NFL News:
- Todd Haley – GONE!
- Speculation is he’ll be replaced by Mike Munchak, who declined a second interview with the Cardinals once this news came down.
- How unpleasant is the Cardinals head job when guys are choosing to decline in order to stay as a coordinator?
- If you want to see how outrage turns to catharsis, check out #FireHaley on Twitter, something I didn’t feel like including in an already lengthy “Hope Clicks” for tomorrow.
- Speculation is he’ll be replaced by Mike Munchak, who declined a second interview with the Cardinals once this news came down.
- To answer the question about Jeremy Lane’s DUI arrest despite registering a 0.039 on the breathalyzer: his lady friend, Mary Jane.
- Lane admitted to hitting the pipe before getting in the car.
- Also, the cop observed:
- weaving & unsignalled lane changes
- driving with the hazards on
- slurred speech & bloodshot eyes
- “a strong odor of burnt marijuana inside the vehicle”
- Fuck – Thursday Night Football is here to stay.
- Network bids for broadcast rights were submitted this week, and a deadline for award is due before the Super Bowl.
- To lure fans back, the Jets have lowered ticket prices by an average of 11%.
- Also, they’ve eliminated the PSL for all tickets on the mezzanine level, a savings of $2-4000.
- They allegedly had the third-highest volume of ticket sales this year, but this Bills-Jets game indicates otherwise.
- The Bengals are paying it forward.
- As Bills fans donated to Andy Dalton’s charity, Bengals fans have been encouraged by local sports radio to donate to Blake Bortles’ charity as thanks for the Jags beating the Steelers.
- Also getting pwned is Ben Roethlisberger, who this week received a gift of seven turnovers from a Jacksonville bakery.
- Seven turnovers for the seven turnovers he committed in the two losses to the Jags this year.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Canadiens at Bruins – 7:30PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
- Penguins at Ducks – 10:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Pistons at Raptors – 7:30PM | Sportsnet1
- Lakers at Thunder – 8:00PM | ESPN
- Nuggets at Clippers – 10:30PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
- NCAA:
- Villanova at Georgetown – 6:30PM | FS1
- Arkansas at Florida – 7:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN2
- Seton Hall at Creighton – 8:30PM | FS1
- Iowa State at TCU – 9:00PM | ESPNU
Tomorrow, the hype begins for the Championship games. Mr Scott?
Holy fuck. I didn’t mean to stay up this late for nothing. Well, good morning east coasters.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqhRK_g7WJc
HIYOOOOOOOOOOO !
Well, well, well…another west coaster who’s dry and warm.
Yes, I’m just jealous.
NO YOU SHUT UP!!!!!!
Shit, I really am going back outside I guess. Beats doing it in the morning.
And this way, I earn the right to get really drunk upon coming back inside tonight I guess.
/thinks warm thoughts
Night boyz.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtxKFpJ39HM
Time to go shovel the walk.
Later Taters.
I’m Okay!!!!!!!
-Blair Walsh
Meanwhile Dave dreams happily of doing this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_qMikzSxE0
I think he’s happy being safe, dry and relatively warm in the garage.
he’ll get his shot in the morning tho.
You’re mounting a flamethrower? Badass!
Keep Portland stupid.
Wait, I mean weird.
You were right the first time.
A photo I took at dusk this evening. I like it, though it hasn’t proven to be as popular on dA as I thought it would. Meh, fuck those assholes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-T3pn5shcg
That’s awesome!
You’re just saying that to get into my pants, aren’t you?
Don’t answer that.
😛
In all seriousness….Thank you, sincerely. It’s the first photo I’ve captured in a while I’ve truly been proud of.
How many likes on Instagram and Facebook?
I don’t do Instagram.
I post some to Facebook to friends, but not much lately and not this one yet.
RE: Unsurprised’s BAC situation
For the record, I’m reaching to into the “Old/Odd Memories bag” twice tonight. In 2011, wifey and I were living in Charlottesville, VA, when we were working for UVa. I had a Friday night off, and decided to clean and get wasted, since she worked an overnight shift at the hospital. Around 01:00, after I’ve been drunk for a while, wifey calls me, and says she’s volunteered me to give one of coworkers a ride. I know this is a shitty idea, but, apparently, there are favors owed.
I’m not pleased about the developments, but, do it, anyway. UVa’s hospital was only two miles from our house, so I figured, okay, no big deal. There and back, easy.
WRONG
Co-worker lived ten miles in the opposite direction. I get this person home without a problem, thank God. HOWEVAH, on the return drive home, there is now a DUI checkpoint. Of course there is. Knowing I’m boned, and with no other option, I get in line. When it’s my turn, I blow a .07. The officer looks at me, and says, “Son, you’re luckier than you know. Go home, right fucking now.”
“Sir, that’s exactly where I’m going.”
Got home without incident. NEVER DO THIS.
I hate those checkpoints even sober. I hit one many many years ago when almost home while driving from PA to NC. Hadn’t had a drop to drink, but also hadn’t slept in a while. Cop gave me a hard time about it.
WOULD YOU RATHER I WAS WELL RESTED AND DRUNK????
He actually said yes.
I know people who died because they fell asleep while driving. You really shouldn’t drive while tired. I’ve done it. It was stupid. Anyway, don’t do that.
Final Measurement: Slightly more than 12 inches.
(also, we got a lot of snow)
Only if you begin measuring at the anus.
Also, the BAC limit simply creates a legal presumption of intoxication. There are people who’ve blown 0.00 and still been arrested for DWI/DUI.
Agreed. His contention the other night was, “How I get a DUI blowing 0.03?” You’ve just explained how.
Oh, gee. I wonder what else gave the police reasonable suspicion to pull him over.
Lady BFC and I have been slowly working on a 1000 piece puzzle.
Do not recommend.
Back in 1994 or so, my family was visiting our mom’s cousins in Detroit. The four of them (my mom, dad, mom’s cousin, and her husband) decided to do a 5000 piece puzzle. They got it together in about three or four days. Once they were victorious, my old man shouted out, “Let’s throw Nicky* in the fire!” This idea wasn’t immediately shot down.
*Nicky was my mom’s cousin’s incredibly awful toy poodle that nobody liked, who had a wonderful habit of running through the house, diarrhea running out of ass; that dog was horrible
Hide 3 pieces and tell her it’s her fault.
Is that a euphemism for a Sting sex trick?
Our pieces don’t last that long
I think I might be getting cabin fever.
I should probably drink more.
Solid plan.
Goddammit. Niece wants to go back outside. I was finally warm. Meh, fuck it.
?itemid=4821951
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9ZO2-zozg4&ab_channel=Grimlock316
Dammit Brothers Chaps, I will know your obscure as fuck Homestar Halloween costume references!
/Homestar was Dale Murphy this year, I shit you not.
tWBS tries skiing.
‘Tis true, I’ve never been good at skiing. Snowboarding I got. But skiing? Nope. That’s a good way to break your pelvis in half.
The problem is you pizza’d when you were supposed to french fry.
Dunno why, but anything where the feet/legs are separate I just never could master. Same with water skiing. One slalom ski with both feet, fine. But pairs? Nope
Used to skateboard like a fiend as a kid. But roller blades can also suck my nuts.
And somehow you’re a double fisting pro? Weirdsville!
I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE!!!!!!!!
Ok, that’s just impressive.
But does your new suit make you feel like you’re wearing nothing at all?
/Stupid sexy Seamus…
I’d like to think the cameraman saw this coming and just thought…meh, fuck this dick.
On one hand, this would be funnier. On the other, having seen that video of the anchorman shooting his former coworkers, they were so consumed by the task of being on camera that they did not even see him pointing a gun at them until they were shot.
I have to believe that the only reason they have people do remotes during heavy weather specifically hoping for footage like this or getting swept away by wind or getting shot in the face by a disgruntled ex-repor— Oh, scratch that last one.
Not the type of plowing I’m used to seeing around here. But still quite good.
Honey, the good news is I got the snow off the roof.
Well, most of it. Also…
Also, that damn tree is finally down!
Time to call …
Too cold, baby
BeeGuyRob is giving his pups skating lessons I see.
Nixon as Rogue One Darth Vader is pretty fucking funny.
I know you’re a fellow Gray Wolf, but goddamn, that line was good.
Grey, Gülen scum!
But, no, really. I thought that was good and hilarious. Another one being,
So last night I went to a community meeting involving the long delayed second phase of a train station reconstruction project that I care about because I use the station, Let me tell you, these meetings bring out some interesting folks.
First comment complains about how the completed part of the station is a haven for “thugs” who do horrible things like smoke pot in the waiting area.
Second comment is from a dude who has to escort women off the platform since, you know, those “thugs” are so threatening. Then I get a question about making it so the entire platform is visible from street level because a woman heard someone getting the shit kicked out of them on the platform because I guess seeing someone from 100 feet away is the key to ensure we bring them to justice.
And then there was the guy complaining about the ADA-compliant ramps being too steep and he would know because even though he’s 65 now, he used to be an athlete and even though now he’s aging and fat and couldn’t push his elderly mother up the ramp without almost losing control. I, a skinny fucking non-athlete pushed an adult male in a wheelchair up ramps steeper than this without problem so I wanted to turn and tell the guy he just needs to admit he’s weak and stop pretending it’s an engineering problem.
Never go to community meetings.
The community meetings in Parks & Rec weren’t fiction, they were documentaries.
I have to go to those for work and I tell ya, it’s really hard to do your speech without being distracted by the hot single mom in the crowd.
There is always one.
Can confirm. there was a quite attractive wife in the crowd worried about vibrations from the passing trains.
“Settle down, toots. We’re not taking your dryer away”
1″ rise to 12″ run. A tape measure will shut that guy up, unless, of course, it wasn’t built to code.
He said he was aware of the ADA code but still thought it was shit. He just needs to admit he’s grown weak with age.
I considered piping up with my tale of pushing someone in a wheelchair up steeper ramps without a problem–or that my dad who is also in his 60’s–also did so without a problem but I wasn’t in full asshole mode.
Am I the only one who wants to see a runaway wheelchair on the too steep ramps? Yes?
OK, I’ll defer then.
It’s funny, but the same guy made a joke about it being easy to go down because you just let ’em roll. From experience, I can tell you that’s a bad idea.
I kinda wanted to chime in about how I pushed an adult male in a wheelchair up some of the steeper slopes of San Francisco without losing control, but I wasn’t going to Dick Level: Ultra.
My ex was in a chair for a while towards the end.
It’s not difficult to keep control. Sounds like this guy just wanted to whine about something.
Exactly.
And we come around full circle to how these public meetings attract the worst or craziest people in the world.
Never go to any public meetings. The most mind-numbing one I ever attended was a statewide Democratic platform committee meeting in 2004. Watching a bunch of craven Democratic assholes opposing the dozen or so variations of “Impeach Bush and his Cabinet” made me want to kill myself even more than the kooks, though.
Slow night. Good time to catch up on Botchamania. There is nothing I love more than watching people fuck up the one thing they supposedly can do.
https://vimeo.com/248494712
The one regret I have about not having any children is seeing them do this like this.
You could always become a Big Brother.
I can’t even commit to a cat, let alone a human.
Little Brothers are much less hassle than cats. And you only have to keep the kids alive for a couple of hours once a week. Or you can just meet them at school over lunch and then the keeping them alive part is the school’s problem.
(Don’t say revenge…don’t say revenge…)
I (intentionally) never made any but I’ve raised a couple I didn’t make.
It is indeed very fun when they do stupid shit like this, and you can laugh at ’em.
So… anyone on the Vikings bandwagon?
Shouldn’t that be a bandlongship?
Perhaps it’s because I’m a Cubs fan, but I empathize with overcoming horrible futility.
Wheeee!
Tennessee Titans immediately sign him as kicker.
“Nuts.”
— Blair Walsh, missing kicking the can right up against his foot.
Good evening, everyone.
I saw that one a few days ago and it still confounds me.
Who the fuck buys milk for cats?
Fuck you, stop asking questions.
Older cats with good fake IDs?
No, that’s cat wine.
It won’t surprise you to know that Rogue is an Oregon brewery (on the coast, though. Not in Portland.)
People who panic when told that cats may have some lactose intolerance to regular cow milk.
Not laughing now, are ya kid?
Dogs owning kids in a painful manner is high on the Best Kind o’ GIFs list.
Wow, Barkvaious Mingo has really improved since leaving the Browns
I’m cold. My niece wanted to go play in the snow. She’ll think twice next time.
Total peacock move by Munchak: worried that other candidates are in the running, he pulls the “I already interviewed; hire me or not” (or “family”). I think he’s angling for Tomlin’s job, but Munch would settle for OC. For now.
Never tweet.
What are “two worlds spoken to the President every 10 minutes”
“But then how will I track down my dinner?” – Jay Cutler
So El Dreamboat just got x rays on his throwing hand. FOLES-BORTLES CONFIRMED
I’m sure if he drinks enough water, it’ll fix itself in a few hours.
No nightshades mister!!!
JSD Fan Fic….
Pats tank. In the uproar, Bellijerk leaves New England. Jimmy Haslam is indicted, convicted, raped and murdered in federal prison in shocking speed. New owner quietly convinces Bellijerk to come back to Cleveland.
In a shocking turn of events, the Browns trade down like crazy, ending up with almost all of the 3rd, forth, and fifth round draft picks. They do not select a QB. The sports media has a collective seizure.
First season, they go 7-9. with using Kizer, who is showing tremendous growth but the team is still young. Second season…Browns dynasty begins. All those late draft picks start hitting like crazy. By universal degree of the city of Cleveland, all history from ’99 to the present is wiped from the history book and mentioning the previous seasons is grounds for tar and feathering.
Mmm. Mmm. More! https://gfycat.com/WealthyPalatableEasternnewt
Dr. Strange approves.
I imagine Gwyneth has some solutions he’ll be interested in. Maybe a jade egg in his ass.
Yay! Let’s Dance!
The Ghost of Bernard Pollard strikes?
How does the guy in the background keep from sadly shaking his head?
Those sunglasses are to hide how he never opens his eyes because no good could ever come from that.
It snowed like 2 inches this morning. I have a sports car. And both roads out of my neighborhood are steep inclines. But it’s only two inches…and it stopped snowing like around 3pm. Surely they have plowed the street…I mean I am in a fucking city.
Nope. Looks like I am walking to my goddamn physical in the morning.
One time when I was living there, it snowed about four inches. Immediately after unearthing my car, the plow came by, and reburied it. I told the guy to get my car out, since you just wasted 20 minutes of my time. The guy asks for the shovel I had, and starts to shovel the mountain of snow manually for about two minutes. Then Super Genius realizes he can just plow the snow away with his truck. “I’m just going to plow it away,” he tells me.
SMRT
Here is what I don’t fucking get….why do they allow people to park in the streets during snow events?
They have it on the books that its a ticketing offense…but the never fucking bother with it. My street is filled with fucking cars from people that refused to parking in their goddamn drive ways.
This was in an apartment complex off Orange Ave. I honestly didn’t know that about street parking.
“Nice try, bitch!”
-A Thousand Monkeys
“What’s a typewriter?”
I HOPE SOMEONE SMASHES THAT IPAD INTO YOUR SMUG-ASS FACE
YES. AGREED. WATCH ME TAKE A HAMMER TO YOUR IPAD TOO MISSY!
#metoo
DFO editor’s office?
There are editors?
“That moment in Under Siege when the stripper kills Colm Meaney to save my character? You can’t make that stuff up!”
-Steven Seagal
https://www.rt.com/usa/416229-pornhub-traffic-surge-hawaii-ballistic-threat/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2A_n_zwIZk4
Kevin Smith movies do not age well at all.
Anyone else ever notice he cannot write dialogue for female characters at all? Its kind of weird when you notice it.
He’s at the bottom of a long, long list of dudes that can’t write dialogue for women.
Right below me, in fact.
It’s a good thing the American populous doesn’t pay attention to the news on a regular basis. The Democrats enabling Trump to have undisputed surveillance power would normally result in the Republicans winning in a landslide, but, most aren’t paying attention.
Hey Wakezilla, Got your DFO Insiders picks ready?
We’re nearing the finish line!
Oh shit! Tonight. Where do you want me to submit the picks? Here?
Here is good.
Vikings v Iggles: It’s hard picking against Philly at home, especially with them embracing the whole ‘we get no respect’ chip on their shoulder. With that said, I think I trust Keenum more than Foles. As a result, I’ll say Vikes’ vicious defense fills Foles’ holes in mostly boring 17-13 win.
Sacksonville v P*triots: With Brady supposedly having an owie, I fully expect the refs to be a little more lenient with the P*ts’ o-line holding so Timmy doesn’t get a bruise. But you know what?
IT’S NOT GOING TO MAKE A FUCKING DIFFERENCE! Aaron Colvin is getting 2 picks and that defensive line may get held, but Myles Jack is going to take Brady to pound town early and often.
FUCK THE P*TRIOTS. FUCK THE P*TRIOTS. FUCK THE P*TRIOTS!
The Jaguares winning is my big stick pick of the week.
That’s a pretty large stick, baby.
Jaguares stuns the world and wins 42-20 in a laugher.
I mean, whether or not it’s legal isn’t really relevant; if the Trump administration wants to do it, they’ll fucking do it.
If it weren’t, it would be one of the millions of provably criminal reasons to impeach him. I’m guessing they have come to accept that under no circumstance will any Republican Senators will defect even if they do retake the House and impeach him.
It’s also just really bad optics to give A FOREIGN SPY AND TRAITOR unlimited power to spy on Americans. That is if the Democrats had any political intelligence. Instead, they are just lucky that Trump and his cronies are such cheap, shitty grifters that they don’t grasp the extent of the corruption and evil they already have the legal power to wield against their debtors, enemies, and any random people that annoy them. I mean, NSA spies were trading nudes from these illegal wiretaps and a pervert like Trump could exploit the fuck out of it if he had any brains.
It’s going to be Randy Finchter to replace BOSS TODD. He’s been the QB coach since 2010, and he and THE BEN enjoy COCO TACOS together.
Does he drive a Ford Mustang or Toyota Supra?
He looks like the kind of guy who willingly bought a Wagon Queen Family Truckster.
The important thing is that Tom Brady has an owie, and there’s still a chance of Hoyer Country being back in force!
I hope it gets infected and turns black and falls off.
Send Schiano to rehab him. Remind him to bring extra MRSA.
Sure way to lose Trump as a fan.
Boss Todd: “I’M OBLIVIOUS TO CRITICISM AND TEND TO MAKE BAD DECISIONS!”
GOP: [slips hands down pants] “Go on…”
Their own pants or Boss Todd’s pants?
It could be both.
Yes.