Your “We’re Gonna Have A Ball Just Like We Always Do” Saturday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Hey there! It’s your old pal Beerguyrob, back for another Saturday night of kvetchin’ and cavortin’. Did you all enjoy last night’s AFL Grand Final? That was a humdinger, and didn’t finish too late on the west coast, so I was up & ready for Australia vs. South Africa rugby this morning.

Shout-out to don_t: glad you’re back on the grid, buddy.

I’d like to thank my close, personal friend gallon_soda for filling in last week while I was off offending Christians at a dog show & catching a delightful cold in the process. The one thing I forgot to remind him of was to present you the broadcast maps for Sunday. Really, I blame one of the Russians that’s always trying to infiltrate the site for sidelining that message. Better that, I suppose, than having Ramon Mercader open your door. Anyways, courtesy of 506sports.com,


CBS EARLY


 Anchorage AK  |   Fairbanks AK
 Honolulu HI

Pittsburgh @ Baltimore Ian Eagle, Dan Fouts
Buffalo @ Atlanta Greg Gumbel, Trent Green
Tennessee @ Houston Kevin Harlan, Rich Gannon
Cincinnati @ Cleveland Spero Dedes, Adam Archuleta
Jacksonville @ NY Jets Andrew Catalon, James Lofton
NO GAME due to local team at home on FOX

I had to look up what a “Spero Dedes” is, because I am unfamiliar with the breed. Turns out, it’s this

and he used to do play-by-play for the Lakers & Knicks. So, no wonder I didn’t recognize him.


CBS LATE


 Anchorage AK  |   Fairbanks AK
 Honolulu HI

Oakland @ Denver Jim Nantz, Tony Romo
NO GAME due to local team at home on FOX

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!1!!1 FUCK YOU, ARIZONA! You get that for ruining Fitty.

Also, Brent Musburger took a run at Tony Romo’s broadcasting style the other day. It came across very much as


FOX SINGLE


 Anchorage AK  |   Fairbanks AK
 Honolulu HI

Carolina @ New England Joe Buck, Troy Aikman
LA Rams @ Dallas Chris Myers, Daryl Johnston
Detroit @ Minnesota Thom Brennaman, Chris Spielman
NY Giants @ Tampa Bay (LATE) Kenny Albert, Ronde Barber, Tiki Barber
Philadelphia @ LA Chargers* (LATE) Dick Stockton, Mark Schlereth
San Francisco @ Arizona (LATE) Sam Rosen, David Diehl

*NOTE: Philadelphia-LA Chargers will air in Los Angeles on KCOP My 13.

I can’t wait to hear the crowd reaction in the Eagles second home, the StubHub Center. Stockton’s going to be ‘gifted’ enough batteries for a billion pacemakers.


Canada:

Sunday – 1pm et/10am pt

Bills vs. Falcons (CTV Toronto, CTV Kitchener)
Rams vs. Cowboys (CTV Alberta, CTV Saskatchewan, CTV BC)
Panthers vs. Patriots (CTV, Montreal, CTV Atlantic)
Steelers vs. Ravens (CTV Winnipeg, CTV Ottawa, CTV Northern Ontario)
Lions vs. Vikings (TSN2)

Sunday – 4:05pm et/1:05pm pt

Giants vs. Buccaneers (TSN2)

Sunday – 4:25pm et/1:25pm pt

Raiders vs. Broncos (CTV Network EXCEPT CTV Atlantic, CTV Two Atlantic)


Tonight’s sports:

  • NCAA:
    • Mississippi State at Auburn – 6:00PM | ESPN
    • Memphis at Central Florida – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Clemson at Virginia Tech – 8:00PM | ABC
    • Oklahoma State at Texas Tech – 8:00PM | FOX
    • Mississippi at Alabama – 9:00PM | ESPN
    • Colorado at UCLA – 10:30PM | ESPN2
    • California at Oregon – 10:30PM \ FS1
    • San Jose State at UNLV – 10:30PM | ESPNU
  • CFL:
    • Argonauts vs. Tiger-Cats – 6:30PM | TSN
    • Blue Bombers vs. Eskimos – 9:30PM | TSN
  • MLS:
    • Toronto FC vs. NY Red Bull – 7:00PM | TSN2
    • Sporting KC vs. Whitecaps FC – 9:00PM | TSN2
  • NHLX:
    • Red Wings at Leafs – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Oilers at Canucks – 10:00PM | Sportsnet

Other TV:

  • SNL: Ryan Gosling / Jay-Z – 11:30ET/8:30PT – NBC / Global
    • Season premiere; live from coast-to-coast

Next Saturday, Canadians get “Hockey Night In Canada” back. IT’S THE MOST….WONDERFUL TIME…OF THE YEAR!!!

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Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Redshirt

Rutgers’ trick play involves two forward passes. You are free to speculate on the score of the game.

ballsofsteelandfury

69-69?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Twice in one night???????
Fuck it….where’s the viagra?

Unsurprised

Twice as Nice

LemonJello

2-2?

Senor Weaselo

You said Rutgers. So Eleventy Bajillion-(-4)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Goddamnit. So I set up the rain barrel before I left and it rained while we were gone so basically now I have a mosquito farm in my yard.

ballsofsteelandfury

The fact you’re in metro LA makes that very ironic and funny.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Kind of funny that I got fewer bites in Singapore than I have in my own backyard.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Kind of funny that I got fewer bites in Singapore than I have in my own backyard.

Ya know, if I didn’t know you had already mentioned mosquitoes, I’d be laughing my ass off at this right now.

ballsofsteelandfury

Right?

Brick Meathook

And you set this up? And then it rained? Isn’t that what its supposed to do?

Redshirt

On the bright side, with some time and effort, you can have a mosquito army in your yard.

ballsofsteelandfury

I can attest that white candy corn M&Ms are a delicious thing.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I want to believe you. But…..
That sounds nasty as hell.

ballsofsteelandfury

Litre said he would do a Baking with Litre post on these. That might be dangerous because I could see potheads eating these non-stop. It would be the Eternal High.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OH, well ya didn’t say they were gonna have weed in them.
You now have my approval.

litre_cola

Once I get my hands on some!

ballsofsteelandfury

How many you need? My local CVS has them in little packets.

litre_cola

Depends on the size but I reckon 5 would do it.

ballsofsteelandfury

Give me an ounce count, slack me your address, and they’re on their way.

litre_cola

Will do

Shogun Marcus

That can’t be so. Unless it doesn’t taste like candy corn at all.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve never eaten candy corn, so that may indeed be the case. It tastes like white chocolate.

LemonJello

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JustStopDude
Brocky

I’ll never be able to look at troy university and not think of some random guy I knew from high school singlehandedly beating division 1 teams

LemonJello

This guy?
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Brocky

… I didn’t know him in high school though

LemonJello

Sad KnobGobbler Fans! Drink!

/remembers he has to get daughter from dance

Dammit!

Brick Meathook

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Brocky

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Viva La Tabula Raza

The important question remains “With whom?”

Brocky

And for which cards?

Blain’s magmar has got to be worth at least an old fashioned

LemonJello

Chlamydia, I choose you!
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LemonJello

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Tonight’s cocktail: raspberry lime mojitos or raspberry lime margaritas?

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I generally distrust drinks with rum in them. (Don’t ask, it stems form a fairly painful experience in college.) So I’d go with the raspberry lime margaritas, as long as you’re making them yourself and haven’t got a premade mix from some dark circle of hell.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s all fresh. We have more tequila than rum right now so I’m leaning in that direction.

laserguru

Do you have a predilection towards hangovers from one or the other?
Use that as a determining factor.

I would go rum based on previous tequila aftermaths.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes

LemonJello

Yes. Have some.
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litre_cola

Mojitaritas

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Just a friendly reminder to all of you out there that if you want to see a game that isn’t being broadcast in your area, then just search for “‘sport of choice’ stream reddit” and you should find a subreddit that will take care of all your needs.

I would suggest installing Ublock Origin first, tho.

For example, “NFL streams reddit” will bring up this page.

On the other hand, “college football stream reddit” will bring up this page

Edit: typos

JustStopDude

Dude…you know there are media people that are dependent on money from advertisers. The advertisers themselves need views to be able to funnel funds to the sleasy recruiters and family members of these kids playing for free.

I don’t think you are a bad person…I just think you are a godless communist and you should kill yourself.

God Bless America

/Stands for National Anthem…farts.

LemonJello

/Nudges JustStopDude, nods at back of his pants

“That wasn’t a fart. Gobbless.” smh

LemonJello

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litre_cola

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

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LemonJello

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ballsofsteelandfury

“Hold my beer”

theeWeeBabySeamus

HOLY SHIT WHERE ARE TEH BRAKES????????

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

“And then the ritual sacrifice began…”

herodotus450

New rule: replays kinda suck and always take too long. Oh wait. That’s not a rule.
New rule: replays outside of the last 2 minutes can only use full speed replay angles, and can take no longer than 40 seconds.

Spur

Troy is beating LSU 17-0

herodotus450

Apparently LSU forgot the one rule when you play against the Troy Troyans:
Everybody Guard Jordan Chunn Tonight.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

That much jellied gasoline only needs one more thing.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

I think the biggest thing I hate about Va Tech having a big game isn’t the traffic it puts on I-81 or all the rednecks that come out of the mountains to flood Roanoke bars…its that I can’t twitter troll their fans because literally every single person that went to Va Tech that can use a phone or twitter is plastered at the game.

The rest of the fan base struggles with modern technology.

Seriously, check out twitter for this game…its nothing but advertising tweets for mugs and fucking shirts.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Okay, I’m gonna wander over to my gate soon. Everyone have a great morning!

laserguru

travel safe, Dok!

Romonobyl

Off topic Yeah Right, but I finally found some Szechuan fucking peppercorns. I went to several different hippy markets that had shit I’ve never heard of, but not my pepper. Finally, at the last place, some damned dirty hippy overheard my request to the shockingly cute stock clerk and told me I can find some at the World Market store. I never go there because Amazon, but dammit if they didn’t have the shit. You weren’t kidding, that stuff smells amazing, even though I had to get cock-blocked by a 70 year old ersatz flower child in order to find any.
I’m glad that hippy lady didn’t see my leather belt, because I almost certainly would have ended up with a face full of the red paint that she no doubt keeps in her hemp-canvas handbag.
Fuck retail man, I ordered a small grinder from you-know-where. Thanks for the tip!

laserguru

Glad you like it. It hasn’t completely replaced black pepper but it’s in the regular rotation. Amazing on grilled meats.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

So…you’re just gonna keep drinking on the plane right?

Spur

Doink!

ballsofsteelandfury

I do miss Sábado Gigante:

Spur

Cinco was the most bangin

ballsofsteelandfury

Uno had the best booty, but yeah Cinco was gorgeous.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Stop showing Kliff on my TV. He’s so goddamn handsome it makes me feel weird and Lady Spur is not around to distract these thoughts.

Horatio Cornblower

Hey who else is hammered!?

Spur

I’m just getting started. i had to work this morning and do laundry. My day is all out of whack.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not quite yet but my wife suggested cocktails so it’s a distinct possibility.

laserguru

not quite yet but I have all of the necessary tools to get there.

Spur

TOUCHDOWN RED RAIDERS!

herodotus450

That vaunted Tech Defense strikes again!

herodotus450

It’s not fair that other teams have to tackle Jake Browning, since his motion is random and unpredictable.

Doktor Zymm

They just need to find a young Einsteinian type player to figure him out

Doktor Zymm

Lemongrass smells super nice.

JustStopDude

VaTech is going to be curb stomped.

I don’t know what it is about VaTECH, but they are like ND, UT, USC, etc….that get ranked so incredibly high every year only to just get lawn darted. Now I can understand USC (had a shitload of National Championships) and Texas/ND because of all the money in the TV markets…but fucking Blacksburg is a shithole and the Hokies do fuck all year in and year out.

2000 was the last time I remember them being good…sure they go to bowl games more often than not, but so does 87% of college football teams…

Doktor Zymm

They have a really good vet school, though I don’t see how that would be even a little bit relevant

herodotus450

Probably because their vet students had a lot of practice, in the Vick years.

JustStopDude

Funny Blacksburg fact….they didn’t put a high school in the town until the 1950’s.

Seriously, the locals may as well not exist to the school and the students. And for a school that big, there is almost nothing to do there…hence why 100k show up to get drunk in parking lots during football season.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You’re not wrong.
It was not an accident I eliminated VT from my list very early on. And this was 25 yrs ago….can you imagine how bad it was then?

Doktor Zymm

Were the parking lots still gravel back then?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dok, I don’t even remember hon. I’m old. I had a list of about a half dozen schools which had Doctoral programs for Vet Med. I visited them all….

Cornell, UGA, Auburn, VA/MD regional (blacksburg), UPenn (was already familiar with NCSU due to family/legacy/alum type thing).

Even as an idiot youngster, I realized Blacksburg was not the place for me. Eventually it came down to Athens and Raleigh. Ended up choosing Raleigh due to family link, etc.

I haven’t been to Blacksburg proper for a decade or so, but it hadn’t changed much. But I do still occasionally wonder how different things would have gone in life if I’d chosen Athens.

Meh.

LemonJello

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LemonJello

Imaginary Internet Friends! I bid you a good evening.

Alas, there will be no drinking for Ser LemonJello tonight as I have to retrieve TangerineJello from her first homecoming dance ere the clock strike midnight.

I am watching DABO DABO DABO v KnobGobblers.

How the fuck we doin?

theeWeeBabySeamus

D’awwwwwwww. That great.

Get hammered once you get her home tho.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Also, do your best not to murder her little testosterone laden rapey date.

LemonJello

No date this year, she’s going with some other girls as a group.

I tend to tell prospective dates, for both OrangeJello and TangerineJello “I have a shotgun and a shovel. I know how to use both.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

A man after my own heart.
You are awesome.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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laserguru

One of my memorable dad moments was having to drive eldest right to her high school so she could get the bus to march in the Rose Parade.

At 3 AM. On New Year’s eve/ day!

I got shit hammered as soon as I got home.

She was the first entrant in the parade and walked right in front of the camera!

JustStopDude

That Baltimore-Pittsburgh game has all the makings of being utterly craptastic of epic proportions…

litre_cola

Can they even get that much grit in the stadium?

LemonJello

Oh, you said grit. I read that as shit and figured it’d be overflowing before kick off.

litre_cola

Probably my accent.

herodotus450

Lsu strug-a-ling with a team so bad they doubled up and used their school name as their mascot name.

Doktor Zymm

Hah, I like that the Yahoo app updated the game times to local time. Can’t wait for Tuesday morning football!

ballsofsteelandfury

What time is the Eagles game? I wonder how WhyEaglesWhy keeps up with his team in Australia…

litre_cola

Early morning.

Doktor Zymm

Monday 0405. Probably similarly to how you follow AFL

ballsofsteelandfury

AFL is surprisingly easy to follow on the west coast. I imagine it must be very difficult on the East Coast. When I was in Europe, the games were perfectly spaced between morning and afternoon.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes. East coast is not ideal. Matches I’ve watches live throughout are rare.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

In Singapore the Sunday night game started at 8:30 a.m.

Brick Meathook

It always confuses me how it can be tomorrow in Asia. If you go west, from Eastern time (3:00PM) to Pacific time (12 Noon) to Hawaiian time (9:00AM) it keeps getting earlier and earlier. If you keep going to Asia it logically should be yesterday. I am high.

Doktor Zymm

The beauty of the international date line

theeWeeBabySeamus

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ballsofsteelandfury

Fuck off, Superman!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– Jerry Richardson, upon seeing Cam Newton kneel during the anthem.

Brick Meathook

I thought that was a myth.

Doktor Zymm

Nah, if you look out the window at the right point in the flight you can see it! Thousands and thousands of dates…

ballsofsteelandfury

ending up in no action. The International Blue Ball Line, if you will.

Doktor Zymm

Earth is the blue planet. No wonder aliens shun us, we live on a giant, frustrated testicle, drifting through space

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s not a myth! One time I went on a date with a girl from Switzerland.

Spur

Night games in Lubbock are the best.

Spur

Yeah, a morning Cowboys game.

ballsofsteelandfury

They’re rare, aren’t they?