoiled cunt.

Beerguyrob

I don’t think enough is being made of that latest example of Andy Reid clock management. It took 5 minutes of game time and a time out to get from the Pittsburgh 35 to the end zone.

Hell, the dumbass probably thought the 2-pointer was first & goal from the 12.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Here were the clock/play times during that sequence, starting at the 38:
7:11
6:25
5:43
4:53
4:47
4:14
3:34
3:29
2:43

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Just to play Devil’s advocate, is there any evidence that the Chiefs are capable of quick drives?

Maybe if they’d told Reid that the offense was heading to the end zone to get him a twinkie…

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I think that type of motivation would work better on Aaron Rodgers.

jjfozz

During my drive in to Baltimore today, I had the window down and yelled out, “Sorry!” to every black person I saw. They seemed puzzled, but chalked it up to just another crazy white boy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Seeing something chalked up while driving through Baltimore seems like it would be a pretty typical morning.

Don T

I wanted PIT to win, but my hate for the Chefs grew with each joyless WR screen, 2-yard toss, and pass before the 1st down marker. I can picture an amped KC locker with offenssive players jumping and shouting COWARDBALL COWARDBALL COWARDBALL.

Enrico Pallazzo

I still can’t believe that worthless ass Jared Cook made a play. Congrats on his first made play ever!!!

Don T

/nods, kicks wall

the Alpha and the Amoeba

He’s actually been fairly solid for the Packers down the stretch, once he got back from that ankle injury.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Resale ticket prices for the Superb Owl have dropped as much as 20℅ after the Cowboys loss yesterday, which just makes my black heart sing.

http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/18484166/super-bowl-ticket-prices-drop-dallas-cowboys-loss

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My silver and black heart is singing as I read Chiefs fans insist that “Harrison was falling down on his own” as though the 300 lb offensive tackle wrapped around his neck had no effect on his ability to keep his footing.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Another reason why I can’t just adopt the Chiefs as my team, even though they’re the only one in my state now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, I don’t know if Harrison gets there in time (though odds are he murderdeathkills Alex Smith either way) but I don’t know how even the most biased fan can see that as anything other than a hold. It’s like when the Golden State fans were trying to insist that LeBron’s block wasn’t actually a block because he “trapped” it.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I have some affection for Travis Kelce, but his postgame rant about the ref who called the hold was such utter horseshit that he should be exiled to Cleveland.

blaxabbath

Won’t someone think of the poor scalpers!?

Unsurprised

Yeah, my thought is that they can fuck themselves to death.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What do the [*Redacted] s have to do with any of this?

litre_cola

Not with Trump in office and Snyder owning the team in Washington.

Ohhh the ticket resellers.

Horatio Cornblower

And just for additional Horatio thoughts, Travis Kelce is a fucking idiot.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Yeah, it’s looking like this is actually his most intelligent commentary.
http://i.imgur.com/3Fg6xWp.gif

montythisseemsstrangetome

Fucking imgur. Anyway, you all know what gif it is.

jjfozz

He got an ear blasting from the team captain as he came off the field.

My sons were watching and I said, “Keep this stupidity in mind whenever you’re on the field. Because that guy is an idiot.”

Seeing as how my middle son’s nickname is “Rage Beast”, I might have to show him that clip a couple thousand times.

Horatio Cornblower

That loss smarts because Dallas came back so well. Fucking Rodgers, man. There’s sentence with more than one meaning! I still don’t know how he held onto the ball on that corner sack at the end.

-sigh-just somebody beat the Patriots.
/although even if the Pats win I can find some silver lining in that National Disgrace Roger Goodell will have to hand the trophy to Brady and Kraft.

blaxabbath

There is no silver lining to a P*ts victory.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I really hate the Green Bay Packers, but I’m totally at peace with Rodgers winning another championship. He’s amazing.

laserguru

As a Vikings fan I can only say…
Fuck Aaron Rodgers with Bea Arthur’s dick!

blaxabbath

You got photos of that?

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