2016 Quotables – Divisional Round (Submissions)

blaxabbath

Oh man — we’re hitting the home stretch now! With the division round games being substantially better than the wild card weekend product, people actually seem excited about GB/ATL & PIT/N*E. I was actually primed with some non-NFL visuals for you all but then we got some real JANUARY FOOTBALL action to save Quotables for another week.

Ok, I guess that’s all I really got so here you go.


Pretty impressive that Alex Smith can lead his receiver into death.
Pretty impressive that Alex Smith can lead his receiver open dead like that.

Something about Poole + Recovery Water
Something about Poole + Recovery Water

 

“¯\_(ツ)_/¯” -#88 to #25

Seahawks have got to get rid of Darrell Bevell.
Seahawks have got to get rid of Darrell Bevell.

Chargers fans react reasonably
This…is…a…wiffleball……..city!

You can't tell me the guy who is ready to fight a 270 lbs man and a game official in the rage of getting his privilege checked did not vote for Donald Trump.
You can’t tell me the 40 year old white guy who is ready to fight a 270 lbs man and a game official and falling over in rage of getting his privilege checked did not vote for Donald Trump.

Because I don't like Clay Matthews....
Because I don’t like Clay Matthews….

Aaaannndddd to begin easing you into the off-season....
Aaaannndddd to begin easing you into the off-season….
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blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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Brocky

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Penalty #90 On the defense

Emotionally roughing the passer, 15 yards, automatic, first down

Bloody Lethal

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Brings new meaning to the term double teamed.

Curse of Marino

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“Not satisfied with the death of Matt Moore, Stealy McBeem demands more blood.”

http://nfldotcom.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/mcbeam_110206_blog.jpg

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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“Looks like we just found our new Strength and Conditioning Coach!” — Dean Spanos

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Not intense enough.”

–Irele Oderinde

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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“It’s gotta be a concussion, because I swear I just saw Alex Smith throw the ball more than 10 yards.” — Chris Conley

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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In Clay’s defense, he is rather used to Aaron running straight into his arms during practice.

Unsurprised

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This entitled piece of runny dogshit is going to have a series of failing but somehow extremely lucrative startups in ten years and this is why I am praying for God to mercifully smite our stupid species from the Earth.

Fronkenshteen

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Just a reminder: Always fight the guy in flip-flops.

Enrico Pallazzo

Zeke better keep working on that spin move what with all of those domestic violence charges coming for him this Summer.

Senor Weaselo

Matthews: “I thought the hit stick worked every time!”

Warriors kid: “Puh-lease. Dabbing is so 2016.”

LemonJello

“Hit stick? You have piqued my interest.”

-A. Peterson

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

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Goodell has just announced a $16,000 fine on the ref for this hit

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

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TOUCHDOWN SEAHAWKS!

LemonJello

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Peter Dinklage in mufti at an open call for Game of Thrones in San Diego

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Clay Matthews: “It’s a GHOST running back!”

Aaron Rodgers: “Hold me.”

LemonJello

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Joe Buck: “Those Workin’ Out With Sasquatch videos really are paying off. Look what they’ve done for OBJ and Clay…”

LemonJello

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That hit reset BOTH Charmslinger and Ciara to virgins.

LemonJello

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Here we see the Seahawks execute Coach’s “9/11 Conspiracy” play to perfection.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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And you know what? Let me tell you something about these tattoos, okay. That is Buddhist, that is Nordic, that is Hindu, that’s just gibberish. They are completely conflicting ideologies, and that does not make you a citizen of the world, it makes you full of shit!

LemonJello

“It’s hard to take her seriously with the backwards hat.”
-Colin Cowherd, probably

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Gaudy, no cartoon characters on the face, not a Citizen, 2/10 WOULD NOT WEAR.”

– Eli Manning

LemonJello

“If she was 20, 25 years older, she’d be at least an 8.”

-Grumblelord, translated

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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To be fair, even Alex Smith knows that if you need a timeout late, an injury timeout is safer than counting on Andy Reid to have one ready to go.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This play (and penalty) is a pretty good counterargument to the Chiefs fans arguing that, even though the holding call on Fisher against Harrison was legitimate, the refs should put their whistles away on important plays late in the game.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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The Falcons wanted to make sure Russell Wilson really knew what it felt like to get fucked

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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If they’re not pissing on it, they’re not living up to their window decals

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh! That gives me an idea! One of the more artistically-minded folks around here should draw up an image of Calvin pissing on Trump; we can sell it to pay for server* costs.

*Servers in VEGAS for DFO Vegas 2: Boltectric Boogaloo

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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The new Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart show looks awesome

Big Black Richard

God have you seen that show? I’ve never felt real, physical pain from a television show until that one.

Bloody Lethal

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Bloody Lethal

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In his latest spot for Head and Shoulders, Clay Matthews plays the dandruff.

Bloody Lethal

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You see where there are only two footprints? That was me stepping on your foot to trip you.

LemonJello

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“Did you see that? He TOUCHED ME! You let that unclean thing,/i> TOUCH MY PERSON!”

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Draymond Green’s apprentice practices his “involuntary” crotch chop
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LemonJello

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“That’s not how the new Trump salute works. Off to the re-education camps with you!”

LemonJello

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She wanted both white meat and dark meat at the post-game celebration.

LemonJello

ALTERNATE:
“Falcon? Seahawk? It all tastes the same to me!”

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

“Idiot Gentile” -Wrist Tattoo

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LemonJello

Google translate lied – it told me it said “Kosher Handjobs”

The other wrist probably says “Halal Handjobs in Arabic”

Unsurprised

Either way, she’s obviously not a Patriot

SonOfSpam

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Ladies and gentlemen, your 2017 Padres leadoff man.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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LemonJello

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What other result did you expect from a play called “Trent Green Rocket Donkey”?

SonOfSpam

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His first words were “May I mambo dogface in the banana patch?”

ArmedandHammered

I was just thinking that it was a good thing he didn’t have his thumbs sticking out, otherwise “Simple Simon” would have been pulling out more than plums

LemonJello

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“MY CHARGED ONES BRING SACRIFICES TO BOLTMAN!”
/apocryphal trumpets blare
/Stomp, stomp…CLAP

ballsofsteelandfury

Low Commander, taking some time off to relax before work.

ArmedandHammered

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I bet Wilson thought he was seeing “nanobubbles” after that hit.

ArmedandHammered

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Why are the birds at the ends of this rotisserie?

ballsofsteelandfury

Most awkward Eiffel Tower EVAR!

LemonJello

Shut it down*, folks.

*I’m still going to come up with idea, but these are both pretty damn good.

ArmedandHammered

She couldn’t decide, 12 men or the 12″ man….

LemonJello

Dammit. I had a 12 men joke all set to go.

Unsurprised

Why not both?

SonOfSpam

I just know they did something fowl to her.

Game Time Decision

Coach Carroll: See here that (88+24)*25 is the melting point of steel. 9//11 didn’t happen

Game Time Decision

This picture is racist:
Gonzalez Lynch Sherman

Sure he’s got a big mouth, but that’s not reason to off him.