Your Saturday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

There were games played yesterday and there are observations of players to be made. Here goes:

Case Keenum was presentable. (12 of 18)

AP averaged almost 5.5 ypc. He’s old and tired though-I think he was just happy to see the field.

The Giants pass protection worked for large parts of the game. (that’s what happens when you give ol Flowers reduced responsibility) Eli went 17 of 23 but had at least three drops.

Sam Darnold looks like he might be just good enough to fall just short of Jets fans unreasonable expectations.

Gronk played all of two series and rumour has it (h/t Adele) that all of his bones are still intact. Of course, if he was injured we wouldn’t find out until the season opener.

You may want to bump Stafford up a spot or two in your fantasy rankings. The Lions D is hot garbage and the running game is an embarrassment.

TO THE GAMES!

KC/CHI:

This tilt might get ugly very early-the Bears are resting most of their starters against what should be a lively (I’m watching English soccer as I type this) KC O.

HOU/LAR:

Gurley is a no-go but Goff and Cooks will pitch and catch. Also, JJ Watt will be auditioning for his next injury.

TEN/PIT:

Steelers fans are juiced to see James Washington work as a starter with The Ben alongside wr Brown.

SF/IND:

Expect Jimmy G to have his way with the worst secondary in the league. I’ve no doubt that Old Man Gore (who now plays for Miami) will be yelling at what he thinks are clouds by the end of the game.

Well, there you have it. For any skulkers and/or commentists that took the summer off, drop by and say hello. The more the merrier.

 

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herodotus450

Went to the store today and they were out of cornmeal. Cornmeal. What are you people doing with it all?

Brick Meathook

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herodotus450

hee hee, the safety seal gets me every time

ballsofsteelandfury

The bigger question is that are YOU doing with cornmeal?

I have never purchased cornmeal in my life.

herodotus450

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Fronkenshteen

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rockingdog

One of us! One of us! Gooble Gobble!

WCS

VACATION DAY DRINKING ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

rockingdog

abahahaha

Fronkenshteen

Hard to believe Pittsburgh would give away Bubby Brister’s old number 3 just like that. smgdh

theeWeeBabySeamus

Inorite?

– Kordell Stewart

Fronkenshteen

Shit. Brister wore #6. Fail.

Brick Meathook

It’s okay Bubby Brister is funnier.

yeah right

Oh look! A bar!
Let’s investigate shall we?

yeah right

Holy fucking shit. There’s a goddamn weed store that shares a wall with this bar. I fucking love Denver!

Fronkenshteen

If a drug could be developed which instantly neutralizes the effects of THC (for driving purposes), we could have such fantastic hash bars in this country.

Fronkenshteen

How many seasons worth of goodwill did JuJu earn from Stiller fans for that vicious block on Vontaze?

Fronkenshteen

I would love to make a mountain of baked ziti for this crew. Such a nice base to drink on.

Spanky Datass

I doctored-up a leftover taco salad but alas is was small and good so I murdered it entirely with my face hole. Sorry.

Spanky Datass

Just an aside: If your taco salad is shy on taco meat, diced portabella mushrooms lightly fried in butter and doused with carne asada seasoning (and salt) makes a damn fine substitute/extender.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I went to a neighborhood barbecue that was hosted by the cops and had a hot dog. I met my councilman.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That moment when you look outside and see your elderly mother squirting lighter fluid onto a fire to try to keep it going while your 12 yr old niece looks on while waiting to cook hotdogs.
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Yes I’m serious. On my way outside now. Wish me luck.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hopefully, they’ll both still have eyebrows when I get there.

Fronkenshteen

There’s going to be a ton of shitty tackling on film for CHI & KC defensive coaches to scream about this week.

Fronkenshteen

10:11 am – The Cleveland Browns remove WR Josh Gordon from the Non-Football Injury list, clearing him for all football activity.

2:31 pm – WR Josh Gordon tweaks hamstring during conditioning drills. Cleveland Browns announce he will not participate in the Browns’ final preseason game.

theeWeeBabySeamus

4:20 pm – ahem

Mr. Ayo

From pot to meth: the Josh Gordon story.

nomonkeyfun

Would you want to play for Cleveland.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Fronkenshteen

Don’t sleep on Madeline Kahn!
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Spanky Datass

Young Elizabeth Montgomery; Saucy!
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herodotus450

I’ll pick Margaret Thatcher.
[Crickets]
Oh so none of you think power is sexy?

Brick Meathook

Is this Golda Meir or is it Lyndon Johnson in drag?
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Either way it’s Hot! Hot! Hot!

Wakezilla

Calgarians, nice people, OK drivers, but can’t park for shit. I’ve already witnessed 2 hit and runs and 1 car accident, all involving parking a car

Wakezilla

So, what can Oakland expect to get if they decide to trade Mack away? Given the cap and his talent, it must be almost impossible to trade a player of his caliber

Fronkenshteen

Is trading for picks a way to circumvent the cap issue?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I couldn’t see them doing it for anything other than two first-round picks plus change. And it would have to be a shitty team, too, not like the Patriots or something whose first-round picks are basically second-rounders.

herodotus450

Remember when China’s Prime Minister/President/Whatever decided there would be no need for further elections and effectively made himself dictator for life?

Wakezilla

If he believes in dynastic rule, he’s going to be very disappointed in what should happen to the Communist dynasty, assuming 2500 years of history remains consistent

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think that the next time I’m in California, I’m going to try to get Jaime Pressly to marry me.
And by that, I totally don’t mean I’m gonna stalk her. Well, not again, anyway.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

NC native plus she gotz that sweet sweet sitcom moneh!!!!
She’s perfect for me.

theeWeeBabySeamus

But yeah, nice tushy too.

herodotus450

Duquesne plays UMass to kick off college football, on something called the Eleven network, at 430 DFO time

yeah right

Greetings from Denver! It’s fucking warm out there.

theeWeeBabySeamus

WhyTF is everybody in Denver this weekend?

Brick Meathook

You’re not in Denver?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I wasn’t invited.
Plus, I’m not allowed back in Denver.
This seems not terribly coincidental maybe.

/books flight to Boulder

Fuck you guys.
😛

Mr. Ayo

Be very, very quiet. We’re hunting Moose.

yeah right

Rocks and Cards tonight.

Fronkenshteen

Anyone have any insight into why Kerryon Johnson was an an afterthought in the Liouns gameplan last night? Does he already have the starting job so locked up that they rested him, or is Detroit really going with a Blount/Riddick/Abdullah 3-headed committee?

Fronkenshteen

[deploys patented smoke bomb at own feet]

[vanishes]

/ yes, he looked very good vs OAK
https://youtu.be/oeDa4UagrYs

Fronkenshteen

My money league is 4 keepers and individual defensive players (which I voted against), and our bench is as long as our goddamn roster, so half the talent in the league rots on the benches. So I’m forced to figure things out early and take chances. I landed Zeke, but anyone would’ve grabbed him. I’m holding out hope on Joe Mixon, because I’ve seen how well he caught passes in teh college. Evan Silva of Rotoworld made the point that RBBCs make your offense predictable, and I agree. If you have a 3-down back, you should develop him, and that’s why I was surprised to see them fucking around with Blount and Abdullah last night. But you’re right, ultimately it’ll make it easier to get him, since now NOBODY will be talking about him before our draft.

Game Time Decision

yes

nomonkeyfun

Players seem a bit fuzzy

[Insert Trent Green joke here.]

/Exceprt from the commentist manual.

Fronkenshteen

Hyde to Cleveland and McKinnon to SF both surprised me.

herodotus450

Did you guys know General Franco is no longer in charge of Cuba?

nomonkeyfun

Of course Kate MacKinnon went to SF. She likes other girls.

Fronkenshteen

Dammit. I wanted to see what Anthony Miller and Trey Burton look like vs the KC ones.

blaxabbath

FIRST!