Man, there is really nothing to do today except workout, laundry, and sleep.
Fuck tanning. If you want skin cancer, go for it.
The soccer slate is relatively empty as all the leagues are off due to this weekend being a FIFA Friendly weekend and a ton of national teams are either preparing for Russia or testing out new players.
The U.S. is, as usual, twiddling their thumbs.
So, this seems the perfect opportunity to catch up on some much needed sleep. I had a weird dream last night where my lady friend and I were at Home Depot and she wanted something from a high shelf and somehow someway something happened and all the shelving collapsed throughout the store as I carried her running to safety outside.
Carried her because we initially were cautiously walking fast towards the exit, but she kept stopping and saying, “Oooh, we should get this!”
No, my sheets were clean when I woke up…
Kudos to TWBS for a scintillating episode of Goddess 2 yesterday. If you haven’t read it, I suggest you read them all and catch up so you can understand how we got to the pegging scene.
I would also recommend catching up on Beastie’s PotPP as my chrome nipples have a starring role and one of my friends has two dicks that argue. It’s very true to life.
I leave you with the exciting news that we will be doing individual team previews for the World Cup, so if you’ve always wanted to write about Colombia with their coke, big asses, and delicious food and don’t really care about soccer, HERE IS YOUR CHANCE!!
Pick a country in the comments and we will look forward to your drunken ramblings.
Sister Jean’s bobblehead profits are being funneled into a fund that pays for the the lawyers of pedo priests in the larger Chicago area.*
/*this may or may not be true, but it is 2018
It probably is.
/watching that French post-apocalypse Citroen-centric thriller. Merde Max is the (sugar) tits!
Has anyone seen the Bavarian Edge ad-mmercial? If you haven’t and you need your credit card to slice tomatoes for your salad, well, you’re in luck.
They coulda been real big if their management didn’t have to make that damn balloon payment!
“Let’s train for tennis!”
“OOOOOPS! The was mummy and daddy’s ‘special’ tape.”
Arrived at inlaws 15 minutes ago and do bor have a drink in my hand yet. What. The. Fuck.
You really need a do bor drink!
Proof that Megan Kelly was right.
“Even back then he was over-exposed.”
-Annie Leibovitz
Looks a lot like Frank Zappa. But we already knew that I guess.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGqITiXK42M
Well THAT puts her statement in doubt.
Charlie Manson!
Can’t blame him-I hate rubbers as well.
Muffet McGraw is a funny name.
“I knew I shouldn’t have let him name our children!”
-Jim Henson’s wife
Good thing she wears panties.
Leticia: The Early Years
Apparently she…..
[closes her eyes, taps heels]
“There’s no place like home court. There’s no place like home court.”
And from that day forward the Dobster Twins knew they didn’t like boys.
Or coach.
I may have played this tune at least 15 times in a row while lying on my belly on a shag carpet while my mom and dad and friends drank themselves into a stupor downstairs.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CPt3eSBJiQ
I heard that after their music career failed they got into kraftwerk.
You certainly did a good job….. weaving that joke in.
WTF with the one chicken skipping the line?!?
“Take your vitamins, drink milk and do ten Hail Marys, postulants and novitiates!”
This one goes out to the corpse of Aaron Hernandez
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjG9wK-Cn-o
what do the Catholics eat??
Souls.
I was expecting this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARiiO_41Id8
One of the best tunes on my K-Tel Super Hits of the Seventies double album (issued in 1973)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5JqPxmYhlo
Never know when you might need to change your socks.
“Man Hiding Half An Eggplant”
-Robert Mapplethorpe
Mrs. Effy seemed very pleased it was surprise beer and not surprise butt seks.
it can be two things!
Stryper’s parents had a band that was a one-hit wonder
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1iAaKHd7z8&list=RDf1iAaKHd7z8&t=35
/Lifetime Channel Headquarters
Casting Agent: “We need a strong female lead. One that is 32+ years old and can convey honesty and forthrightness.”
Actress: “I feel that I fit the bill-I’m a single mother with 5 movie credits.”
CA: “Excellent! This is very important-how much have you spent on plastic surgery?”
Actress: “What?”
CA: “HOW MUCH HAVE YOU SPENT ON PLASTIC SURGERY?”
Actress: “Uh, uh… I’ve spent about $500 to get rid of some crow’s feet.”
CA: “Thanks. You can go now. NEXT!”
Harry Chapin was the best.
Pokes might be moving on from Dez?
There Will Be Taeks
Football pundits takes be…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjO6FDCPIzA
“Look honey! We can project porn on the wall!”
Exposed nipple?
/reported
*NIPPLES!
The above image is appropriate.
I bought a new washer/dryer in October. Last week the washer started complaining. Technician came in and ordered parts which won’t be here until next week which means…I have to go to a fucking laundromat.
I hate those fucking places.
Therefore today I am heading to the gym, getting some rays on the walk there and back and then doing my goddamn laundry.
Luckily there is a bar right next door to the laundromat.
in law school, I lived a few blocks from a laundromat that had sports on tv and sold decent beer. Suds and Duds, I think they called it.
In a previous town the laundry was attached to a deli with a full beer selection and really good sandwiches. It’s an idea that is underutilized.
In my younger years I got laid several times because of one laundromat. That is an exception to the rule.
on the plus side, my local Publix had blood oranges, so that means blood orange and carrot juice for DIS HIPPO!!
/triggered
Of the 500+(?) books that I’ve read, The Blood Oranges is the only one that completely flummoxed me. I had no fucking idea what was going on.
/okay, fine there was this one John Fowles book about Jungian themes that threw me for a loop.
/[consults google] The Magus was stupid!
good stuff teens.
gotta be on the lookout for more funny posters…
my oldest kid is there
From the outside looking in, I’m willing to say that this meme-centric way of getting your idea across is the new ‘effective’ for the kidlings and is a great way to communicate.
/might be right/wrong
//feeling all “Brave New World” right now
continuing with the “evil update” theme:
https://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/facebooks-experiments-abroad
Hot Taek Alert:
After tasting crunchy peanut butter, no one in their right mind can go ‘smooth’.
You know how you can also make schools safe? Address the fact that you’re nearly 10x as likely to be molested by a K-12 teacher than a Catholic priest, and that just like certain dioceses, abusive teachers can still find work in a classroom, sometimes in the district the next town over.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2016/12/22/teachers-who-sexually-abuse-students-still-find-classroom-jobs/95346790/
Organizations protect members of said organization? Huh.
The catholic church has turned that into an art form.
/applies for teaching certificate
– Marc Trestman
“Public schools are having funding problems fighting lawsuits and and the expenses of background checks? CUT FUNDING AND PRAY!”
-Betsy Devos
*and stupid fucking local voters everywhere
Shit, I have to go to the grocery store.
I don’t wanna go to the grocery store.
I read The Axeman’s Jazz about a year ago and am now starting Dead Man’s Blues. It’s curious how the author has Louis Armstrong in the background as the novel moves from New Orleans to Chicago just like Satchmo did.
/watching “A Most Violent Year”. Pretty good stuff.
Waiting for a haircut and thinking of leaving based on Rod Stewart’s músic being audible.
It seems like a warning sign.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrrGKR8Xii4
finished my book book. Origin by Dan Brown.
trying to do some more drawing…..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etv9sMJktuc
Coach Z’s been drinking listerineeeee
If you’re bored, JV Hockey will have their game of the week on YouTube at 2 EST.
Headed to Blacksburg to the in-laws for 2 days of shitty internet service and sleeping on The Guest Bed Of Spikes And Agony. Then off to sunny Delray Beach for 4 days of fun in the sun and begging my mother to turn the goddamn air conditioner UP! Oh well. They get to have their Disney moment with little man. Unfortunately, they also get their Disney moment with me; sober, weed-less, sweating. Could get dicey…
Last time I was in that general vicinity was two falls ago and NC State Football was about to upset Clemson (they didn’t tho) and I couldn’t get decent cell service to keep up. It was really pissing me off.
I found out hours later we’d missed the kick and then lost in OT.
Then I got drunk.
Pick a country? Since when are you a neo-colonialist?
Uruguay. A preview:
I plan to finish a booky-book today, after talking to a recruiter and a quick run to Super Target.
News from next week: William Hill expanding US operations.
Decided that I am going to bust out the smoker this afternoon. Was thinking of going the chicken direction today.
Excellent choice. May I also suggest bacon?
Interesting. I will look at this as well.
Jeebus, now that’s a sentence.
Top o’ the world, Ma!!!! I finally made it!!!!