That’s right, baby. Ain’t nobody more popular than the backup QB, especially when he’s the redneck nephew of Jim Kelly, who somehow managed to get kicked out of fucking Clemson yet be 10 times smarter than functional illiterate Paxton Lynch. Anyway, here’s the delightful Brandon Perna to take you through Swag looking great in his first action with Denver’s 2s, while Lynch sucked hind teat against the Bearistocrats! 3s:
One might note that the Donks have lost both home pre-season matches (correct!) and if Hippo led talking about the backup QB (again) who was the last overall pick in the 2017 Draft, perhaps things don’t look so fucking hot?
Well…maybe. All things Pravda out of camp are positive regarding Case Keenum, and the very limited practice game snaps aren’t such that I am going to start panicking. Nor am I one of those crazy fucks that expected a 5-11 side to turn instantly into a Superb Owl contender. This is, after all, the NFL’s lukewarm oatmeal division for 2018 (and probably 2019). He is a good fit for the Bill Musgrave/Gary Kubiak style that is currently in vogue in Dove Valley. Demaryius and Emmanuel Sanders both seem noticeably happier. QB should be fine. Really.
The offensive line is still shit. The starters are average on their best day, and the depth is as theoretical as a teenager’s common sense. Keenum and Swag can both run for their life and make quick decisions, which is very good.
Folks are excite about BOTH rookie RBs Royce Freeman (Oregon) and especially local product Phillip Lindsay (Colorado), who has shown good open field and special teams ability, despite being wee tiny. Could be a fantasy headache, with Devontae Booker sure to still get carries. Plus again…shitty OL.
Back to the positives – the defense should be funner ‘n’ hayell. Bradley Chubb starting along fellow chess piece/nether demon Von Miller will wreak havoc on opposing QBs. Chubb has shown good run stopping and coverage ability, as well. Perhaps I will buy my first jersey since the mango #7 I wore during college exams for luck? The secondary is a bit iffy without Talib, but Bradley Roby and Chris Harris, Jr. are still very good. They just cannot get hurt under any circumstances.
Oh, and the biggest positive. Stealing Pre-Vegas’ cool black punter. He’s fucking awesome. And we should be punting a lot, and at altitude. Pencil him in for team MVP.
Behind the scenes, there is a somewhat messy struggle for ownership, as both Bowlens struggle with Alzheimers. This is remarkably fucking sad.
Overall, this team reeks of 8-8, but a ball could bounce a win either way. In this division, 8 or 9 could easily suffice. We shall see if the #SwagEra begins in earnest come 2019. Hold onto your butts (hey, we have a Jake Butt! Chubb and the Butt! Chubb and the Butt!).
Instant Hippo Update: Tevas on the Ground in Donks-ville (sorry, Brick) and my oh my, does the Mile High City have some attractive womenfolk. I wonder how Moose still has a working neck. And yes, there were several #BFIB on my train from el aeropuerto. They ain’t call us that for nuthin’ ya noe.
Instant Hippo Update Numero Dos: And guess where Hippo will be at 3p DFO standard time?
Oh yeah, that’s a Donks WOO!!! Too bad it’s hot as fuck (more so than in North Cakalaky) and I left my Donks pullover and badass Donks/Obama combo logo long sleeve T-shirt (has to be seen to be believed, tis so awesome – the asshole vegan kid found for me thrifting, she really does have her good moments) in the car (way out park-and-ride lot). I feel a bit bad wearing only #BFIB swag onto Holy ground, but maybe a cute girl will give me shit and then I’m in, baby!!
http://i.imgur.com/eJmIi5w.jpg
Due to your writing style I’m not sure what you are saying, but woooo anyway.
The division will all ride the mediocrity train through the season. Agreed it would be from 6-10, 7-9 to 10-6 winner and a one and done in the playoffs. All the teams are much closer than Rikki would have you believe, so predicting a winner is…… . It will come down to front line injuries and a few players that were not expected to be good shine. One thing is (if the Waiders don’t trade the Mack attack) that teams playing opponents in this division will get sacked, which should be glorious. I guess if pressed 9-7 and a Vance firing. Worst would be 6-10 with a bunch of injuries and a Vance firing, best Case would be 10-6, division and a playoff win because the opponent don fucked up. Donks will take the punting title however. I wouldn’t call the line shitty, but on the low edge of mediocrity, so the run game suffers.
Caveat; dis leeg is unpreDICKtable and a team gels and gets hot you never know; I just don’t think this will happen to any AFC West team this year. I still think it will be fun.
You think I have a writing style? Gosh, I’m flattered. Three for the first team, from the Wells Fargo club level WOO!
Shoulda used quotation marks.
Hey! I said it was gonna be a 7-9 to 9-7 logjam!
Super cool photo blown up in Mile High 2: Horsey Boogaloo of Von taking the ball from Cam in Superb Owl Manningbot edition. Hippo take photo of photo.
We got to go into the personal GameDay suite of Our Equine Lord and Saviour. To nobody’s surprise, he likes to watch the games alone.
On average, Donks fans consume between 600 and 700 kegs worth of beer on a regular season gameday. WOO indeed, Broncos Country.
.yeah broncos fans are crazy.
JUipter ICey moons Explorer
Wait, so you’re saying ICE is a Jewish conspiracy? The pieces FIT!!111
Nah, just a quote from the Jon Bois piece some admired here a few weeks ago. Sorry it fell flat, maybe if I had figured out how to make the quote in yellow text?
https://www.sbnation.com/2017/7/24/16003968/17776-questions-and-answers
https://www.sbnation.com/a/17776-football
Glad to see you enjoying it. I thought it was sublime.
Thought it was great. I mentioned it to my youngest Nephew a few weeks ago during vacation, he thought it was the tits and we bonded on a new level! Don’t make this weird.
Holy shit! You’re in Denver Mr. Hippo? I’m flying in tomorrow morning and I WILL be going to Coors field Saturday and Sunday. I’ll be the guy wearing Cubs gear to root for your team to lose.
What can go wrong?
Let’s grab a damn beer!
If only! I am leaving right after the baseball match. Driving oldest kid’s car back to NC.
There are sooooo many #BFIB here. Prepare your abuses, Dirt Donks!
Enjoy. Drive safe. I will forward dispatches beginning tomorrow.
I’m guessing Keenum will be better for Manny, and SWAG better for Demaryius?
/enjoy the game
Please tell me you are going to the Rockies game and not preseason football.
Rocktober is just a state of mind. One that apparently autocorrects to Rick Tibet.
Oh, if the Donks were home (3rd week OMG!!!) You’d bet I would be at that. But nae, they is at the ‘Dacteds so at Coors I shall be.
This time of year tits are usually more prevalent at the Rockies game, but which ever. Downtown and surrounding areas are close to either park.
Wait, are you going to mile high or Coors field? I’ll be at the latter one tonight.
Cool, I shall wave from Section 239!
I’ll wave back from 133
Section 143 on Saturday!
Bummer, I’m leaving tomorrow
If you get the stadium early tonight and want to grab a concourse beer, let me know. God help me, but I trust most of you weirdos. Cell is 919-616-0732 if want to shoot me a text. I”m 3 stops from Union Station now.
Expect a LOT of calls.
Something called “grindr” wants a phone # and imma use yours.
Damn. Almost.
I have a bad feeling about the AFC West this year. I foresee all teams ending up between 7-9 and 9-7.
I could see that, but the lower bounds being 6-10.
“7-9 would have been nice.”
-a Seahawks fan, come January
Nah. The Hawks need some lean years to rebuild.
You know, I can see this team going 7-9, but given their schedule, could easily become a bad 10-6 team. A lot of it comes down to how out of touch Gruden is and if Mahomes is any good.
Donks could benefit from having a miserable off year to get one last high end pick to put them over the top. Otherwise, they scream a one and done playoffs team for the foreseeable future
I see us and the Chefs alternating “one and done” honours, unless Mahomes-y takes the Great Leap Forward.
Artist’s rendition of said cute girl’s reaction:
/less cute
//even more bile in the throat
Hippo getting some in Colorado would be an awesome thing.
I could also, you know, sprout wings and fly. Equally likely. Enjoying a “Leopold Bee’s Knees” gin-based libation now (Denver Milk Market). Two Hippo thumbs up.
I got some in Colorado one time! We were there for a wedding where the priest kept getting the bride’s name wrong. Which is just as well because six months later the groom had been arrested in a Chris Hansen style sting. Anyhow, my date and I overheard some girls complaining to their friends about the “screamer” in the room next door. Which happened to be our room. What happened next? Well in Fort Collins they say, Rikki’s ego grew three sizes bigger that day.
And your partner was cool with you screaming?
He puts up with a lot.
Now we know Rikki is a screamer.