EDITOR’S NOTE: This is Balls. tWBS is… out. So, i’m taking over tonight’s Sexy Friday thread and … I’ve got some bad news
This is your last Sexy Friday.
For some of you, that’s not a problem. Truth be told, Sexy Friday had gotten to be a pain for tWBS to write as certain factions had “problems” with it.
I told tWBS to tell those people to fuck themselves, but he’s a sensitive soul and wants everyone to be happy and so here we are.
Please join me in pouring one out
TWBS: Hey wait a minute!! Sensitive soul???? Plus…YOU’RE WASTING PERFECTLY GOOD MALT LIQUOR!!!!!
Balls: What? I thought you were gone!
TWBS: You trying to get rid of me?!?
Balls: Jesus, no! It’s just that we talked about no more Sexy Friday and I thought this would be a nice sendoff.
TWBS (eyeing Balls suspiciously): You know, it’s cute that you think I even have a soul. Besides, you’re not getting rid of me that easily. I always come back. I’m like the herpes virus from hell!!!!!!!!
Balls: Chill, man! I’m on your side! Well, I’m NOT on your side as far as Sexy Friday ending, but if that’s the will of the
assholes people, so be it.
TWBS: Well, “ending” might not be the right word. Did you tell them that I’ll still be writing?
Balls: I was getting to that before I was rudely interrupted.
TWBS (glossing over Balls’ comment): And where was I “going”?!?
Balls: Duh! California!!
TWBS (sighing): Not yet.
Balls: Ah, but soon enough.
TWBS (sighing again): If you say so, but not soon enough for my own liking.
Balls: Btw, did you see that Geelong game yesterday? Pretty cool, huh?
TWBS: One, yes. Two, I thought we were going to lose in horrible fashion…
At this point, Balls and tWBS both begin singing in unison…and totally not in a gay way….mostly…
TWBS: …And three, don’t change the subject!
Balls: What were we talking about?
TWBS: Hey, remember this?
Balls: One, yes. Two, who’s changing the subject now?
TWBS: OK, fine. Sexy Friday is going away, at least sort of. But I’m not. Also, fuck Hawthorn.
Balls: Hey, do you think Moose would want to take over Sexy Friday?
TWBS: If he wanted to, I would be the first to welcome him to it. But still, sounds like you’re trying to get rid of me again!!!!! (lunges at Balls) ASSHOLE!!!
TWBS and Balls roll around on the floor fighting for ten minutes. This time, it’s pretty gay.
Balls (panting): You done?
TWBS: Hey!!!! You thief!!!!
Balls: Hehehehehe, serves you right. Look, can we at least go out with a bang?
Balls: Indeed. Do you remember the game Uno?
Balls: Ok, I challenge you to a Sexy Friday game of Uno.
TWBS: How the fuck is that supposed to work?
Balls: We start with a random girl/color/outfit combination. The next person has to either match the outfit or the color. Get it?
TWBS: I think so. I’ll start….
….but wait…. Now when you say color, do you mean….? Nah, never mind. Let’s not go there. Here’s one sexy blonde girl…with green eyes and, well, obvious skin pigmentation. That should leave it open for you…
TWBS: There, top that.
Balls: BAM! Blonde in a blue bikini!
TWBS: Ok, I think I’ve got the hang of it. Switching it up! Redhead in a red bikini!
Balls: Technically, by the rules, you’re supposed to match two things, but I’ll allow it.
TWBS: The rules you just made up?
TWBS: Uh…. Chill dude?
Balls: I’m ok. I’M OK! My turn?
TWBS (stepping a foot back): Yeah.
Balls: BOOM! Purple hair girl in a purple bikini!
TWBS: Well, if you insist…
Balls: You bastard! Wait, I’m afraid nothing matches the previous picture.
TWBS: What the fu…
Balls: DO IT!! GRAB A CARD FROM THE DECK!
TWBS: What deck?
Balls: JUS DAE IT!!
TWBS: I beg to differ, Sir. If that girl with the pink hair, wearing the pink corset showed up at my door… and if I was allowed to show more here than the erection silhouette gif up there? Well, I promise you that something in the room would be purple. And throbbing.
But yeah, no one wants to see that. So fine, I’ll draw….
Balls: It’s funny that you think you’re so clever. BAM!!
TWBS: Wow. They sure as hell saved on some textile costs, huh? I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to match to anymore. Mostly because…. well we covered that already. Purple. And throbbing. Why don’t I draw another card?
…red lingerie on a lovely Russian gal (get it?). Yes, I’m pretty proud of that one.
Balls: Red lingerie, you say?
TWBS: Oh, you’re gonna go there huh? OK.
TWBS: OK. Since my next flight west still doesn’t happen for 14 more days, and I can’t walk around with this erection that long… At least not without getting arrested or having to go to the emergency room…. Let’s try to change this up down the stretch. LOL…. “stretch” …ahem…sorry…
OK, black hair (mostly…and no I’m not talking about the carpet) and black bikini, it fits. Heheheh…. “it fits” … Also, UNO!
Balls: I’m getting loopy over here…. let’s see… oh, ok! Here we go!
TWBS: Ok, before this degrades even further, I’m putting down the automatic win card.
Balls: You’re bluffing
TWBS: Wanna bet on it?
Balls: Miss Scarlett in the Bedroom with the Dildo!!
TWBS: Jesus dude, you’re losing it!
TWBS: That’ll do pig, that’ll do. Game. Set. Match.
Balls: Before we call it a day, I do want to thank you for all the hard work you did on Sexy Friday. My penis thanks you many times over.
TWBS: Ewww. Also… you’re welcome?
Balls: Tierra Del Fuego.
TWBS: They have ointment for that.
I’m Not Sure How To Close This Without Sounding Like A Self-Indulgent Prick
But I’ll try….
First, thanks to Balls for not being terribly pissed off at me. Hopefully, no one else is either.
Also thanks to Balls for bringing me in to do Sexy Friday to begin with. And to King Hippo for bringing me into DFO to begin with, as well.
There likely will still be Fridays now and again during which the sexy happens. But the time commitment of putting them together is something I’m no longer able to do on a weekly basis. And even on weeks when the Friday Open Thread theme isn’t a “sexy” one, of course you are all still welcome to post your own sexiness in the comments. Wait, let me rephrase that…
NO SELFIE DICK PICS, MOOSE!!!!!
And even though things are changing a little bit here on Friday evenings, well…
I still love ya’s.
Immediately Starts Counting The Days Until…
Jeebus, I miss it when I’m not there.
This is not a sad thing, folks. All things change. My hope is that this change will be for the good.
See you on the other side.
Have a great weekend, everyone.