Monday Night Feast! Colts @ Titans Open Thread

Both teams are 2-3, and fill the bottom half of the lowest wattage division in the NFL. Luck is out. Mariota (hamstring – questionable) says he’ll go–i.e., Cassel is definitely in the mix. But enough table-setting. This is my  position on “Pfft, baseball’s on” taeks:

Artist’s lesss handome conception

via lolafilms.com

IND-TEN is a rivalry. To be precise, “rivalry” in the Steelers-Browns or thirst-judgment sense: the Clots own the Titans. The streak stands at 11-0, and was started by CURTIS PAINTER. Indy has won in every way: blowout; Titans derp it at the end; clutch play by top QB on a bad day… Plus a handful of the worst kind of loss: the Moral Victory, when Result pinches Effort’s cheek and says “Nothing personal, kid”. To paraphrase Sigmund Freud: it’s been Suck City.

Matching wits on the field are Mike Mularkey and Chuck Pagano. Pagano, well… The turd-in-punchbowl blunders are known–but going 2-3 with Jacoby Brissett and that roster is respectable. Hell, I even like Chuck. Pagano strikes me as humble, but so sure of himself that he DGAF about what anyone thinks–except, maybe, his players. As far as I know, he was loved in Baltimore. Colt players stumped for him and Chuck P kept the job; the GM got fired. But before all that, at the height of hot-seat skullduggery in 2015, Pagano calmly stated, at a press conference, “They can’t eat you“. Best. Perspective Non-Sequitur. Ever.

Mularkey… Barf. After pasting JAX, the Titans beat the Seawhawks on Week 3. But this wave of met expectations crashed immediately with the Texans drubbing (56!). Then, Mularkey became a vocal ANTHM RSPKTRRR, and punted awfully on The Kaep Situation in the runup to Week 5. Granted, coaches don’t sign players–but having Matt Freakin’ Cassel pass 32 times, in last week’s low-scorer in Miami, is damn pigheaded. And hey! Did Derrick Henry accidentally sneeze on coach’s soup? Four rushes at MIA? The hell’s wrong with you! Dude’s young and hungry. FEED HIM!!11!!

I did find something palatable. Coupla days ago, during the Chuck Pagano press telephone conference, Mularkey walked in and asked what were the Colts’ top 15 offensive plays:

If Mariota would play, was Chuck’s riposte. (If you think I mangled a juicy reveal, go gorge on the buildup at  titansonline.com. I dare ya.)

Whatever. To me, it’s refreshing to see coaches shoot the collegial shit (however lamely), and eschew the  hypercompetitive, regimented stuff, as well as the “being focused” stiffness and the commitment to canned bullshit–all of which has been thick even back when Rex Ryan was putting on wigs. It’s ridiculous. The stakes are GAMES. Of a risky and fantastic sport, of course. With fascinating strategy. Goes without saying. And the speedy and huge mofos going at each other and the physical play and–oh…

/ fans self with Hello Kitty bookmark

Sorry. It’s been a while. But the fasting ends TONIGHT.

[martial drums playing]

I will watch this game. The Titans haven’t been on MNF since… LenWhale? That’s what my gut says–don’t @ at me!

Heaven and earth, I am prepared to move. (Family too.) Pangs of guilt, for seeking diversion in these somber times, will not deter me.

If a place with electricity has baseball on, surely one TV could be accommodated for The Game. I will not vacillate. Solidarity has been strong here in PR, and emboldens me to face even the spectre of utter hopelessness:

[drumming stops]

Brandon Weeden with a helmet.

In short, hunger makes the feast, not the eats. Sorry, but I can’t help being kinda pumped for this one. Besides, you twisted fuckos [hat tip] are better suited to skewer the massive blech we’re about to see. And as much as I want TEN to win, for fantasy purposes, I’d take an Astros rainout and 0-11-1.

The food on the banner was delivered to my home in Aibonito (plus 24 water bottles) last Thursday. (The “MEAL” packets are vegetable lasagnas.) We’ll honor this generosity by passing everything to needier compatriotas. [Update: Maybe not the mayo packet.  I’M NOT MADE OF STONE!]

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Don T
Poor choices, mixed results. ¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre! Titans4Eva
Subscribe
Notify of
419 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Brick Meathook

comment image

Brick Meathook

My earliest concrete memory is when I had maybe just turned three years old and I saw this show on a TV and I was afraid to go near the TV set. I remember it perfectly clear. Even now, I stand by that decision. That’s some spooky shit in the uncanny valley.

comment image

Brick Meathook

The dog is more believable. Where the hell is that lady looking?
comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I look to my German Shepard for advice and I have killed anybody.

Completely intentionally.

Brick Meathook

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Flipping through the comments I was forced to say this: “How do we know Anne Frank wasn’t a squirter; maybe that’s why she got caught.”

Looking back; taken out of context, the comment might be misconstrued.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

My fantasy lead held up, DonT got the win, and I didn’t need to watch more than a few minutes of that shitburger. I’ll take it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I enjoyed what I watched (about a half) ’cause futbaw, but I’m weird like that.

Wakezilla

Finally finished watching The Good Place. I liked the season, even if I called the ending by ep. 4.

Unfortunately, this series only has a 2 season life span, at best.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ha, I caught up on the Good Place instead of watching MNF, too. Twinsies!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This is a real bonding experience.

*Brought to you by Gorilla Glue.

Beerguyrob

Ook|koO

Unsurprised

Have you started on season 2? Parks and Rec got a lot better in season 2 when they ditched the Office-like premise and made some slight changes (and fired the dead wood). I figure the same creator has a plan for this.

Wakezilla

I see Duron Carter has endeared himself to his teammates again

Brick Meathook

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Beerguyrob

OH sure. That’s your answer for everything.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Center-side boob may not cure everything, but it can ease the discomfort while your body heals.

Plus the Egyptian thing.

Brocky

Okay, obviously I’m in the minority here, but objectively speaking, he Should have downed it.

I legitimately think the Colts defenders stoped chasing when it became clear he had the first down.

Not entirely unlike the “let them score” strategy used by Boston college against Miami in the Doug flutie game, also unsuccessfully used by the patriots in super bowl 46 when they let Ahmad Bradshaw fall into The end zone

Or am I taking crazy pills

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Henry had a 4.5 40 in the combine at 247 lbs, he had the angle on that play and no one closse on that side of the field faster. The two guys chasing tried, but there is a point when you are close to the LoS and they make it past the first group a good back is gone.

The downing the ball; that is a legitimate course if it is the play i’m thinking of.

Unsurprised

What the fuck? What’s with this football talk and what did you do with the real Moose?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Looking at his combine numbers (didn’t watch him play in college) dude is an ATHLETE; holy fuck.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nah, I think he earned it; the OL blocked the shit out of it and he turned on the jets.

Sharkbait

Night all.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised

I can hear that line in his voice and it sounds ominous

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, it was a good shoot.

Game Time Decision

just watched those episodes…so funny

LemonJello

Later, Taters!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Sharkbait

Gruden likes smaller, quicker backs?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

At first I read “Gruden likes the smell of quicker backs?”

Which I guess could also be true.

The Maestro

Night, folks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brocky

comment image?w=700

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

GODDAMNIT! I had not seen that; fucking excellent in many ways.

Beerguyrob

Good. Fuck the Irsay family.

Brocky

fuck Indiana in general.

Elected that shit head pence.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I flew into Indy a couple times and drove up to Grissom Air Reserve Base just north of Kokomo. Judging from the billboards I saw on the road, the boot of Jesus rests heavily upon the neck of the population up yonder. So Pence was no surprise to me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There seems to be a bit of anger here……

I guess what I am saying is; agreed.

Brocky

Indiana resident here. You have no fucking idea

Viva La Tabula Raza

Not so much anger as loathing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes, wrong choice of words. I’m with Brocky on the Pence thing so I have a nice hate and loathing mixture, stirred with resentment as a base spice.

Unsurprised

And yet somehow pardonable.

Sharkbait

Well. That’s that.

WCS

comment image

Brocky

Should have downed it.

No one has you in fantasy

The Maestro

Derrick Henry is a fucking beast. God damn, what a run.

WCS

Welp, sort of settles that.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Went from potential nailbiter to fucking joke in a pretty short timespan there.

Brick Meathook

comment image

Brocky

Actually, wonder if it would have worked out Tennessee’s favor if they hadn’t gotten the first there

Brocky

And that I mean, an easy 3rd and one means more downs to run time off

King Hippo

Puerto Rico is avenged!!

Beerguyrob

#DidItThemselves

Beerguyrob

Andy Reid is furiously masturbating to Chuck Pagano’s clock management.

LemonJello

So, he won’t finish before time expires?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well done.

Sharkbait

White out conditions? More like whitewashing conditions in Happy Valley

Senor Weaselo

Well we might’ve seen the last of Dellin Betances this year.

King Hippo

that was NOT worth making me check the score, South Oppressor

Unsurprised

But we still have the ¡SPONCH!, right?

Shogun Marcus

I still has all the dalliances! Foxtrot, tango, pass double!
E smif.

Brocky

Chuck figures since the refs already favoring indy may as well take advantage of it