Your “I’ll Be Honest-I’m Hoping For a Travesty Here” Sunday Night Football Open Thread

You know, the good kind of travesty whereby extraordinary misfortune befalls the easily-hateable team that has experienced so much success. The one that has had the benefit of iffy ref calls for more than a decade now. The team that has an owner that has more than doubled his significant wealth due to the hiring of a coach and the drafting of a certain qb in the sixth round on a bit of a flyer.

Yeah, that team. The one that has fans that couldn’t tell you who Steve Grogan or Andre Tippett is/was. They don’t even acknowledge the Super Bowl that Parcells took them to. “Affient bistory”, they say in their drunken, garbled tongue. That’s the fan base that doesn’t acknowledge players that have been cast aside and have ended up on other teams. “They didn’t play THE PATRIOT WAY-I hope they took the first segregated bus out of town after they was cut!”, they screech.

It’s the team that has bent the rules as far as they’ll go and have only been punished a handful of times. Logic dictates to me that they’ve been able to squash a few revealments of other wrong-doings with a wadful of cash here and a plutonium tea there. “Oh, that assistant strength coach that was booted out of the Boy Scouts for reasons unknown? His steroids weren’t replaced by insulin. No sir!”* [runs out of breath]

TO… THEGAME! [wheezes]

KC/NE:

Do what you do, Patreek Le Freek.

 

And you guys can do what you do as well

 

*may not have occurred but I’m not ruling it out completely

 

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Patriots better build a decent lead; Mahomes isn’t going to keep missing these throws.

King Hippo

yeah, this ain’t on Andy. I like his half of the chess match so far.

King Hippo

Mahomes-y just missed a throw on the first drive, then made one inexcusably awful read.

Mr. Ayo

He just missed that one too.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Stop that KHunt!!!!!

Oh shit, I yelled that out loud.

Mr. Ayo

What did your mom say now?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think she’s asleep downstairs.
I hope so, anyway, or Imma get a whuppin’.

King Hippo

good, adaptive playcalling. I feel like Fat Andy is up to the challenge.

herodotus450

Pretty insensitive of the Pats to be putting Sony Michel out there when a hurricane of a similar name just ravaged the country.

LemonJello

Hopefully they’ll have Vic Romano and Kenny Blankenship do the play-by-play of Rock’s Titan Games.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Working Out: The TV Show.

LemonJello

CrossFit: The Show?

Old School Zero

I was at a bar a few months ago and they were airing some sort of CrossFit games thing. It was so dumb looking; like an extremely boring American Ninja Warrior.

King Hippo

was there a drinking game based on “bruh” utterances?

Old School Zero

That sounds lethal. Thankfully, the sound wasn’t on. But there was some sort of military tie in to the whole thing, so it likely would have been extra obnoxious.

yeah right

They’ve got a boot camp thing at my gym that’s way too early for me to consider but the folks who go are some fit motherfuckers.

My knees just started hurting thinking about it.

Gratliff

My aunt and uncle went into crossfit a few years ago as a mutual midlife crisis thing. A few years into the program, he looks about the same, and she looks like someone who should be married to someone who looks better than he does.

Old School Zero

CrossFuck aka Swinging

Gratliff

At least that’s what their browser history showed.

yeah right

I dig the unhappy wife element at the gym.
And yoga pants.

Game Time Decision

I only want to see the outtakes from that show

Gratliff

Oh, this is gonna suck

King Hippo

Dunno what he was looking at, dude was blanketed even w/o LB dropping back for pickerception.

herodotus450

Pats enforce squatters rights, take over Mahomes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You just got FORECLOSED!

blaxabbath

Wow – so Arizona is floating CB Peterson for picks.

This franchise hasn’t a fucking clue what they’re doing — but they know a stud CB isn’t part of those plans.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Uh-oh, they came up with a new stat to impress us with.

Also, Hightower-ception!

Old School Zero

Let’s see if this’ll post… Check out ma dogs!
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Old School Zero

Okay, not quite, but it’ll get you there.

Gratliff

Yeah, dropbox doesn’t fuck with linking like that

Old School Zero

I didn’t think so, but I’m a rebel, Dottie.

Mr. Ayo

Puppies!

LemonJello

Those are some good looking puppers.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Mahomes Invasion?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

YOINK!

Mr. Ayo

Sub prime Mahomes has arrived.

herodotus450

Gostkowski might be the most irritating part about the Pats. Some Div-II guy they pulled out of nowhere and he turns into the most accurate kicker of all time?

yeah right

Memphis Tigers yo!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Right? It’s pretty compelling evidence that Belichick did, in fact, do a deal with Satan.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One of the most frustrating things about the Patriots is how competent they are. If the ball hits them in the hands, they’ll catch it. If it’s a moderate length field goal, they’ll make it.

King Hippo

Also, OF COURSE Dreamboat picked this week to go all anti-Semite on me.

King Hippo

FG-kakke!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m serious. Two straight yrs of having Brady as my starting QB and having to root for him is beginning to take its toll.

I need a drank. And some weed. Maybe some meth and an 8 ball or two.

LemonJello

Let’s all welcome Lawrence Taylor to [DFO] everybody!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Heheheh…..Dick Crum.
Google him.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like buying ingredients for carrot cake was a mistake, because within an hour I expect Dr. Mrs. Deadly to start doing her imitation of this guy from Creepshow.
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Gratliff

Will you be bashing her head in with a marble ashtray as well?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Uh, was the moral of the story lost on you? Killing someone doesn’t take away their desire for cake. If anything it makes it worse.

Old School Zero

When I come back as a zombie I will only crave cake and pie (a la mode both, I’m fancy)

King Hippo

Gronk bullies ref into bullshit flag, Hippo takes another pill.

/FACK YOU LIVER

Old School Zero

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I’m a Chefs fan now.

yeah right

OSZ!

Old School Zero

OSZ? yeahhhhh riiiiiiight…

Er, I mean, YEAH RIGHT! WASSUP!

litre_cola

You dust off the ole Texas Instruments TRS 80 for tonight?

Old School Zero

I hacked in using my Apple Newton

yeah right

Living well and relaxing after an easy early game.

How’s life in the greater Pacific Northwest my brother?

Old School Zero

Excellent! I’ve seen some of your continuing culinary excellence.
I’m now married and while we said goodbye to two good old dogs last year (and one awesome cat this year) we now have two new good dogs and excellent fall weather right now. Can’t complain too much!

yeah right

We’re going to be doing Halloween stories again.
You’re input would be fantastic.

Old School Zero

I do love adding to the spooky fare… and I’ve been full of horror fun this year, so I will work on something for this year.

I’m going to an all-night classic horror movie marathon (four mystery movies) at a local theater later this month. CAN’T WAIT.

King Hippo

Disappointing BOLTMAN! Mahomes-y Don’t Play That!!

/even us Donks folk reluctantly admire him, he cool as fuck

//this generation’s Billy Dee Williams?

Old School Zero

Hey, if they’re gonna Los Angeles me into giving up, they may as well put some sweet BBQ sauce on those ribs and put some bacon in the greens and some green chiles in the mac and cheese and holy shit I think I’m hungry

King Hippo

STOMP STOMP CLAP!

/until the last Spanoi is ded

LemonJello

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Old School Zero

I may actually be drinking Schmitt’s Gay

(is actually drinking something called an Oatmeal Pale Ale by Three Magnets)

blaxabbath

Hello OSZ

Old School Zero

How YOU doin’, blax?

King Hippo

Litre, as my old boss told me, Dad solo parenting is easy. “My job is to return the baby to you alive. It might not be as clean as when you left, or eaten exactly what you wanted, but the child is alive, I DID MY JOB.”

King Hippo

and yes, I could see him saying exactly that to his wife before her bidness trip. He was a hilariously weird dude. The guy who got me playing fantasy like 18-19 years ago.

litre_cola

Perfect. I got 20 mins til his bed time then its smokes and wine for me!

Gratliff

It’d be interesting to go back to the 50’s and such and see if men were truly as bad at parenting as it sounds like. Not everyone is necessarily good at it, but you about have to actively try to be bad at taking care of kids.

King Hippo

I got great comfort from the “just imagine how many crackheads have kids, and most of them don’t manage to actually KILL ’em or anything” thought.

NOTE – it will not be considered amusing if you share this thought with one’s spouse.

Gratliff

Especially considering that she occasionally has to go revive and/or declare actual crackheads while trying to console their kids. We’ve actually talked about fostering because of experiences like that, but I don’t know how well either of us would handle letting them go or seeing their shithead parents. She has a coworker that does it because he saw it happen and wanted to do something about it, and it fucked him up to the point that he’s basically become like a robot when it comes to the kids so he doesn’t get too attached to them.

King Hippo

goddamnit, Mahomes-y, that was wide open!!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Ian Kinsler is ass.

King Hippo

Hey now, Gerrit Cole s’posed to be good. Who got to him??

Mr. Ayo

That was less than ideal.

King Hippo

Hate that stupid ballpark.

litre_cola

What the fuck? I am switching between both while watching a lunatic toddler pester a Mexican pug. I don’t have time for this Cole.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Prediction: Chiefs pull off the upset win here today and cruise to the #1 seed; Patriots come into the playoffs as the #4 seed and beat the Chiefs in Arrowhead in the divisional round.

herodotus450

Ok but where does Bernard Pollard fit into it?

King Hippo

promising start!

herodotus450

Good to see Ron Parker is back on the field after that tragic tape library accident back in ’04.

litre_cola

Is that the same guy that ain’t afraid of no ghost?

King Hippo

Sony Michel is legitimately good. Like Bama with an actual QB, this is unsettling.

herodotus450

It’s like every team talks about how runningbacks are only good for a few years and you should never sign one to a long term deal, but the Pats actually act on that idea.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Raiders have done that, sort of. At least the part about running backs not being good.

King Hippo

But I am starting to get on board with drafting one, while there is still tread on the tires.

yeah right

Exactly. Their rookie contract is their last contract.

LemonJello

It’s hard to understand Al and Cris with all those P*triot balls in their mouths.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I like that they omit Andy Reid’s playoff record.

litre_cola

I am dadd-ing solo for 2 days. Bleergh help me.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shall we call CPS now, or do you want to actually try?

litre_cola

Never too young to learn how to roll for Daddy.

theeWeeBabySeamus

/might have recently used that same phrase
//it meant something different
///I hope

Game Time Decision

*cough* NyQuil *cough*

/ kidding
//bad pun
/// you’ll be fine. Just tired

litre_cola

Hai! I am here for the David Price jokes.

Mr. Ayo

Can I get a Price check on brooms?

King Hippo

as much grave dancin’ as they is, I expected better than 2-4 when I checked teh score. NO SMIRE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

Thats a twist on Animal Farm.

Game Time Decision

The price is wrong, bitch
-Bob Barker

King Hippo

I just need JEWKAH to have a monstah night, Kelce to do fuckall (preferably get ejected immediately), but the Chefs still win. That’s TOTES plausible, yeah?

LemonJello

No mention of Brady getting killed on live, national tv?

2/10

King Hippo

hey, I’d save a prayer for some of y’all other folk

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

A little pre-game muzak so you can look at Carrie Underwood’s legs without having to hear her sing.
(shut up, Ayo)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bbs_yptWZk

King Hippo

again, she is NAWT FAITH HILL in every possible way to me. I say NAY!

Mr. Ayo

There’s a discounted Price on runs in Fenway tonight!

King Hippo

Please tell Hippo that Dirt 500s shall sweep the Dirt P*ts.

Mr. Ayo

It’s in play. That’s asking a lot though.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Houston is the better team. Boston benefited from playing Baltimore more often. No I’m not joking.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Game Time Decision

Was there a nickname picked for Mahomes?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Personally I’m a fan of No Mahomo and Better Mahomes and Gardens.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Stupid bitch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, ain’t we hostile.

King Hippo

DAMN STRAIGHT!!!

King Hippo

ah mean, the only thing that can salvage my weekend A LITTLE is the goddamned Chefs going to 6-0!!

Mr. Ayo

Better Mahomes and Gardens should win.

Game Time Decision

Yep it’s got my vote

Spanky Datass

Can we shorten it to BMaG?

blaxabbath

I think everyone should just whatever they like. Mahomes (the word, not the man) is just too not-good-enough for any one nickname.

Game Time Decision

What’s with the sensible and compromising solution. It’s like you don’t even know us

theeWeeBabySeamus

I was partial to “Don’t Foreclose on Mahomes”.

Mr. Ayo

Mahomes don’t play that!

King Hippo

Mahomes-y Don’t Play That! is what I’m going with as his catch phrase.

Mr. Ayo

That works better.

herodotus450

Sub-prime Mahomes?

Spanky Datass

Mahomes-slice.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If he beats the P*ts; WHAT UP MAHOMES!?

LemonJello

Old Folks Mahomes?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

“This is the water and this is the well. Drink full and descend. The horse is the white of the eyes, and dark within.”

Mr. Ayo

Dirt 500s!

Gratliff

Coincidentally, “What’s in the box?” is also the question that got Morgan Freeman #metoo’d

Spanky Datass

Women in Corona commercials are purrrrrrty … I think I’ll pour one down my pants.

Senor Weaselo

I don’t think that’s how the party in your pants gets better, but that might be how you get a yeast infection?
/I learned from my roommate never pour honey all over yourself for funtimes with your person. It ends badly for all parties involved.

Spanky Datass

Understood. I think I’ll switch to pouring Corona girls down my pants. Willing and eager ladies only, of course.

Spanky Datass

Also, high quality olive oil is a no no as well.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We make lots of jokes about how hipstery Silver Lake is, but man, it really does a splendid job of justifying the stereotype.

herodotus450

A lake made of silver? Must be Ag-gravating.

Gratliff

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LemonJello

Worst Papa Smurf cosplay I’ve ever seen.

Spanky Datass

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Mr. Ayo

Ah, just what this show was missing. Chris Fucking Sims.

Gratliff

Here we see Bellichick reviewing the rules with an official:comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

If the rest of my players have career games, and Litre’s only remaining player (KHunt) gets eaten by Andy Reid pre-game, then I can win.

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GET 21 PTS OUT OF YOUR DEFENSE, LITRE????? YES I’M PISSED ABOUT THAT!!!!!

(not really pissed, but still, that sucks)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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