“The Only Thing I Know Is That I Know Nothing” Lesser Footy Thread

Two days ago, I had beers with some bid-ness acquaintances of mine.  On tap were several beers from the delightfully named “Evil Twin” Brewing Company, which none of knew going in.  Apt, because I am the father of twins, one broker is the mom of twins (2 years old, she needed a fookin’ drink), and the other dude is an identical twin.

Also aptly, I chose “The Only Thing I Know Is That I Know Nothing” IPA.  Come at me bro, I like IPAs.

Getting to the footy I know fuckall about, Spurs visit Huddersfield Town to lead things off (7:25, NBCSN).  Per ESPNFC, this will be the first meeting between the two sides.  If that’s true, that’s pretty incredible (given all the Cups and whatnot).  Huddersfield are 8th in the Table, so this is no walk in the park.

In the 10:00 window, NBCSN is continuing their string of Crystal Palace snuff films (Man United this week).  Cruelly, no free alternative is offered.  If you have NBC Sports Gold (spits on ground) or will brave the malware stream world, Bournemouth v. Leicester or Watford v. West Brom are much, much better options.

The 12:30 match is great this week, of course when my JV side plays (sigh).  League leaders Man City invade Stamford Bridge (FULHAM) to take on the defending champs.  On NBCSN, not big NBC for some reason, but it’s hot shit regardless.  City is missing some firepower, so don’t be surprised to see Chelsea mount a real challenge.

You gets a Sunday Funday tripleheader, all on NBCSN.  Arsenal/Brighton & Hove (7:00), Everton hosting Burnley (9:15), then the Barcodes hosting the Redshite (11:30).  All fixtures of at least medium interest, though the last deserves a good suicide bombing.  Everton need a convincing win in the worst way, and Burnley are not a good side to face when lacking form and confidence.  Who the fuck knows what you will get from Arsenal, week to week?

Enjoy it, for another dumb fucking international break looms.

Vanderbilt at Florida (Noon, ESPN)

Florida is poop, but Vandy is Vandy.  They find gloriously creative ways to lose, especially to the Gators.

Georgia at Tennessee (3:30, CBS)

This was the “dueling Hail Mary” game from last season, that damned near gave the elderly CBS crew a coronary event.  And despite how shaky the Vols have been, UGA is due a letdown week.

Florida State at Wake Forest (3:30, ABC)

Just how bad are the Noles/stupid is Jimbo Fisher?  Consider this an acid test of sorts.

Mississippi State at Auburn (6:00, ESPN)

The second tier of the SEC West battles amongst themselves.  Cowbells really shat themselves last week, after a statement win the week prior.  Aubie was crap against Clemson.  Both could really use this’un.

South Carolina at Texas A&M (7:30, SECN)

You know, there are lots of middle-tier SEC fixtures that I find interesting for hard to define reasons.  Or maybe the rest of the slate is just garbage.  South Cakalaky has no offense, TAMU no defense.

Oklahoma State at Texas Tech (8:00, Fox)

Guns Up!! got past Houston last week, now they have to get past a pissed off (or just exposed?) Pokes squadron this week.  But Primetime showcase in Lubbock?  Very interesting.  This is the best matchup of the week, by a long shot.

Cal at Oregon (10:30, FS1)

Calling all tweakers!  Here’s your festival of scoring.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Never trust Canadia.

litre_cola

Whoa whoa whoa.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So that’s why people don’t trust me.

scotchnaut

It’s hard not to see a black hole on the football field.

/not raycess

herodotus450

Well shit, I don’t even need to watch football anymore now that I found this. Or movies, or tv, or porn, or friends, I could read keep reading this list top to bototm all day everyday.
http://www.espn.com/college-football/players/_/position/k

herodotus450

CCU kicker Masamitsu Ishibashi could tell you, I’m sure.

scotchnaut

“Friends”: Folks that understand your sense of humour, leave you alone when you want to be alone, have similar interests, are not judgmental, understand the value of silence, etc.

/yeah, I had a few of those back in the day

scotchnaut

“I really like the “D” section!”

-A. Rodgers

/yeah, it’s a tired joke
//no, I can’t help myself

theeWeeBabySeamus

ReggieDown? Holy shit….how drunk am I?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I haven’t seen a Dungey spin and defy gravity like that since….

Never mind.

theeWeeBabySeamus

See, that right there is why I love Hippo.
I’ll always have a friend in hell.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And now we reach the portion of our program where I want to murder a certain defensive coordinator.

scotchnaut

Your secondary looks…vulnerable.

theeWeeBabySeamus

“Vulnerable” is a kind assessment. Thank you.

But they’re dogshit. But that little nickle and dime stuff could have been stopped if our DC had clue.

scotchnaut

My son made a request for lunch. THE EGG SALAD MUST FLOW!

herodotus450

Blandness is the mind killer.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sounds like a job for me!
-Blaine Gabbert

Redshirt

The Foreigner: Asian Taken

theeWeeBabySeamus

Doh!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep, took two shots, but the wheel finally rolled.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow, i thought the zebs were gonna swallow the whistle on the PI.
Yes, I yelled at them before the hailed bleergh.
I helped.

herodotus450

Lamical Perine sounds like sounds like the name of your 4th rib bone. Or a species of krill that is native to the south Atlantic Ocean.

scotchnaut

Now you’re just making words up. Krill? That? Give us a break.

herodotus450

I think the “correct” pronounciation is like LaMichael, and not like “Lamb-ical.” Very dissapointing if true, and proof that the illiterates dicto-anarchists have won.

scotchnaut

As an old-ish white guy, I don’t like having to suss out the pronunciation of anyone’s first name.

WHAT DO WE WANT? AN ONION BELT! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? NOW!

herodotus450

Henry, James, John, and Richard are the only names anyone ever needs!

laserguru

Nicknamed Hank, Jimmy, Jack and Dick.

scotchnaut

So what is the best regional fried chicken chain in the US?

theeWeeBabySeamus

It sure as shit isn’t this one.
They’re horrible. I’m not even certain it’s chicken.
http://www.marylandfriedchicken.net/directory/categories/restaurants

laserguru

Churches chicken is pretty solid. When I lived in the Midwest we had Brown’s Fried Chicken, which was real tasty and out West there are still a few scattered remnants of Pioneer Chicken.
Any of you LA folks remember Pioneer Chicken?
I’m still partial to Popeyes though.

scotchnaut

There’s a Popeye’s outside of Toronto that a buddy of mine drives 5 hours to get to every other month. I kid you not.

scotchnaut

That’s 5 hours one way, btw. He crazee.

Viva La Tabula Raza

There was a Popeye’s at Bagram Air Base when I was in Kabul. Every time I had to go out there (about a 50 mile drive IIRC), all my contractors would chip in and I would have to bring back a couple hundred dollars worth of chicken, red beans and rice, and biscuits. Damn near filled up the back of the SUV; those guys/gals loved that stuff and I was their hero for several days after a trip.

scotchnaut

It must have been real difficult driving what with all that grease on your fingers.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Nah, we had a couple Afghan kids with AKs driving and riding shotgun. They were pretty funny guys; we’d tease them that could be the Kings of Afghanistan and take over for Karzai if they learned how to eat pussy.

laserguru

He ain’t lyin’!

It’s also true of Popeyes. You definitely have to drive to the, how you say, more downtrodden parts of the municipality in order to partake of these humble victuals.

/ the previous sentence is best read in your best Foghorn Leghorn voice.

scotchnaut

This is a safe space for white guys, right?

[whispers] First Nations folks in The Canada love, LOVE! KFC.

laserguru

I had some KFC a few months back and it was very tasty. One thing I will give them credit for is their consistency. I hadn’t eaten there in a decade and it still tasted exactly like it always has.

Viva La Tabula Raza

In San Antonio back in the day, Church’s was always co-located with a burger stand called GW Jr.’s. Pretty good burgers, but I guess they couldn’t hang. Plenty of Church’s still around though.

ballsofsteelandfury

one still exists on Soto in east LA. I drive by it every day.

Shogun Marcus

Popeyes if you can’t get bojangles.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Works for me.

Horatio Cornblower

THANKS OBAMA!

scotchnaut

Help me out. Is the current Cuse qb the one that decided that he could live with the views of his ghoulish cadaver of a dad?

scotchnaut

[twirls in a circle a few times] Anyone like my new haircut?

laserguru

It’s simply stunning!

scotchnaut

You’re gonna make me blush!

scotchnaut

Is Bojangles any good? More importantly, in what way is the name racist?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Indeed it is good.
And the name being racist never occurred to me. Hmmmmmm…

DontHair

Tea isn’t as good as chick fil a, but awesome chicken

theeWeeBabySeamus

I could literally eat their dirty rice until my ass exploded.
And have, on occasion.

Unsurprised

I can’t remember if their fries are as good as a guy I knew would constantly say they are, but I would bet they are underwhelming if I tried them now.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit, now I want me some Bojangles.

scotchnaut

I’ll guess I’ll catch some Cuse football for the first time in forever. Is Donovan McNabb still quartering the backs there?

Redshirt

Nine U of Florida players suspended for the year. Please! Based on what I hearing and reading, we may have nine NCAA Basketball teams death penalitied for a year once we’re all done.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have to say, I really hope Adidas doesn’t get investigated much further.

/nervous wuffie

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Ummmm, Roy, we might have another problem.

– Ziegfried

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey GT, the play action thing works a lot better if the back is still actually in the backfield.
Hope you enjoyed earning that sack and making U*NC look good.
Jeebus…gonna be a long day.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Go Jackets!! Kick some Tar Heel Hiney.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh, it’s not as if that’s ever happened before. (/s)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Crap.
Now I gotta watch sports again
Why do I do this to myself?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Also, how the hell is VT ranked #12?

litre_cola

Do i need to post that Cure song again?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, no. I’ve avoided that one.
No ofence.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Meh, fine.
Why the fuck not, at this point?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8UR2TFUp8w

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Would eat. Followed by 2 hour nap

litre_cola

We can’t have another London team go down if Palace already is and Fulham comes up. Balance.

Fronkenshteen

West Ham woo!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Get me some ham.

Col. Duke LaCross

And Ferrari all but guarantees Mercedes and Hamilton the championship.

litre_cola

“Mercedes? Lewis? It’s a conspiracy!” – P Carroll.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Pretty sure he’s Pirate Sloth.

I’ve never seen them both at the same time.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Hmm I do get called a “leach” quite frequently…

Fronkenshteen

Morning boys! Judging from the supporters’ attire, it looks downright chilly in England. Whoops! 3-0 Man. U

Horatio Cornblower

Hey guys, I don’t want to speak too soon but I think Crystal Palace is gonna get relegated.

litre_cola

Yes, and teh mighty Fulham to come up!

Horatio Cornblower

Let’s not say things we’ll regret later.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

/Warily eyes Moose. I thought I was alone.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Anyone up for a haircut? If there’s no one else in the shop my first generation Polish barber recounts to me how many of the older gents whose hair he cuts complain about immigrants. We have a good laugh.

litre_cola

You are in Northern Ont right? You would think he would complain about the natives like in Winnipeg.

scotchnaut

Oh, there’s no end to that as well.

/Overheard a while back

“What is it with those Indians driving nice cars? Back in the day they all drove pieces of junk. They’re getting too much money from the government!”

Horatio Cornblower

I do need a haircut…

Horatio Cornblower

I have also been getting my hair cut by the same woman since the late 80’s. Lately, however, she has been getting more and more racist/homophobic and I think it might be time to find someone new.

And no, I don’t challenge her on it directly. It turns out that my tolerance for those sorts of comments is directly proportional to how close the person making those comments is holding a pair of scissors to my ear.

Brick Meathook

Do you still have an awesome mullet?

laserguru

I too have a female barber. She’s young and quite spunky and we can talk mad smack when it’s just her and I.

Hi Tatiana!

Alas I’m pretty sure I’m not her gender of preference.

litre_cola
litre_cola

Just cuz.

litre_cola
litre_cola

Oh, didn’t see you there, got on a bit of a roll.

laserguru

I appreciate the defense Bournemouth but how about a fucking goal you tossers!

litre_cola
litre_cola
litre_cola
litre_cola

This is a song about being by yourself….

litre_cola

Well if I am here all by myself I am going to fire on some Celine Dion and rearrange the clubhouse.

ALL BY MYSELLLLFFFFFFF

ballsofsteelandfury

LITRE!!!!

litre_cola

Too fucking easy for Man U there.

litre_cola

2nd goal was very pretty.
Is Everton Man U’s feeder club?

litre_cola

Tottenham walked in the park like when you were 14 and wanted to fingerbang your gf. Huddersfield being your gf you see.

herodotus450

Halfback to center?

theeWeeBabySeamus
scotchnaut

Is much too early to be commenting and yet…

theeWeeBabySeamus

At least you slept. Fucking showoff.

litre_cola

Deci and oxi-pug gave me a solid 4 hours. Now Mrs Cola sleeps while I drink Baileys and coffee

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