Your “We Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Games” NFL Football Open Thread

Hopefully that Londonderry game was entertaining. There be eight features on tap now and more than a couple seem to have some potential. Let’s have a look. TO THE GAMES!

Cin/Cle: Two O-and-3’s have at it. All the Bengals need to do to put this one away is to get inside the red zone. The Browns D gives up TD’s at an 80% rate when their opponent wanders inside the twenty.

Buf/Atl: The Bills D has acquitted themselves quite well so far this year but the Falcons are something else entirely. Plus they’re at home. Tyrod and the passing game aren’t doing themselves any favours either.

Jax/NYJ: The Jetskis had no trouble last week and now face a young Jags team that is hoping to build on their blowout affair last week. Rb Fournette is running at a mere 3.5 ypc clip after three games but you’d think that by the end of the year he’ll have added at least another three feet to that stat.

Det/Min: The Lions are in possession of an injured list fourteen players long, including de Ansah and lb Davis. Look for Minny to do what they did last week-get rook rb Cook going early so that qb Keenum can work his magic with the likes of Diggs and Thielen.

Car/NE: Cam needs a shoulder to lean/throw on. Did I go against my better judgement and leave Pats wr Hogan and his 2 TD’s on the bench last week? As a matter of fact, I did. So here I go chasing last week’s points…

LAR/Dal: Despite one of the squads hailing from Dallas, I like the look of this game. Both teams are sitting pretty division-wise and this should be a solid test for the young Goffster who has started to justify his draft position.

Pit/Bal: An under-performing and talented O (Steelers) meets up with a (perhaps) over-performing D. Winner gets first place.

Ten/Hou: With so many other interesting tilts being played, why would you bother?

Get going, big fellas.

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Smithchez

FUCKING JETS CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT. EVER. FUCK. FUCK!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Senor Weaselo

Wait, flag on the potential FG!

...

Jets… win… ?

King Hippo

Canyanero TIME!!!

Redshirt

Everyone pray to SHAN’KLOR!

Redshirt

Its Unsportsmanlike to be blindside hit?!

Smithchez

Of COURSE the Jets are gonna fucking tie. To lose would be what they should do to gain desperately needed draft position. To win would instill hope in the fanbase that they can surprise people this year. So of fucking course they’ll tie.

King Hippo

Does make “draft position tiebreak scenarios” less maddening

Senor Weaselo

Wait, Posluszny got flagged for 15. They might win this instead.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

The Safety Gods demand a sacrifice!

...

I mostly missed the early games so I need to know how the fuck did the Texas score 57 points?

King Hippo

HIPPO BENCHED HIM (Watson) that’s how.

/Goff still did really well

Smithchez

I’m so fucking angry right now it defies description. HEY, MARQUISE LEE CAN’T EVEN CATCH A CLEAN PASS! WHY NOT LET HIM RETURN KICKS?!!?! Fuck you, you fucking baguars.

Senor Weaselo

Marquise Lee derp, we have hope!

Redshirt

All our hope for a tie is on a Punter.

Redshirt

Don’t go to OAK-DEN. I’m in Cincy. I don’t give a shit about OAK-DEN. Stay here for the OT tie game!

King Hippo

the ENTIRE COUNTRY get the Donks game, it does NOT need RZ coverage right now

Senor Weaselo

Did they just say Jevon Kearse is a physical receiver?

Smithchez

I mean, he impacts the physical world around him so……technically….?

Redshirt

The Jets just snatched defeat from the jaws of tie.

Smithchez

A 4th down checkdown, Dak? That’s Schottenheimer-esque.

King Hippo

not until Jets/Jags finish smh

Spur

Cowboys Special Teams fucked up this game.

...

Rams… good?

King Hippo

I been tryin’ to say. Ppl just don’t take me serious because I’m wrong a lot and high all the time.

Romonobyl

Kneel-down fumble?

King Hippo

#TubbyWadeVengeance

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

That shouldn’t be close.

King Hippo

5th and short DED

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!

Romonobyl

And…scene.

Brick Meathook

Touchdown Eagles! AND THE CROWD GOES WILD

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Being the QB for the Dallas Cowboys makes you good.

Romonobyl

Here’s the game…

King Hippo

Some folks want a draw in Joisey

Smithchez

THEY PUNTED?! Marrone you fucking pussy

Romonobyl

Um…Dallas does know what hurry up means, right?

Smithchez

Of fucking course, Jaguars. the only thing the Jets can do is defend an interior run. So why WOULDN’T your first play be a basic run up the middle?

Romonobyl

Oh yeah, Witten plays for the Cowboys!

Spur

Let’s Go Prevent Defense!

King Hippo

Tubby Wade won’t go THAT soft

King Hippo

good old, 7-FG, 2-TD path to 35

Redshirt

Walk off safety?

Smithchez

Please god

King Hippo

Because of the 2:00 proximity, Rams can throw here

Spur

which they dont

King Hippo

yeah, that was their first real cock-up today

Viva La Tabula Raza

And kick the FG, and Dallas drives down the field to win with a TD as time expires. I’ve been watching the fucking Cowboys do this shit since fucking Staubach was QB. God I hate the fucking Cowboys.

...

So I just checked the Pats schedules and they have five of their six divisional games in the last six weeks of the season, so this means they’ll find some way to stumble into first again.

Dick E. Phuck

Leave it to the Giants O-line to make the Bucs look like the Monte Kiffin era Tampa 2 Bucs.

Redshirt

Prediction:

Jets lead a 10 minute drive where they run out of time before they can kick a game winning FG.

Tie Game.

Senor Weaselo

Jags get the ball first, so I’m gonna say 3 and out, and then everything you say.

LemonJello

Alternate ending: Jest mishandle the snap on the FG attempt, time expires. Fin.

Dick E. Phuck

If the Browns score a touchdown in garbage time, does it even register?

King Hippo

for those who had Duke Johnson in DFO ball, yeah!

Smithchez

THAT?! That’s the fumble the Jets manage to luckily recover? Are you fucking kidding me?!

...

So if the Pats are actually not good, that means the entire division is basically a black hole that has to put a team in the playoffs.

Redshirt

Correct. They’ve become the AFC North.

King Hippo

Jets could be tied for 1st

King Hippo

actually no, BUF is 3-1

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Anyone do a wellness check on Drew Magary?

Dick E. Phuck

Pats clearly skipped their weekly ritual sacrifice to Baal.

Romonobyl

That RAAAAMMMIT O-line is no bullshit.

Smithchez

Oh thank god. There’s still a chance for the Jets to Jets. I knew them being mediocre enough to fuck themselves for next year’s draft was always a possibility, but HOW IS THIS STILL SO STRESSFUL!?!?! IT’S FUCKING JOSH MCCOWN!!!

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