Your “In No Way Was This Prepped Before The Weekend” Christmas Day Open Thread

Any errors in coverage are simply a result of Roger Goodell seeking to ruin my preparation in favour of the Patriots.

Game Previews:

Pittsburgh at Houston – 4:30PM | NBC / NFLN / TSN

The Steelers will have spent the weekend hoping the Bills can pull off some kind of miracle and beat the Patriots in Foxboro, because they know the Jags will likely wreck the 49ers. Pittsburgh really needs this to avoid having to play on Wild Card Weekend, so they will have an air of desperation about them when they take the field. Luckily, THE BEN still has Le’Veon Bell, Martavis Bryant and JuJu Smith-Schuster.

The Texans are playing for pride. I have no idea who their starting quarterback will be, and who he has to throw to. All I know is that Jadeveon Clowney is still really good, and he’ll be looking to pound #7 into the ground, in the vainglorious belief the Texans might rebuild around him and not the oft-broken JJ Watt.

Still, having to road trip to Houston at Christmas?

Oakland at Philadelphia – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN

As with the Steelers, so too with the Raiders.

I covered all of this last week, so no point rehashing the obvious. The Raiders season is over. Sure, there’s an outside chance of them making the playoffs, but I have a better chance of a threeway with Scarlett Johansson & Jennifer Lawrence.

  

I would disappoint them in ways they never imagined.

I don’t think Jack Del Rio is at risk of losing his job, but some of the Raiders starters are playing for theirs. So expect them to take plenty of chances early, and if the game gets out of hand expect to see all the backups.

For the Eagles, the job is quite simple: PROTECT NICK FOLES! It sounds strange to be concerned about him this late into 2017, but it’s been a strange season, so here we are. Their backup, unless they sign someone over the weekend, is a kid named Nick Sudfeld, who played four years at Indiana & was drafted by the [Redacteds] in 2016; the Eagles got him on waivers in September 2017.

The Eagles also need this game to maintain distance and, if the weekend fell the right way, clinch the #1 seed in the NFC. Expect them to come out strong, and their plan is to beat the Raiders into submission by halftime so they can rest some starters in the second half. Now I wish they still had Mark Sanchez.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Steelers at Texans – 4:20PM | NBC / NFLN / TSN
    • Raiders at Eagles – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
  • NBA:
    • Cavs at Warriors – 3:00PM | ABC / Sportsnet
    • Wizards at Celtics – 5:30PM | ABC / TSN2
    • Rockets at Thunder – 8:00PM | ABC / Sportsnet
    • Timberwolves at Lakers – 10:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet
  • Beisbol:
    • Springfield of Dreams: The Legend of Homer Simpson – 10:00PM | FS1
  • Lucha:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

Enjoy your day, and remember – Tryptophan is your friend. TURKEY NAPS MEAN NO HUMAN INTERACTION!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Brick Meathook

HEY LOOK YOU CAN TOTALLY SEE THAT CHICK’S ASS
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, my amigo and his GF showed, brought us a large bottle of some really good cab (Crooked Mayor from Napa, 16 barrel run) that we killed while keeping an eye on the closer-than-expected NFL game. He gifted me a bottle of pretty good tequila as well, and one of those tall glass votive candles with St. Tom Petty pictured on it. These are the only gifts I received this year, but still more than I expected. The Tom Petty candle is really cool.comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

I love Tom Petty.
I would not want to receive this candle.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

That candle won’t back down

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

I’m not gonna get killed by Brocky now?

It’s a Moosemas Miracle!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

What’s on tap tomorrow morning? EPL? Please?! I’m at the in-laws.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

PCP?

Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Story of my life.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuck yo Raiders

ballsofsteelandfury

Ha ha ha! That Philly DEF TD just got me 3rd place in the DFO league.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It kept me in fifth.
Just like it never happened.

ballsofsteelandfury

It also swung the championship game in my big money league. I can hear the screams from here.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Gratliff

Lol. This fucking team might be a 14-2 club by Sunday

litre_cola

And the cover.

Petronel

WELP

Gratliff

Fuck your gambling!

theeWeeBabySeamus

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litre_cola

So Wentz can play next week right?

King Hippo

just get the ball to Cordarelle Patterson

King Hippo

what the fuck was that motherfucker doing?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yay foar timeout and one more Alexa.
Woooo!!!!!
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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Fronkenshteen

I wonder what she looks like.

Gratliff

Motherfucking Ricky Manning Jr game. /spit

litre_cola

That whole montage made me very angry

King Hippo

they should have just run a draw play

Gratliff

Did that motherfucker just miss the practice net?

King Hippo

based on his last attempt…

King Hippo

USE THE CENTER OF THE GODDAMNED FIELD

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Get in Hail Mary range, dildo

litre_cola

Now Hippo, the cards foretold the Foles.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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litre_cola

The DFO prophecy lives on.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Let’s kick and get this shit overwith…
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

This is all working out fine.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Xanax is a hell of a drug.

Gratliff

I’ve seen that exact catch get overturned a hundred times. This is fucking stupid.

theeWeeBabySeamus

But no P*ts this time on either side so who cares?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oakland (artist’s conception)

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I am in full agreement.

Gratliff

Nawt a catch fucking fuck

Gratliff

Didn’t blow the whistle. How is every part of this game bad?

King Hippo

Carr is such a fucking dildo.

Gratliff

Huzzah

Gratliff

Remember when Wentz was falling sideways while wrapped up and he sidearmed a ball 60 yards? Man.

King Hippo

25 yards, and the Raiders can miss another FG!

Wakezilla

These sloppy ball handling skills are giving me flashbacks to the 13 year old girls I used to date in grade 8

theeWeeBabySeamus

Jeebus. If this goes to overtime it’s really gonna cut into my wanking time.

litre_cola

Busy day tomorrow?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Once you get the motor started, it’s best to get where you’re going ASAP.
You should know this, Canadia.

Gratliff

I love that Lynch was fucking shocked Carr would throw it to him instead of away

King Hippo

Should PHI play for the draw? That wraps up the bye, right?

litre_cola

Axe Donovan

King Hippo

perhaps OAK can get a safety?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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ballsofsteelandfury

Philly needs to win this so Oakland will have a nice record.