Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 8, 2017

Welcome to The One Where Everyone Went On Bye.  Except Vikes and #ThePauls, who went to London, with predictable results (Vikes broke away late to win, in a very forgettable contest).

That meant a 7:2 RedZone split, which usually is some bullshit.  But in this Week 8, it meant seeing almost all of the Game of the Season, a wacky shootout between the pissed off 500s/Inmates at the SeaTruthers.  Contrary to all the wisened punditry, this was not a bridge too far for Deshaun Watson, who connected deep with Will Fuller V almost instantly.  Each QB topped the 400 yard mark, with 4 scores.  But he who charmslung last, charmslung best, for a 41-38 Seattle win.  Coach Buttchinski – once again – played it close to the vest and hurr durr gotta trust mah defense in a game he led 38-34, running up the middle on 3rd and 6 with about 1:50 to play.  This didn’t even burn up any clock, since SEA had a time out left.  As such, all it did was mean the SeaTruthers had maybe one less play they could run on the ensuing drive.  That’s all the advantage HOU got in exchange for foregoing a chance to win the game by letting Watson make a play against an 8-man front.  This bullshit cost HOU the New England game, and it burned them again.  Wilson hit 3 medium-deep plays across the middle in quick succession, leaving 21 seconds on the clock to spare.  Great fucking game, though.

Dallas at the Redacteds?  That “featured” contest was a bit of a weather/banged up OL shitshow, with the Cowboys looking more like one expected them to look all season.  They move to 4-3, but will no doubt give back that progress next week.  Court also looms early this week for Zeke, who was magnificent (as expected, prolly the League’s best mudder).

Did I pay a great deal of attention to the early fixtures?  Can’t say that I did.  Highly distracted by my Everton angst.  Christ, that was some next-level shite.

Anyway, Cam sucked again, but it was against the Bucs so who gives a fuck?  17-3 Panthers.

The Raiders traveled East, it was kinda wet and super duper cold.  Predictable results followed.  34-14, Bills.  Don’t sleep on that Buffalo defense, that is one of the quiet, major stories of the first half (or like 46%) of the season.

Patriots/Shitty Clippers was on RedZone a lot, and it was super derpy.  Gostkowski missed twice from like 43.  Brady was off-target (at least in the red zone).  Chris Hogan got ded.  But somehow, Fight FOAR LA was even worse.  One almost felt bad for King Laserface at times.  But not really.  21-13 New England.  That 21 included a safety, which would be fun had the P*ts not done it.

The Fightin’ Tomsulas are back to being a complete tire fire.  33-10 Iggles.  Nifty INT returns happened, I noticed fuckall else.

Our Humps of Humpville went into Cincy and had the Bungles beat, but Jacoby fucked up and threw a DL Picksixerception to lose it, 24-23.  Twas a hell of a play by the defender, but still, dude…

Chi****’s offense continues to be blatantly obscene in the Truth Biscuit era, despite the best efforts of a monster defensive unit, who kept giving them chances (and holding Breesus Christ to 20 in Dome Sweet Dome).  But 12 from your offense won’t cut it against almost anyone.

Oh, Jets.  It’s hard to put it into words, or perhaps I’ve just forgotten.  But oh, Jets.  25-20 ATL, avoiding the AFC East oh-fer.

Sunday Night Footbaw in Detroit, I watched a lot of el beisbol, trying to avoid the certain lame-ass Jerome Bettis jokes (as Al no doubt tried to avoid his constant fear of being mugged).  Matt Prater was kind of awesome, at the apex of his fat kicker prowess.  But Detroit could not make touched downs, nor cover Juju, and both were costly.  Sad Lions are sad.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Wakezilla

Why did they keep score in that Inter squad Ravens game? Baltimore needs a new practice squad because those guys were garbage

montythisseemsstrangetome

And this one – Fox News quotes a former top-ranking Justice Department official named “James Trusty”. YOU CAN’T NOT BELIEVE JAMES TRUSTY.

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2017/10/30/trump-gop-lawmakers-manafort-charges-no-relation-to-campaign-alleged-collusion.html

blaxabbath

Sounds a lot more dependable than Lyin’ Ted.

montythisseemsstrangetome

No. That isn’t really his name. This is a put-on, right?

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/28/us/politics/ty-cobb-trump-lawyer-new-washington.html

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Trump’s lawyer, this morning [artist’s conception]:

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Unsurprised

His lawyer is even more cartoonishly stupid than this.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You speak truth:

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montythisseemsstrangetome

Did Bill Murray and Wilford Brimley have a child?

LemonJello

I don’t like it, not one bit.
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Unsurprised

I was specifically referring to him and another lawyer having a loud conversation on a restaurant patio down the street by the Post and NY Times Washington offices that was reported on because these idiots were sitting right next to a Times reporter when this happened.

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/09/trumps-turbulent-lawyers/540186/

I swear to God, if I did that I would have already been disbarred – rightfully.

blaxabbath

This Mueller thing might be COSTLY but, really, about 7 months to get Trump in ‘Check’ is Pretty efficient.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, it’s actually quite amazing.

blaxabbath

I can’t get enough of it. Everyone thought today would be Mueller dipping his toe in action. Instead, I feel like I’m watching the conclusion of Ocean’s 11 (Ben Carson is the black guy Clooney recruits).

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Papadopoulos plea deal must have many people in D.C. shitting their pants this morning.

blaxabbath

I feel like it’s inevitable that The Mooch gets tied up in this. He just had to be.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I just took a peek over at The_Donald. The level of delusion there is amazing. It’s like if I were to insist that, despite the score, the outcome of yesterday’s game was a HUGE WIN for the Raiders.

blaxabbath

What is The_Donald?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The reddit cesspool where his supporters congregate.

blaxabbath

Maybe they’ll like your Jaguars posts?

LemonJello

Herr Charlemango’s pet name for his man-parts?

Wakezilla

/Ron Howard voice over: “It wasn’t “

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If you saw two guys named Papadapoulos and Flippy, which one would you think was most likely to cooperate with federal prosecutors? I’d say Flippy, wouldn’t you? You’d be wrong though. It’s Papadapoulos.

blaxabbath

How One Millenial Ruined Taking America Back From Black People

Unsurprised

I love how stupid Twitter users are that people are attacking a guy with the same name whose handle is @feeonlyplanner as if that isn’t a clear sign (beyond the pic, bio, reality) that it isn’t the Trump guy.

Oh well. It’s free publicity and it forced Twitter to make him Verified, so I guess it works out for him to just sit this one out – especially since he’s vacationing in Greece.

laserguru

I tried to warn everyone about the aesthetics of the Vikings style of play. It’s not for everyone but goddamn does 6-2 feel good.

Anthony In TX

Winnin’ ugly is still winnin’.

laserguru

Damn right. The defense is very fucking beautiful though.

montythisseemsstrangetome

prolly the League’s best mudder

I read that as the league’s best *murderer*, which, you know, Zeke’s not quite to that level yet.

ballsofsteelandfury

Top 5:
Orenthal James Simpson
Rae Caruth
Aaron Hernandez
Lawrence Phillips
Eric Naposki

Yes, there are 2 Patriots in that list…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hey!”

– Jovan Belcher

nomonkeyfun

“I didn’t even get arrested. Yes, I know they aren’t technically people, but…”

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Astros outscored the Bears and the earth keeps spinning

litre_cola

I dont know how to feel about the Iggles being good.

ballsofsteelandfury

Juju has been a revelation. As for the rest of Sunday, the most exciting thing to happen was the end of the Martinsville NASCAR race.