EDITOR’S NOTE: This is Balls. tWBS is… out. So, i’m taking over tonight’s Sexy Friday thread and … I’ve got some bad news
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This is your last Sexy Friday.
For some of you, that’s not a problem. Truth be told, Sexy Friday had gotten to be a pain for tWBS to write as certain factions had “problems” with it.
I told tWBS to tell those people to fuck themselves, but he’s a sensitive soul and wants everyone to be happy and so here we are.
Please join me in pouring one out
TWBS: Hey wait a minute!! Sensitive soul???? Plus…YOU’RE WASTING PERFECTLY GOOD MALT LIQUOR!!!!!
Balls: What? I thought you were gone!
TWBS: You trying to get rid of me?!?
Balls: Jesus, no! It’s just that we talked about no more Sexy Friday and I thought this would be a nice sendoff.
TWBS (eyeing Balls suspiciously): You know, it’s cute that you think I even have a soul. Besides, you’re not getting rid of me that easily. I always come back. I’m like the herpes virus from hell!!!!!!!!
Balls: Chill, man! I’m on your side! Well, I’m NOT on your side as far as Sexy Friday ending, but if that’s the will of the assholes people, so be it.
TWBS: Well, “ending” might not be the right word. Did you tell them that I’ll still be writing?
Balls: I was getting to that before I was rudely interrupted.
TWBS (glossing over Balls’ comment): And where was I “going”?!?
Balls: Duh! California!!
TWBS (sighing): Not yet.
Balls: Ah, but soon enough.
TWBS (sighing again): If you say so, but not soon enough for my own liking.
Balls: Btw, did you see that Geelong game yesterday? Pretty cool, huh?
TWBS: One, yes. Two, I thought we were going to lose in horrible fashion…
At this point, Balls and tWBS both begin singing in unison…and totally not in a gay way….mostly…
/song ends
TWBS: …And three, don’t change the subject!
Balls: What were we talking about?
TWBS: Hey, remember this?
Balls: One, yes. Two, who’s changing the subject now?
TWBS: OK, fine. Sexy Friday is going away, at least sort of. But I’m not. Also, fuck Hawthorn.
Balls: Hey, do you think Moose would want to take over Sexy Friday?
TWBS: If he wanted to, I would be the first to welcome him to it. But still, sounds like you’re trying to get rid of me again!!!!! (lunges at Balls) ASSHOLE!!!
TWBS and Balls roll around on the floor fighting for ten minutes. This time, it’s pretty gay.
Balls (panting): You done?
TWBS:
Balls: 
TWBS: Hey!!!! You thief!!!!
Balls: Hehehehehe, serves you right. Look, can we at least go out with a bang?
TWBS: Phrasing.
Balls: Indeed. Do you remember the game Uno?
TWBS: Yeah…
Balls: Ok, I challenge you to a Sexy Friday game of Uno.
TWBS: How the fuck is that supposed to work?
Balls: We start with a random girl/color/outfit combination. The next person has to either match the outfit or the color. Get it?
TWBS: I think so. I’ll start….
….but wait…. Now when you say color, do you mean….? Nah, never mind. Let’s not go there. Here’s one sexy blonde girl…with green eyes and, well, obvious skin pigmentation. That should leave it open for you…
TWBS: There, top that.
Balls: BAM! Blonde in a blue bikini!
TWBS: Ok, I think I’ve got the hang of it. Switching it up! Redhead in a red bikini!
Balls: Technically, by the rules, you’re supposed to match two things, but I’ll allow it.
TWBS: The rules you just made up?
Balls:
TWBS: Uh…. Chill dude?
Balls: I’m ok. I’M OK! My turn?
TWBS (stepping a foot back): Yeah.
Balls: BOOM! Purple hair girl in a purple bikini!
Top that!!
TWBS: Well, if you insist…
….ahem…. 
Balls: You bastard! Wait, I’m afraid nothing matches the previous picture.
TWBS: What the fu…
Balls: DO IT!! GRAB A CARD FROM THE DECK!
TWBS: What deck?
Balls: JUS DAE IT!!
TWBS: I beg to differ, Sir. If that girl with the pink hair, wearing the pink corset showed up at my door… and if I was allowed to show more here than the erection silhouette gif up there? Well, I promise you that something in the room would be purple. And throbbing.
But yeah, no one wants to see that. So fine, I’ll draw….
….Haha….
Balls: It’s funny that you think you’re so clever. BAM!!
TWBS: Wow. They sure as hell saved on some textile costs, huh? I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to match to anymore. Mostly because…. well we covered that already. Purple. And throbbing. Why don’t I draw another card?
….ummmm….
…red lingerie on a lovely Russian gal (get it?). Yes, I’m pretty proud of that one.
Balls: Red lingerie, you say?
TWBS: Oh, you’re gonna go there huh? OK.
Balls: Uh…
TWBS: OK. Since my next flight west still doesn’t happen for 14 more days, and I can’t walk around with this erection that long… At least not without getting arrested or having to go to the emergency room…. Let’s try to change this up down the stretch. LOL…. “stretch” …ahem…sorry…
OK, black hair (mostly…and no I’m not talking about the carpet) and black bikini, it fits. Heheheh…. “it fits” … Also, UNO!
Balls: I’m getting loopy over here…. let’s see… oh, ok! Here we go!
TWBS: WHAT?
Balls: What?
TWBS: Ok, before this degrades even further, I’m putting down the automatic win card.
Balls: You’re bluffing
TWBS: Wanna bet on it?
Balls: Miss Scarlett in the Bedroom with the Dildo!!
TWBS: Jesus dude, you’re losing it!
Balls:
TWBS: That’ll do pig, that’ll do. Game. Set. Match.
Balls:
Balls: Before we call it a day, I do want to thank you for all the hard work you did on Sexy Friday. My penis thanks you many times over.
TWBS: Ewww. Also… you’re welcome?
Balls: Tierra Del Fuego.
TWBS: They have ointment for that.
Balls: What?
TWBS: What?
–
I’m Not Sure How To Close This Without Sounding Like A Self-Indulgent Prick
But I’ll try….
First, thanks to Balls for not being terribly pissed off at me. Hopefully, no one else is either.
Also thanks to Balls for bringing me in to do Sexy Friday to begin with. And to King Hippo for bringing me into DFO to begin with, as well.
There likely will still be Fridays now and again during which the sexy happens. But the time commitment of putting them together is something I’m no longer able to do on a weekly basis. And even on weeks when the Friday Open Thread theme isn’t a “sexy” one, of course you are all still welcome to post your own sexiness in the comments. Wait, let me rephrase that…
NO SELFIE DICK PICS, MOOSE!!!!!
And even though things are changing a little bit here on Friday evenings, well…
I still love ya’s.
– tWBS
–
Immediately Starts Counting The Days Until…
Jeebus, I miss it when I’m not there.
But anywhoooo….
This is not a sad thing, folks. All things change. My hope is that this change will be for the good.
See you on the other side.
Have a great weekend, everyone.
–
http://guyspeed.com/files/2016/05/Charlotte-McKinney-nip-slip.gif
too big.
This joke is a reach.
Hit reverse.
Mankinis never really caught on here.
Um, art…..
Good distractions for “scary” movies.
Even in a galaxy far, far……
Paint me a picture.
Famous people work hard to look good in them.
http://media.giphy.com/media/CZedlPSpZ6hKo/giphy.gif
The catwalk, too…..
Flinches when she sees the cream pie coming. 2/10, would still give her a cream pie.
Safety first. YOU know how it hurts when it gets in your eye.
Word on the street…. a beach with Rachel.
They are SUPPOSED to get wet, damn it.
But we still have to size up the situation.
People in Brazil are particularly fond of them toooo.
Whomever designed that one deserves an honorary engineering degree.
That’s an impressive……lack of structural failure, let’s say
ACK!!
I FIXED IT!!!!
Although ack was an apropos typo I suppose.
Good God!
Got damnnnnnnnnnnnn!
I can’t really contain…..
my enjoyment of this garment.
Bee strong peoples.
Water resistant underwear, sort of.
Close to the edge.
Theoretical physics.
Balls likes hats.
Yellow Submarine.
something something willing to go down something something
Some don’t really fit, but I am not here to judge.
Even women like them on women (well, sometimes anyway)
Possibly my favorite gif I’ve ever seen.
It’s right up there with Raptors Mascot Eats Shit
He’s German?
Or the damn neighbor’s dog.
The blonde is Katia Clover … or so I’ve been told.
I have no idea either, and how she has multiple images on my computer I’ll never know.
You are correct.
An acquaintance of mine has photo’d her multiple times (just artistic nudes, not…ya know). But still….lucky bastard.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07Y0cy-nvAg
BUST them out.
Nobody seemed to want to celebrate our greatest national holiday; July 5th (1946) when bikinis were introduced to the prudish western cultures., welp.
I’m looking at this hours after it was posted and I’m now seeing that it’s the beginning of bikini-fest. This is great.
Double penetration, huh?
Love the plethora of microphones on the players in the CFL games lately. Just the right amount of LOUD CURSING WORDS!!!1!!
one day will be Manu’s last day as a Spur and i will cry.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnrLci9xAIM
It showed us in the black community that the way forward was a white girl co-opting our culture.
I still can’t believe this film got fucking made.
Wait, Jessica Alba isn’t black!?
Finally! A white girl catches a break.
Au Revoir Tony
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7cYZ09t6kc
Folks. Am getting drunk tonight.
Next drunk hot Taek….best opening to a series…
Mr. Robot
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1z5y8mMi6M
Also possibly the biggest drop-off from season 1 to 2
Sober Nerd Take: The best parts of Mr. Robot is when he uses actual penetration methods and tools unlike just about every other fucking TV show. Legit cheered when I saw him boot up a Kali box.
I fully admit, I only made it through season 1. With work and a short attention span, I rarely follow anything but sports.
I did enjoy that the show treated computer security risks fairly accurate. I really enjoyed the first season, so I naturally assumed it fucking sucked for the second and didn’t bother.
I mean, it’s watchable, but after that first one, it had little hope
“The best parts of Mr. Robot is when he uses actual penetration methods…”
And they said Sexy Friday was dead.
I don’t disagree, but The Americans also really hit the ground running.
Drunk Hot Teak…
Suicide Squad the movie was not bad…considering how crappy the comic series it is based on.
Seriously…anyone disappointed in that film clearly didn’t read the original source material and realized it could never be fleshed out into an actual presentable movie.
Margot Robbie amused me. Jared Leto made (and makes) me stabby.
Movie was fine, expectations were stupid.
Tell me more about the teak.
I didn’t mind Jared Leto. I prefer an actor trying to own the character than trying to mimic a prior actor’s performance. I think it could have worked very well with the right script.
There is no “true” joker….the character goes through phases and re-telling just like Batman.
Marvel could make a fantastic movie around Leto’s Joker. DC movie studios would fucking butcher the original Iron Man.
Its fascinating to see how one studio is so fucking bad at doing the same thing as another.
Fair enough. Completely agree that no one should try to do Ledger (except Jake Gyllenhaal), but I didn’t like the direction he took it. I also didn’t like him in the new Blade Runner movie, and I don’t like 30 Seconds to Mars, so maybe I just have a Leto problem.
I liked how creepy he was in the new Blade Runner Movie.
I agree with his annoying band.
SAY HELLO TO MY LETO FRIEND!
LEGO MY LETO … great now I want an Eggo …
There was only one scene in the movie I found tolerable – the bar scene.
Please no one think I am a fan of the movie.
Its just the original material is not good at all and it certainly doesn’t work in a single film format. It could work possibly on a TV show, but not a single movie.
John Wick II is a remarkably stupid movie…
It was a letdown compared to the first, but I still had fun watching it.
In particular this exchange amused me very much.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmBw5vJE29A
The Lawrence Fishburn scenes are so fucking moronic. They are talking about how there is $7 million dollars on Wick’s head…but that is nothing compared to the shear cost of all the guns his homeless crew is walking around with.
I agree with all of this, even as I watch it for the 5th time.
And this is a prime example of what annoys the fuck out of me about this movie franchise…so not only can John Wick kill anyone and speak multiple languages…he fucking knows Italian sign language.
I mean come the fuck on…
Is anyone currently watching BattleBots?
/Remembers the two others who I know watch are on the Left Coast
Well, I know I’m gonna want opinions on that decision!
//They’ll know which one
///Dick joke
I’m currently drinking…does that count?
Fuck you…my opinions are even more valid when I drink!
Okay, and also that other one.
I’ll get right on that.
It was just on here, so you won’t get it until 8 your time. But you’ll know the decisions.
No beef with the first one. It was a tight call, but I actually agreed with it.
I don’t agree with the second one, but it was a tight call too.
Yeah, that’s the one getting most of the questions on Facebook. And salt on Reddit.
Sight unseen I’m guessing that Chomp got served an undeserved victory.
Oh thank God I was wrong – I was filled with dread when I saw that Chomp vs. Huge was the first fight on the card.
Does somebody still put out a cut of the episodes on youtube that’s just the fights? I ain’t got time to spend half the show watching pointless interviews and shit.
/Switches back to tab 3 of 300 of cat videos
It got better thanks to Discovery Channel realizing we want to watch fighting robots!
This world cup….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VsmF9m_Nt8
Yeah, I’m glad Sexy Friday’s done.
On the other hand…dammit, I just came in the other hand.
I support tWBS in his voluntary castration and journey to become a white-supremacist incel.
I think if he was voluntarily castrated he wouldn’t be an incel.
(sigh) Can’t I just make fun of his genital situation without some urological enthusiast cocksplaining everything?
THIS SONNY GRAY I CALL HIM FRY’S HOLOPHONE PLAYING WITHOUT THE ROBOT DEVIL’S HANDS BECAUSE HIS PITCHING IS BAD AND HE SHOULD FEEL BAD!
/Goes back to watching BattleBots
DFO turned into a soft core porn channel so gradually I didn’t even notice.
I’ll take over Sexy Friday. Grab your dick and let’s GET DOWN:
HOT DAMN ! ! !
“Mmmm, not hot enough.”
-Pete Carroll