“The Only Thing I Know Is That I Know Nothing” Lesser Footy Thread

King Hippo

Two days ago, I had beers with some bid-ness acquaintances of mine.  On tap were several beers from the delightfully named “Evil Twin” Brewing Company, which none of knew going in.  Apt, because I am the father of twins, one broker is the mom of twins (2 years old, she needed a fookin’ drink), and the other dude is an identical twin.

Also aptly, I chose “The Only Thing I Know Is That I Know Nothing” IPA.  Come at me bro, I like IPAs.

Getting to the footy I know fuckall about, Spurs visit Huddersfield Town to lead things off (7:25, NBCSN).  Per ESPNFC, this will be the first meeting between the two sides.  If that’s true, that’s pretty incredible (given all the Cups and whatnot).  Huddersfield are 8th in the Table, so this is no walk in the park.

In the 10:00 window, NBCSN is continuing their string of Crystal Palace snuff films (Man United this week).  Cruelly, no free alternative is offered.  If you have NBC Sports Gold (spits on ground) or will brave the malware stream world, Bournemouth v. Leicester or Watford v. West Brom are much, much better options.

The 12:30 match is great this week, of course when my JV side plays (sigh).  League leaders Man City invade Stamford Bridge (FULHAM) to take on the defending champs.  On NBCSN, not big NBC for some reason, but it’s hot shit regardless.  City is missing some firepower, so don’t be surprised to see Chelsea mount a real challenge.

You gets a Sunday Funday tripleheader, all on NBCSN.  Arsenal/Brighton & Hove (7:00), Everton hosting Burnley (9:15), then the Barcodes hosting the Redshite (11:30).  All fixtures of at least medium interest, though the last deserves a good suicide bombing.  Everton need a convincing win in the worst way, and Burnley are not a good side to face when lacking form and confidence.  Who the fuck knows what you will get from Arsenal, week to week?

Enjoy it, for another dumb fucking international break looms.

Vanderbilt at Florida (Noon, ESPN)

Florida is poop, but Vandy is Vandy.  They find gloriously creative ways to lose, especially to the Gators.

Georgia at Tennessee (3:30, CBS)

This was the “dueling Hail Mary” game from last season, that damned near gave the elderly CBS crew a coronary event.  And despite how shaky the Vols have been, UGA is due a letdown week.

Florida State at Wake Forest (3:30, ABC)

Just how bad are the Noles/stupid is Jimbo Fisher?  Consider this an acid test of sorts.

Mississippi State at Auburn (6:00, ESPN)

The second tier of the SEC West battles amongst themselves.  Cowbells really shat themselves last week, after a statement win the week prior.  Aubie was crap against Clemson.  Both could really use this’un.

South Carolina at Texas A&M (7:30, SECN)

You know, there are lots of middle-tier SEC fixtures that I find interesting for hard to define reasons.  Or maybe the rest of the slate is just garbage.  South Cakalaky has no offense, TAMU no defense.

Oklahoma State at Texas Tech (8:00, Fox)

Guns Up!! got past Houston last week, now they have to get past a pissed off (or just exposed?) Pokes squadron this week.  But Primetime showcase in Lubbock?  Very interesting.  This is the best matchup of the week, by a long shot.

Cal at Oregon (10:30, FS1)

Calling all tweakers!  Here’s your festival of scoring.

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King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Redshirt

Rutgers’ trick play involved two forward passes. Based on that sentence alone, you can probably guess what the score is.

Senor Weaselo

I guessed when you said Rutgers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

Clemson at Vatech….

COME ON METEOR!!!!

Side note, Blacksburg is a shithole. Seriously…for a school as big as Virginia Tech, there is fuck all to do there. Also funny fact, they didn’t have a high school in that town until like the fucking 1950’s.

Senor Weaselo

Huh. So apparently Monty Hall died.

At his funeral there will be three coffins and it will be up to his next of kin to pick the right one to bury. If they so choose, they will be allowed to switch coffins to bury after seeing a coffin that does not have him, but a (dead) goat inside.

Shogun Marcus

He was alive?

Brick Meathook

Will Jay bring his box down?*

*Note: This joke officially became old during the Nixon administration

Fronkenshteen

I just picked up and inserted a New York Jet into my starting lineup tomorrow. I feel like Snake fucking Plissken.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I thought you were dead, Snake.

Fronkenshteen

THIS FSU/WAKE FOREST GAME, I CALL IT THE CONSENSUS FAVORITE OF INFANTS AND STRAIGHT MEN BECAUSE IT IS TITS!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Unfortunately those tits ended up being saggy and deflated. Unless you’re an FSU guy, I guess.

Brocky

I know my friends are kickass when Toto Africa is played during the reception

Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

Apparently that’s Tennessee on the left and Georgia on the right.

Brocky

People, if you’re going to have a taco station as part of your buffet, out the fucking tortillas first.

tortilla+refried beans+unwrapped tamales are the fucking best

Gratliff

I went to a one day conference thing that did that with qdobas and fucked up the order by putting tortillas last, but having bowls available at the beginning and everyone just had big heaping bowls of random Qdoba shit and a pile of unused tortillas at the end of the table

Shogun Marcus

Trevathan suspended 2 games for the attempted decrapitation of Adams.

Unsurprised

Nap time. Cherry apple cider is damn good, kids. The local store affectionately referred to on r/Portland as MethDonald’s while drunk? Eh …

Brocky

At a wedding. Haven’t been this drunk at 4:15 since college.

Go iu. Beat PED state

Brocky

The sun is 2 bright.

Unsurprised

Let’s nuke it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I haven’t been drunk at 4:15 since….1 hour and 55 minutes ago.

Brocky

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scotchnaut

Been up since 5:19am EST. It’s time for some snoozies.

litre_cola

Just had an hour nap, it was glorious.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Me too!