Your “Get over here-this is MANDATORY” London-Calling Clash Of The Not-Titans Open Thread

Whelp, it’s really frickin’ early again so we must be back here in The Merry Olde. Today we’ve got two, shall we say, “uneven” teams going at it. After two humbling losses the Saints walked into Carolina and gave the Panthers a 34-13 gut-punch. How did that happen? Also in “what happened?” news, last week the Dolphins took a 20-6 loss to the Jetskis right on the chin. How will this tilt shake out? Damned if I know but we must go…TO THE GAME!

NEW ORLEANS/MIAMI: (9:30 am, even earlier in other spots of the U.S.)

Cutler shat the litter box last week and was then rewarded by being thrown into a small wire and plastic enclosure. He did get to know the team’s luggage during the trip overseas but that can’t be viewed as a positive by him. Plus-NO SMOKES! I can see his tail twitching right now. His counterpart has for the first time in his career gone three straight games without throwing an interception. As always with the Saints these days it’s a matter of how much he can do to compensate for the below-average play of his D. (*snickers*) New Orleans is giving up an average of 311 yards through the air and 438 total per game. So this should be a slam dunk for Miami, right. Not so fast, bumpkin. The Fins secondary is allowing opposing qb’s a mind-blowing 79% completion rate to this point in the season. Wow. Also, Oof! So it would appear that we’ve got a high-scoring affair on our sticky hands. I like scoring!

Gimmee what you got down below. And if you’re lurking, stop by and say hello-you never visit anymore!

 

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blaxabbath

If every veteran were to commit suicide, that might just be the best case scenario. Then I wouldn’t have to listen to fucking chicken hawks drag them in to shield every single racist stance they take.

Unsurprised

That would be great. Throw in the cops and firefighters, too. We can make more firefighters.

blaxabbath

LUTZ!

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Smithchez
Horatio Cornblower

214 yards between both teams. The last time Europe saw stagnant offenses like this was Verdun.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I visited Verdun about 15 years ago, pretty moving experience, especially the ossuary. I remember thinking how humans were too smart to do anything that stupid ever again. Looking around our country today, I realize I was pretty naïve.

ballsofsteelandfury

that’s cute you think one shower will be enough.

blaxabbath

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Sharkbait

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DontHair

Should really just nix the holding penalty altogether or call it when it is absolutely clear there was a hold like when an OT just takes a guy to the ground. Or at least make it a five yard penalty.

blaxabbath

Fox: Pays hundreds of millions of dollars to partner with NFL.
Fox Announcers: We have no idea what is going on or what we are watching? Here’s our rules expert we pay a shitload of money to explain.
Expert: Fucking got me.

Dick E. Phuck

Why would the Brits ever watch Euro-football when they have this epic battle taking place in the heart of their greatest city!?

*Also hi everyone

blaxabbath

“Huh huh! Fuck soccer! Needs moar scoring!”

-Americans

Also,

“I’LL NOT SPEND MY HARD-EARNED FOOD STAMPS AT SPONSORS OF NEGROS KNEELING!”

-Those exact same Americans

litre_cola

Did you ever see the Aussie who transcribed a San Fran game? It was awesome.

ballsofsteelandfury

link?

Unsurprised

That was two years ago? Fuck, we’re old.

litre_cola

Yeah, thought it was last year.

ballsofsteelandfury

“And … Tomsula looks like he’s eaten an onion sandwich.”

Priceless

blaxabbath

“Throw yah’ a flag Guvenor?!!”

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ballsofsteelandfury

BLEEERGH went on a European vacation and is getting laid like a motherfucker.

litre_cola

This is the Houston 500 of flags.

blaxabbath

What did I miss with regard to kneeling?

herodotus450

Heather Harmon is still dormant.

Sharkbait

It’s a flagkakke!

ballsofsteelandfury

“It would be nice if we could go two plays without a penalty ”

Awesome

Smithchez

If I were Goodell, and knew there were literally no repercussions for my actions, I would force a team to move to London. Then, as soon as their taxpayer funded stadium is approved, I’d force them to move to Los Angeles. What’s the point of having power like that if you can’t go mad with it?

ballsofsteelandfury

Switch LA and London in your scenario and you have the current situation for the Shitty Clippers.

herodotus450

Move a team to London, then move the league office there. Convert all currency to gold sovereigns. …Owners somehow profit?

blaxabbath

Tuned in to 0-0 approaching the half.

Guess that’s to be expected with these two defensive powers….

litre_cola

More points in Everton Burnley fyi.

litre_cola

I would like to assume that with his clairvoyance last week that Scotchy started the New Orleans Defense, and that Brocky is playing against it.

Smithchez

You know what’s more entertaining than a game between two shitty teams? A scoreless game between two shitty teams.

Sharkbait

I want to see how long the nil nil score lasts

King Hippo

selling NFL to teh Brits

Sharkbait

BLEERGH went on holiday to follow this game apparently.

King Hippo

BLEERGH works in mysterious ways

litre_cola

I think a prostitute just liked my tweet from December about DFO and HRTN. I feel special. Maybe a Nigerian prince next.

herodotus450

Hey there, looking for a good time? Cause you won’t find it in this London game.

litre_cola

I am playing against a very high amount of players in this game. I like this scoreline.

litre_cola

Ajayi got an owie?

Sharkbait

Nil-Nil. Perfect football score.

Unsurprised

Yeah, in Engl— FUCK!

litre_cola

I would like to thank my offspring for waking me for this as I completely forgot.

Unsurprised

Not with that attitude they can’t. That’s why the cattle prod was invented.

Unsurprised

Evergreen quotable

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Sharkbait

No catnip for Cutler after that toss

Smithchez

“And that drive ends…with nothing”

That about sums up the Dolphins.

King Hippo

very Catler/AFC East drive there

DontHair

Odd choice to have Ed Hoculi reffing this game considering guns are banned in England.

herodotus450

Also surprising that he’s not wearing a barrister’s wig

bk109

Can someone check up on King Hippo?
“Posted at 22 mins
GOAL – Everton 0-1 Burnley
Jeff Hendrick”
Has got me concerned for his liver/general well-being?

King Hippo

I was venting on the NSNO forum. SIGH.

Playing Burnley whilst low on confidence is a nasty bit of business.

litre_cola

Seriously Hippo they look like rubbish this year.

King Hippo

We are nearing the point where “look like” can be removed

DontHair

Nice of Gase to run a wildcat play so Captain indifference can get a smoke break

Sharkbait

Stuck at work all day (have I mentioned I hate my job?)

At least I can watch this…game

Smithchez

Top of the mornin’ to you, you fine fancy folks. That’s how they say hello in England, right? Also, HOOTIE!

DontHair

Time to put another spot of tea on the Barbie eh guvnah.

litre_cola

Reporting for duty sir.

DontHair

I want to get into soccer but idk where to start. I’ve watched the World Cup the last two tourneys and loved it but where is a good place to start. Should I watch the USMNT game on Friday for World Cup qualifying or EPL or what)

King Hippo

nah, USMNT will make you hate the sport. Watch two full weekends of EPL and then choose a side. That’s what I did.

bk109

I second that! USMNT will be counter-productive (to say the least), just give the EPL/La Liga/Champions League a try and pick a team.. as long as it’s not Arsenal (aka “always on the edge of the edge of glory”) XD .. You may want to check out a movie or two too – ie “Escape To Victory” (which for some reason is a staple of the X-mas holidays in Ireland) or Mean Machine (The Longest Yard, but for propper footy 😀 )

DontHair

Would it be foolish to watch MLS then?

bk109

Not foolish, it’s just that… for the rest of the football world, the MLS is (how to put it politely) the equivalent of eternal TNF Titans vs Jags games XD

King Hippo

what he said. MLS is NOT professional Lesser Footy ,, smgdh

litre_cola

Seriously Fulham could walk in there and destroy most teams.

Unsurprised

There is an MLS stadium a five minute walk from my apartment that I never go to – not for MLS, NWSL (women’s pro), or USL (JV MLS, basically). Make of that what you will.

litre_cola

Just do not pick our clubs! 1 bonus is that mine isn’t in the Premier League SMGDH

DontHair

??
Any solid German teams to look for as well? Have to keep it real for Mein heritage

King Hippo

RB Leipzig?

Unsurprised

Bayern Munchen

bk109

Since Germany is (basically) Bayern München and a long line of “worthy” adversaries (Ancellotti’s sacking notwithstandin) – Borussia Dortmund!

litre_cola

I enjoy Dormund, their fans are amazing.

Unsurprised

I’m a very casual Real Madrid fan because of circumstance. You could do worse than following La Liga or just follow UEFA Champions League.

King Hippo

Dominic Calvert-Lewin is worth the price of admission for Everton fixtures. Surprisingly open given Burnley as the opposition.

ballsofsteelandfury

All of you east coasters imagine seeing Terry Bradshaw’s face at this time every Sunday and tell me what you’d do.

King Hippo

who needs #Movantic?

Unsurprised

One way or another, a shotgun is involved.

ballsofsteelandfury

I read the above as “Not so fast, blumpkin” and reflected that it actually makes more sense.

King Hippo

Rooney finally got benched today.

King Hippo

left her teeth in?

herodotus450

Billionaires and their butt dentures, amirite

ballsofsteelandfury

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bk109

Good luck with Burnley,mate! I really hope your guys win today (and not because I’ve got some money ridin’ on that :D)

King Hippo

I went with 1-1 (DCL) in Prediction League but am probably just being stubborn (had it last week and lost at the end, thankfully)/

King Hippo

True story! I fell asleep during Wake/FSU yesterday and never fully recovered. Just pissed several times is all. Made it to the 7:30 alarm (Everton, mandatory London duty)

ballsofsteelandfury

I think we all fell asleep during FSU-wake. I took a nice 2 hour nap here on the west coast.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is normally the time I wake up on weekends to take a shit.

– Balls and Catler

herodotus450

(Stumbles into room, shirt on backwards, wrinkled pocket squaer , lampshade still on head)
Sir, reporting for mandatory Shield Defending, ratings boosting duty, sir!
(Pulls out fake glasses with pictures of open eyeballs on them and flask.)
Hehe, suckers.

King Hippo

Fox Sports Go

King Hippo

fookin Canadia

litre_cola

Whoa whoa who

Unsurprised

DOOOOONNNNTTTTT CAAAARRRREEEEE

King Hippo

Catler. live from Heathrow as he darts to the smoking area

King Hippo

Who televises this’un, yahoo again?

bk109

Looks interesting… not as interesting as the Irish coffees I’m treating myself to while mrs. bk109 and the kiddos are outta the house 😀 (Not sure if I’m not wasting the 12yo Tullamore on these coffees,though)

bk109

At least until 6PM, so like 5 hours (wifey drew the short straw to take ’em to a birthday party MWAHAHAHAHA)

bk109

That’s the plan,lol For optimal fun, I’m watching the game on the BBC muted(I know you lot won’t believe me, but the guys usually commenting are worse than Phil Goddamn Simms!), so I can squeeze in some quality Led Zep and Gary Moore ’round the “coffees” too 😀

bk109

Googling “Clipboard Jesus”, which in turn uncovered KSK(*sniff* why didn’t I know about that site when it was alive?!), which led to this site…. so, just like everyone else, I guess? 😀
Edit: Actually, it may have been “Marmalard”,not Clipboard Jesus…

ballsofsteelandfury

Welcome!

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