When we think of religions based around sex, I think it’s safe to say that most of us probably gravitate immediately to the Branch Davidians of Waco and/or perhaps a few hardline Mormon citizens of Utah; no matter what you think of, though, chances are that it’s likely a creepy and weird cult-like sort of thing with poorly-educated kids and sometimes acid trips. Fear not, though! Religion is not always a bad thing, especially when it’s founded on seeking peace and balance and enlightening… the fact that it also has a lot of sex involved with it could be a very, very good thing. This week, we’re talking about a man who became so famous and revered in his homeland that he has sculptures of his dick absolutely everywhere as a means of blessing and good fortune for all around it.

Drukpa Kunley

Born: Tsang region, western Tibet, 1455

Died:  Bhutan, 1529

Occupation: Buddhist guru, traveller, gigolo

The Himalayas are the foundation of Buddhist teaching and thought, with monks found in mountainside monasteries and schools all throughout the region. Just as in Christianity, Judaism and Islam, much of Buddhist teaching does follow a strict hierarchy (think of the Dalai Lama, monastic training, etc. etc.). Rank and file can get tedious after a while. It sure as shit did for Drukpa Kunley.

Drukpa Kunley was born into a noble family in Tibet; despite a good upbringing, his dad was brutally murdered in a family feud, which spurred a move into becoming a Buddhist monk. During his training, he still found that too many monks were far too obsessed with material wealth and possessions, which he disliked greatly; in his early 20s, he decided to leave the monastery and his worldly possessions, save for his little dog, and wander the countryside to learn about magic and spiritual arts.

This is where shit gets crazy.

In giving up all his worldly possessions, Drukpa Kunley also decided to give up normal societal interactions, and lived his life in what we would consider to be a ridiculously drunken, debaucherous way – however, this behaviour was actually incredibly calculated, as he was determined to show that it was possible to live an enlightened life while also being able to enjoy worldly pleasures to their absolute fullest. He became known as the “Divine Madman” as he wandered all over Bhutan preaching, singing, drinking and screwing.

Let’s talk about screwing for a moment. Drukpa Kunley essentially gets to hold all of the world’s best titles, and besides the one I mentioned previously, he also is known as “The Saint of Five Thousand Women”; as part of seeking enlightenment, young women would offer themselves to him in the hopes of being able to one day reach nirvana. The name for his (historically documented large) boner? “The Thunderbolt of Flaming Wisdom.” What a guy.

Besides all the screwing, Drukpa Kunley used his words and his dick for lots of other stuff, predominantly to figuratively thumb his nose at establishment Buddhist teachings and gurus.  One such story apparently has him meeting the head of the Gelug School (which the Dalai Lama now runs), who offered him a rope to bestow blessing on him; he tied it around his dick and went down to the town market, and waved it around for all to see instead… Another story tells of a pilgrim who journeyed across the Himalayas to find him to bless a banner he had brought along with him; when asked, he promptly pissed all over the guy’s banner. He was also known for incredible improvised songs that would rip on absolutely anyone he felt like, including many of his fellow Buddhist saints who were alive during this era; despite all this, they took his hilarious jabs in stride… because he was just that good.

Other stories have Drukpa Kunley fighting demons (a big part of Tibetan/Bhutanese culture) without weapons; instead, he’d just pop a hard-on and run at the demon, waving his dong around to ward them off. Amazing.

The best part of all this? Bhutan has historically to this day remained overall an extremely straight-laced and conservative society, but Drukpa Kunley has been revered as a saint for over 500 years in his homeland. To honour his teachings, the people of Bhutan have statues and paintings of giant dicks absolutely everywhere in the country, so that they might remember the wisdom bestowed upon them by the Divine Madman.

Here’s an example of his line of thinking, a poem written by him about happiness, translated into English for you:

I am happy that I am a free Yogi.

So I grow more and more into my inner happiness.

I can have sex with many women,

because I help them to go the path of enlightenment.

Outwardly I’m a fool

and inwardly I live with a clear spiritual system.

Outwardly, I enjoy wine, women and song.

And inwardly I work for the benefit of all beings.

Outwardly, I live for my pleasure

and inwardly I do everything in the right moment.

Outwardly I am a ragged beggar

and inwardly a blissful Buddha.

As well, if you want to check out the amazing dick art of Bhutan, click the link here to do a Google image search. (I promised DTZM I wouldn’t put in any pictures here because I don’t want anyone to get their work internet privileges revoked. You’re welcome.) You may want to put this in a private session though if your significant other uses your computer, though.

All in all, Drukpa Kunley sang, drank, and screwed his way all the way to sainthood, and became a national hero that pays homage to him in genitalia art, completely disregarding every other premise of their society; there’s no doubt the Well-Hung Lama is one of the biggest badasses in all of history.