NFL News:

• James Laurinaitis has announced his retirement.
  • Hopefully, he goes into the other family business.

• Jacksonville sent DE Chris Smith to Cincinnati for a 2018 conditional draft pick.
  • knowing the Jags, it’s probably in the 8th round.

• Kyle Shanahan says it’s “system fit” that’s keeping teams from signing Colin Kaepernick.

• Chip Kelly is currently ‘volunteering‘ with the Navy coaching staff
  • until he gets the USS Harmon decommissioned.

• Seattle has signed LB Dion Jordan, after Miami waived him on March 31.
  • He was suspended for all of 2015 and injured for all of 2016. Miami traded two picks to the Raiders in order to jump up to #3 in 2013 to draft him.
    • Note: neither player the Raiders drafted is still with the team, but both are still in the NFL.

• Today in “Death to Capitalism”:

• Philip Rivers hears you comparing him to Tony Romo, he just doesn’t care.
  • Rivers is already more than 10,000 yards ahead of Romo in all-time passing yards, has 66 more touchdown passes, 19 more wins, three more playoff appearances, and 12 more kids.

Finally, speaking of Jim Nantz’s new sidepiece,

It's really happening… pic.twitter.com/zT0tOkvQLl

— Earl K. Sneed (@EarlKSneed) April 11, 2017

Team Photo Time. pic.twitter.com/NsdTJaqdt5

— Dallas Cowboys (@dallascowboys) April 11, 2017

Everyone says he’s not going to play a minute, and I can’t find evidence he’s signed a one-day contract, but c’mon. If there’s 20 seconds left in a blowout, don’t think for a second they won’t put him in to start launching 3s. It’s attention-whoring of the highest order, so Cuban will gladly pay the fine.

But God forbid someone actually broadcast the game; I look forward to the KXTX reflejos after the game.

Tonight’s sports:

• MLB:
  • Cardinals at Expos Nationals – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
  • Brewers at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
  • Astros at Mariners – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1

• WWE: SmackDown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
  • good luck topping last night, Blue Team

Thank God hockey playoffs start tomorrow. To quote Fozz,

“JESUS CHRIST, BASEBALL IS AS BORING AS FUCK!”