NFL News:
- Suspensions!
- Rams G Jamon Brown – two games for “violating the NFL Policy and Program for Substances of Abuse”.
- Packers RB Aaron Jones – two games for substance violations.
- stemming from “an early October 2017 arrest and marijuana-related charge, to which he pleaded no contest in February”.
- Niners LB Reuben Foster – two games; as above.
- stemming from “a weapons offense and a misdemeanor drug offense, both of which were resolved during the offseason”.
- Inductions!
- Terrell Owens will give his Hall of Fame speech at the University of Tennessee-Chattanooga, his alma mater.
- Injunctions!
- The League has pushed for a summary judgement in the Colin Kaepernick collusion trial.
- They are using the CBA to force an arbitrator to decide if he has made his case or not.
- If not, the suit will be dismissed.
- According to PFT, the NFL’s obvious goal in seeking summary judgment will be to force Kaepernick and his lawyer, Mark Geragos, to provide a preview of their trial plans by showing how the alleged evidence of collusion meshes with the applicable law to prove that a violation occurred.
- They are using the CBA to force an arbitrator to decide if he has made his case or not.
- The League has pushed for a summary judgement in the Colin Kaepernick collusion trial.
- Seizures!
- 108 fake Super Bowl rings, shipped from Hong Kong to Philadelphia.
- CBP actually sent them to the NFL for verification, to make sure.
- 108 fake Super Bowl rings, shipped from Hong Kong to Philadelphia.
Tonight’s sports:
- MLB:
- Mets at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet / MLBN
- Angels at A’s – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1 / MLBN
- NBA Summer League:
- Heat vs. Lakers – 9:00PM | ESPN2
- WWE:
- Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
- “Team Hell No!” is back together, ICYMI
- Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
The 2018 Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest is Wednesday at noon ET, 9:00AM PT, likely on ESPN & TSN. ROMAN MOMENTS FOR BREAKFAST!
Serious question: if the Supreme Court reversed Roe Vs. Wade, would that mean states could make vaccination mandatory?
Buy hanger stock.
[buys hanger steak] – Andy Reid
@yeahright, just saw the note on pork chops…are you leaving any out on the window sill like an old timey pie?
BFC: …now pork chops I’m going to be doing this…
BFC: [makes chomping motion]
BFC: …and if you get eaten, it’s your own fault.
BFC: [hits head on window sill, eats pork chops anyway]
I very much see Brock Samson atop that throne and suddenly miss the old Moose avatar. But the good news is 8/5, mothafuckas!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTOMeJrmZlY
The first image was posted on the old site by Xmas Ape and I was blown away by it. The artist is Doug Wildey and he was the creator of “Jonny Quest” although his original art direction was much more detailed (and expensive) than Hanna-Barbara could produce for a weekly series. He’s the inspiration for “Archer” as well.
I’ve seen it many times, but didn’t know all that valuable information. God damn.
If you haven’t seen Venture Bros, it’s basically a Johnny Quest parody and one of my favorite shows out there. Highly recommended.
It’s also where my pseudonym came from!
Looking back It’s almost unbelievable that the Race Bannon books were in the on-Post library when my family was stationed at Ft. Shafter, Hawaii in the ’70s. They were so sexed-up and racist! Good times …
They’ve still got it.
Man, there’s nothing better than watching Truvada ads.
It’s my beginning to a 5-day weekend, with a “work from home” day thrown in the middle for me. Basically, this means that I can finally catch up on all the crap that I have been putting off because there is literally no time.
List of chores to accomplish in that span:
Call my ISP and yell at them about my prices
Finish call with Costco Customer Service and get an RMA for my living room TV which crapped out last month (but is still under warranty!)
Make various doctor’s appointments which take months to get into
Have a day where I do nothing but play South Park: Fractured But Whole
Watch a few episodes of Atlanta
Buy chips and guac for my friend’s BBQ tomorrow
Get the phone number of the cute, punk bartender I’m going to see Streetlight Manifesto with at the end of the month
Finish tomorrow’s Afternoon Open Thread
Quiet the voices in my head telling me to kill
Catch up on Battlebots!
Drink heavily and then use Sunday as my cumulative hangover day
If I accomplish half of these things, man, 5 days well spent.
Does this bartender know she’s seeing Streetlight with you at the end of the month? As for me I saw them at school in ’09 and they were a fuckton better than the other co-headliner. Which is how I got my hatred of Drake!
She does! Tickets were purchased and the outline of a date was set. Just gotta close the loop.
I finally saw them for the first time last year, and it was also the first time I made it to the front row at a crowded as fuck show and managed to stay there pretty much the whole time.
You ever wake up at night in a cold sweat suddenly remembering a song that you should’ve added to DFO Radio? That happened with this song for the Guns playlist:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiY-SgAFUUY
That list seems like a pretty reasonable list to accomplish.
I know I haven’t written anything in a while, but those voices talk to me in to ALL CAPS! OOOOHHHHH YEEEAAAAHHHHH!
As it’s the 4th here, I feel like a Souza march is in order! Fittingly it’s the best one I could get to describe the government.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6Dd0EaEbqg
.
He’s doing this live.
Which he never does.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0aMCpRZPZE
Want an idea of how insane our brains are? Read this interesting thread on the Twitter. It’s a pretty neat trip. It’s even trippier when you realize your brain is doing what’s described in that thread while you’re reading. *BRAHMMMM*
Edit: This link is the whole thread, but more accessible to read:
https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1014267515696922624.html
Can’t say I endorse it.
But best wishes!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTH71AAxXmM
Holy shit! That was great!
They made good video.
And lots more.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW8UlrtcEac
Ever just sit in your car at a public parking lot and watch other people park? Holy shit, is it ever terrifying. Toddlerzilla fell asleep so I sat at a Costco parking lot, waiting for her to wake up. Anyway, our car almost got hit a couple of times and there were other near misses in a span of 45 minutes.
That guy hit a ghost
I almost ragequit two parking lots today. People in LA should be forced to take road tests semiannually.
ATTENTION, ATTENTION, ATTENTION!!!
MRS. CORNBLOWER AND I HAVE BEEN INVITED TO A 4TH OF JULY PARTY AT THE HOME OF OUR ELDEST’S GIRLFRIEND’S PARENTS!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!
DFO…ASSEMBLE!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l482T0yNkeo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sY8z8B8gC40
Bring a really nice bottle of pinot grigio.
Shake hands warmly.
Grab the nearest alcoholic drink that you can grab and…
Tell them a dick joke.
Be gracious, polite, and complimentary: “If I was twenty years younger I’d be fucking your daughter too.”
Yeah.
20 years younger.
Has your son done this at any point? Alternately has his gf said something like this to you?
You sure they aren’t going to ask you to put your car keys into a bowl?
I’d ask them if there’s anything you can bring. Aside from that, I’d bring a bottle of wine and cheese that pairs well with the wine. I’d go with Shiraz and a smoked Gouda.
Just remember, as messed up as it is for you to be doing this, your son will be infinitely more worried about your interactions. So don’t sweat it!
Did you just assume the Eldest’s gender?
Pretty sure he has mentioned Eldest is a boy in the past with stories
-Jerry Sandusky
No, Wake is right. He’s a he.
And he’s gonna be fucking terrified.
He better be!
Smoked gouda is nice.
“I tried that once and it really fucked up my bong.”
— Josh Gordon
I would love to show up pantsless to save the party, but I have a firm no-Connecticut policy.
But CT is right next to Treehouse…
Yeah.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0u2yA2Wrtvg
I walked to the grocery store earlier. I don’t think I’m going to get used to people in LA being freaked out that pedestrians can use the sidewalks.
Careful. Once they get used to the sight, you’ll turn into a target.
Huh?
You’re in LA already?
Yup. I live here now. It’s weird.
Welcome! Enjoy the summer traffic while it’s here.
I’m making pork chops!
“Aubrey Plaza in sweater with butcher knife” is maybe the sexiest combination EVAR. Fuck, my brain is not a healthy zone.
How about in a nun’s habit?
I have issues.
No, this isn’t going to work.
I’m instapotting curry. I don’t really know what an appropriate curry recipe looks like but I read the instructions like four times before closing that lid because that all sure didn’t look right going in….
Instapot + Curry = Much Forgiveness
You really can’t go wrong.
I love my instant pot. Had ribs in 45 minutes this past weekend. Didn’t seem right going in, finished on the bbq and it worked.
I got nowhere to finish.
Much like Paul Manafort these days.
You did start with fresh ginger, fresh garlic, green onion, lemongrass, coconut milk with turmeric and cardamom didn’t you?
Just heard the first firework.
Time to go give the dogs some company — so I guess this means I need to get high and fire up the tv.
Should I start Game of Thrones?
I mean, I guess. You could also follow me down the rabbit hole of Korean TV dramas. Start with My Love From Another Star and then maybe Heirs (both are silly and fun), and once you’ve knocked those out move on to Misaeng, which is actually quite brilliant.
You’re our Abed.
Worth it.
I’ve never got the Aubrey Plaza thing.
heresy!!
Egh, different strokes for different folks.
Yo, what’s the haps?
With the craps? Shake em up, shake em up, shake em.
Is it bad that all I can think about is going to Vegas this weekend to play craps?
I’m watching Chopped and drinking a rum and coke. My cat is in my lap.
Oh and we had turkey club sandwiches for dinner.
Turkey?!? It’s not Thanksgiving, man!
Oh man I used lettuce and tomato from the garden and avocado from the farmer’s market…it was a great sandwich.
\I wonder if they ever do solve the mystery.
If it’s the mystery of Daphne’s missing underpants… no.
Oh shit! It is not Friday.
Are airplanes supposed to do that?
Quality craftsmanship from the Tacoma Aerospace Company.
What is… the alpha version of Chomp? I’ll take “Lil” Pimpin’ for $800.
Any airplane can do that. Once.
shake em you won’t break em
I saw this happen to a guy hauling a race car on I-85 in rural North Carolina one night. I was behind and to the left, and he started that fish-tail and it just got stronger and stronger and wilder and then BAM the tow hitch broke off but not the chain that connected the trailer to the pickup. Instantly the trailer started acting like a drogue parachute and straightened the whole mess out as he slowed down and stopped. He didn’t drop the race car either.
Similar; a truck pulling a large empty car hauler trailer. I speed up to get ahead of him. He managed to control it, bit not until after going across both lanes. In Texas, between Beaumont and Orange….. a lovely piece of earth.
Yeah Right saw this happen:
Saw a guy swerve last summer with a big ass yacht that went out of control and flew off the shoulder and shattered against the tree line. His truck was basically unscathed, but he looked like he lost his family while picking wreckage off the ground. My heart smiles thinking back on it.
Sadly, this movie was kind of disappointing
Another gif from Mamazon, a cinema masterpiece.
That sounds refreshing, unlike Mammazone, a/ka the middle aged Italian’s happy place. Smotherrifico!
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3960974/
Jaundice?
/Nawt a doctor
Fruit is a healthy and necessary part of a balanced diet.
Oh Bones, you old queen, you’re not going anywhere.
I think his range would be limited to ‘has heartbeat.”
Anybody else have a great work week so far?
[Checks World Cup picks pool results]
[Looks for own name, don’t see it]
[Scrolls down]
…
[Still scrolling]
That labia is uge!
Evidently, Jenni McCarthy will be doing a “bottle signing” of her new wine label at the liquor store across the street next week. Should I go and ask her if giving my kids her wine will be a better alternative than vaccines?
Does it involve throwing full bottles of wine at people? For legal reasons, no one in particular.
Bottle signing, not bottle slinging, Senor.
It can be two things!
Doesn’t she know alcohol makes kids artistic?
“I’d give this bottle to my kid… but he died… of polio… because I didn’t get him vaccinated.”
Boots on the ground: Jenny McCarthy Events could be a dfo thing!
That don’t even look like her…way too sane.
First one to murder her ignorant ass gets credit for saving…… a fifty kid credit*
and a DFO alibi.
*not Sanduski credits
So for anyone who is interested in the ice cream saga in the Deadly household from two days ago, we ended up going with green tea matcha. It’s actually quite delicious.
“Hmmm. Now that is interesting.”
-Jay Cutler
*sees score in Dirt P*ts-Dirt Redacteds game*
THIS WASHINGTON NATIONALS I CALL THEM THE ORIGINAL SNL CAST BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT READY FOR PRIME TIME.
/Joke still works better after the NLDS
Because I’m a clumsy moron, I fell down the stairs on Monday. Now, we live in a second-floor apartment, so the steps are cement.. I feel like Dennis after Charlie pushed him in front of that car.
Was it Lil’ WCS or Lil’er WCS who tripped you?
“Which one of you left your roller skates on the stairs?”
Also, artist’s dramatization: