Superb Owl LI Predictions: Steven Wright

Thanks.

This game is in Texas. I thought that’s why they billed it Super Bowl Lee.  

It’s the fifty-first Super Bowl but the game’s been played for 50 years. I wondered if anyone knew about the lost year.

So I called Jamie Collins.  

Kyle Shanahan gets credit from getting consistent, solid performances out of his players. His secret is appealing to the 35% of them that is not water.

I got confused the first time I heard the term “mass hole”. So I spoke to a NYU physicist. He asked me “Do you believe in the Ideal Gas Law?” I said “yes”.

He said I was a Masshole.

Two days ago my girlfriend arranged a phone call from Bill Belichick. I asked him what was his favorite defensive alignment. He said “Well”, and droned on and on for nine seconds. Then he hung up to review the third tome of New England’s injury report.

Brady remains questionable. Gronk is out, and about, unquestionably.

Vegas says New England is favored by three and a half. It takes three Nevada guys to persuade a fetus for the Patriots.  

Dan Quinn instructed his players to act like they’ve been there before. They all practiced giving answers to uncles dressed as extraterrestrials. Meanwhile Quinn developed a gameplan to allow the Patriots 300 yards in the second half.

This Super Bowl pins the top team offense against the top team defense in points. Some call it the unstoppable force against the immovable object. One thing denies the existence of the other, just like the NFL Player Care Foundation.

The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I got too excited. I had to visit the doctor the next day and he referred me to eight sessions of physical therapy for my sprained eyebrow.

I went to the first therapy and was kicked out during orientation. I listened quietly and the guy told me he doesn’t cater to the skeptical.

For his stay in Houston Thomas Dimitroff sent a scout team a week ahead to identify the city’s best chicken-fried spelt.

Falcons fans are predicting a win by blowout because New England did not play against a single SEC team.

I have some predictions.

There will be weather tomorrow.

The game will be broadcast in over 30 languages. None will be able to define a NFL catch.

After the game the losing team’s confetti will be sent to the Pro Football Hall of Awareness. It’s located in Los Angeles… I think.

 

Photo via austin-theatre.com

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Don T
Poor choices, mixed results. ¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre! Titans4Eva
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Unsurprised

I just told someone on FB that they were right but to go fuck themselves.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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This game will have plenty of ups and downs. More downs if you are an older woman that Coach Belichick favors.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I once saw a set of odds in Vegas at 3:5, so I asked who is playing in that game? The bookie said it was the delegates versus slaves.

Unsurprised

Jerry Richardson finds this hilarious.

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Unsurprised

Can we get this in the banner? The current banner quote is stale and shriveling fast.

jjfozz

Hopefully, Tom Brady will find that buttonhole he lost.

King Hippo

Each member of the winning side should receive a lifetime supply of powdered water.

ballsofsteelandfury

You did an excellent job.