First, your Power Rankings Update:
Last week (Week 2):
Top 5: PIT, GB, KC, NE, ATL
Bottom 5: IND, SF, CLE, CHI, BUF
This week (Week 3):
Top 5: PIT, KC, NE, ATL, OAK
Bottom 5: IND, SF, CLE, CHI, CIN
Why the 2-0 Broncos are still on the outside, while N*’s victory over a consistently-underwhelming Saints team makes for the most elite 1-1 record in NFL history, is a further testament to how unsophisticated sports media remains. I mean, Green Bay lost to Denver but beat a top-10 Seahawks team, rather than <insert any non-Falcons team from AFC/NFC South> so, if you’re going to let a 1-1 team in the top 5, I’d argue for the Packers. It is nice to see the Bengals getting recognized for being so bad that they popped the 2017 NFL Coach Firings cherry in only Week 2 though.
As a side note, I’m behind schedule on this but understand Quotables loaded kinda slowly last week (which, I’d guess, will also be the case this week) so we’ll start speeding it up next time by hosting the gifs on our server which, according to DTZM, is supposed to remedy this. But that’s for next time anyways so, with that said, I present your slow-loading Week 2 Quotables candidates.
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Big dumb fucking sex idiot.
“That’s it. I’m giving Belichick Gronk’s mom’s phone number.”
I’m sure he already has it.
The last thing that dropped harder than that in Buffalo was Jim Kelly’s jaw.
Hoh Li Schitt.
I had to make these already.
I am ridonkulusly happy about this.
Artist’s rendering:
Nice. Too bad there was only four blocks. If NFLN chose the Brady Bunch Nonuple Box, you could’ve completed the complete picture:
1. Shock
2. Disbelief
3. Delusional
4. Depression
5. Tipsy
6. Drunk
7. Rage
8. Nauseous
9. Acceptance
Fucking Cracker
Here’s the story, of a man who was shady,
Who bought a shitty team on his own,
Working to bring fans and joy all together,
Yet the sadness exponentially has grown.
Ok, who else thought it was just lines over the image and needed to do a double take to see that it was 4 images?
Oh, just me then
Ok, carry on
you catch every STI known to man, but you can’t catch a football
-Tom Brady
That’s pretty bold…last time #24 shot through a white rim, Kobe got brought up on charges.
Jesus, that’s stupendous. Of course it was you.
A true Bills fan would have been ecstatic with that catch. The game would have gone into overtime, allowing for more drinking time.
AND LO, I SAY UNTO THEE THE CURSE OF YATIL GREEN SHALL NOT BE LIFTED
“Pussies.”
–Doug Flutie
You had to figure one of those people would make that shot.
“Guess it’s time to injure his groin with my mind.”
–TB12 and/or Gisele
It’s the skyline chili target-cam.
It’s PEOPLE! SKYLINE CHILI IS PEOPLE!
Tony Sparano’s Football: ….. [cums]
Donald Trump (looking at phone): “Hey, look at this Lynch dance!”
Jeff Sessions (staring at legal pad): “Yeah, they always do til they run outta air.”
We could just re-name this “Son of Spam weekly funtime variety hour”
No, that’s a copyright issue. Let’s just say Fox News ordered 13 episodes, and boy are they gonna be surprised.
“Time to set up another one on charges.”
-Belichick
At least somebody in Shitty Clipper Land remembered to bring their laser pointer….
Just out of reach, like all good things for those from Buffalo.
+1 smashed tailgating table
I want to fly at an eagle
To his knee
Fly at an eagle
Let my momentum carry me
Interior, home office, night
“He’s just a big kid out there, playing football and having fun.”
PK closes out an old Word document titled “My Precious” *sighs* zips up, starts typing
“What a disrespectful display! Just play the game the right way.”
-fin-
“OK, who said the endzone is lava?”
“That Wentz is as slippery as a ham hock doused in Texas Sweet Sauce!” -Andy Reid
“It’s a special spike, they only do it when down 14!”
“I better get used to it then.”
Never change, Buffalo, you’re the Bills-iest.
“NAWT FAIR! GRAWNK WAS CLEARLY INTERFEHAHED WITH! THE LEAGUE IS AGAINST US! FACK RAWGAH IN HIS EARHOLE!”
“Flutie going deep for Moulds…and he drops it!”
“Geez, Jim it’s like you’re stuck in 1999!”
“I’ve been dead internally since then, Mark.”
Cris Collinsworth: “Devonta Freeman played basketball in college.”
Al Michaels: “I’m not sure that’s correct, Cris.”
Cris Collinsworth: “JUST LET ME HAVE THIS YOU SONUVABITCH!”
Al Michaels: *Drinks*
If you grab his genuflectin’ hand he loses his powers.
Roger Goodell fines James Harrison $75,000 for this hit on Carson Wentz.
If you’re happy Marvin Lewis is your coach, clap your hands!
Get your shit together or I’ll avoid you like my bastard kid!
Coach: “Who was that to?”
Catler: “DOOOOONNNNNNN’TTTTTTT CCCAAAAAArrrrreee” /sprays midfield
The Alt-right thinks this is the Black Hole on two counts.
The four stages of Bungles Fandom (clockwise from top left): Apathy, Confusion, Regret, Disgust
The four stages of Redshirt (clockwise from top left): Apathy, Confusion, Regret, Disgust
FTFY
I like it!
I was aiming for the cheerleader who gave her kid the RRM vaccine.
About time, an instance of a black guy shooting at a white guy that even the NRA is cool with.
The lineman puts his arms down before the ball is fully through his improvised hoop.
You would think by now Atlanta would have learned to not celebrate too early