[Editor’s Note: Bill from Free Ballin’ asked for a guest bloggy-post to introduce this week’s episode, and he handed over the keys to Reverend Mayhem. God help them.]
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Men. MEN! It’s the last week of the season! Normally, this is a time for us to roll around with abandon in the giant steaming pile of #content put forth by the NFL and its captive media. We do this gladly, even though we know that (short of a hooker scandal or a starting offensive lineman going AWOL) there is absolutely nothing of substance being said by anyone even tangentially related to the Football Industrial Complex, because subconsciously we are aware that we must feed on even the thinnest of gruel to prepare for the desolate wasteland that is the pre-draft offseason.
Thankfully, we have the reprobates at Free Ballin’ Football to guide us through the Sea of Bullshit at dry-shod. In this week’s podcast, the gentlemen turn their attention to a wide range of NFL and NFLish topics, including whether Barstool Sports has any relevance outside of the New England echo chamber, Radio Row, the dearth of any real news in the week leading up to the Super Bowl, the healing power of rooting against the Patriots, Robert Kraft’s wardrobe, and actual football analysis. The word “stooge” gets used without reference to Iggy Pop, Larry, Moe or Curly. It’s a good time.
I am fascinated by the concept of Radio Row- it feels to me like the old press conferences where there would be 800 microphones at the podium to capture the same statement in some sort of Radio Shack bukakke thing. Everyone is interviewing the same former players who are only there because they signed an endorsement deal with Dr. Bob’s Electroflorescent Enemas, and all they want to talk about is how this miracle product completely relieves the crippling pain of having played football through the magic of glowing asswash technology. I remain mystified as to how the producer for Rowdy Bob and the Cheesemonger convinces his bosses that they NEED to spend a fuckton of money sending the show to cover the nonevents before the Big Game.
Then you’ve got the ostensible News People who are simultaneously desperate to play up the drama of every minor story (“You guys! The Falcons had Drama seven years ago about the dispensation of pain meds!”) and deathly afraid that if they deviate too much from the banal and sterile questions provided by the NFL Information Commissariat, their Access will be Revoked and thus they will never realize the dream of breaking a Big Important Story like backup long-snapper Timmy Jerkinoff calling the next opponent’s quarterback “average”. THAT’S BULLETIN BOARD MATERIAL! LETS GO TO TWO EMPTY SUITS AND A CTE’D FORMER PLAYER FOR INSIGHT ON WHETHER TIMMY HAS SELFISHLY COMPROMISED HIS TEAM’S CHANCES FOR VICTORY!
Jesus. I threw up in my mouth a little bit with how real that sounded. Sorry about that.
The gentlemen also coin an interesting phrase for the tempest-in-a-teacup overblown storylines from this week: “dingleberries of interest”. I like that. It’s a nice compliment to Peter King’s “nuggets”. Any other scatological journalism terms should be submitted in the comments below.
And as always: Foxboro delenda est.
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Chase them right the fuck out of Missourah!
Best part of the pod:
“We’ve talked a lot about the lead up to the game, should we talk about the game itself?”
“Eh, fuck it.”
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The laughing that “Dr. Bob’s Electroflorescent Enemas” and “the magic of glowing asswash technology” caused got me some strange looks here. Too bad I was at a funeral when I read this. Still they’re getting added to the lexicon.
Tell me more about this Radio Shack bukakke thing…
Insert your own Marilyn Monroe/tables are turned joke here
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Thank god. I’ve been listening to the Denny Green memorial playlist and MAN is it a downer. Need to get some positivity going – or at least some good old-fashioned HATE.
Don’t let me down, boys.
“Wanna talk about a downer? Listen to MY Playlist! I’ve seen some shit!”
-Romeo Crennel
“You think YOU’VE seen some shit…”
– Custodial staff at a hotel where Najeh Davenport stayed.