[Banner via Dave Rappoccio @DrawPlayDave]

The season was promising for Tennessee. The Titans had a solid offensive line, decent young receivers with promise, OK defense with quality pass rushing prospects, and had a top secondary that seemed improved by CB Malcolm Butler. At RB, runaway tank Derrick Henry would be complemented by slippery Dion Lewis, and the anachronic offensive stylings of head coach Mike Mularkey and OC Terry Robiskie were excised in favor of new head dude Mike Vrabel plus OC Matt LaFleur (formerly of RRRAAAMMM IT). All that, plus a healthy Marcus Mariota, top-4 TE Delanie Walker, and a weak AFC…

All I’m saying is that stuff was in place for improving last year’s 10-8 record. The current reality is that TEN has a 3-4 record that looks much better than the game play. This season has been a total bummer, the kind that requires introspection, acceptance, and the steady hand of scientific medicine—in short, a weed card, to treat several emerging conditions:

_X_ Anxiety – The season opener at Miami, delayed by weather, was the longest game in NFL history. The loss was tolerable. On the soul-crushing side, TE Delanie Walker was lost for the season and Mariota suffered an elbow injury that made numb half of his throwing hand. Oh, and TEN was thoroughly jobbed by officials.

https://twitter.com/titansfilmroom/status/1038931441567129600?s=20

_X_ Intestinal Inflammation Disease – Fried food and pork intolerance wrought by watching Blaine Gabbert play in official, non-preseason gameS.

_X_ Glaucoma – Being only able to see pluck and a 2-1 record after wins against the Texans and Jags, blind to the fact that scoring touchdowns required waaaay too much gimmickry and luck.

_X_ Bipolar disorder – How ‘bout some RESPEK you fucking assholes! Eagles suck!! 3-1 WOOOO!!! Why oh why can’t real life be this joyous?!?! [turns off all lights, cranks up The Clash, laughs, cries, rips polo shirt]

We just lost to the f*cking Titans after leading 17-3 in the second half.

The Titans.

I want to die.

— Eagles Fan Central (@EagleFanCentral) September 30, 2018

_X_  Autism – TEN (3-2) 12 – 13 BUF (2-3). 5 offensive TDs in 5 games. 5 offensive TDs in 5 games. 5 offensive TDs in 5 games. 5 offensive TDs in 5 games.  5 offensive TDs in 5 games. 5 offensive TDs in 5 games. 5 offensive TDs in 5 games. 5 offensive TDs in 5 games.

___ Anorexia –   Me? ?? Yeah right!  ??? [pats belly] ???

_X_ Depression – ?? I’M FAT AND THIS TEAM SUCKS! 21-0 at home was the worst beatdown of the titans I’ve seen. AND BY THE FUCKING RAVENS JESUS CHRIST 11 SACKS GIVEN UP. I hate everything. I only pray for hemlock to salve these wounds or, in the alternative… How ‘bout, I dunno, scoring 20 FUCKING POINTS on Real Chargers FC in London onWeek 7. No Melvin Gordon!

_X_  Migraine – Titans lose 19-20, and stand at 3-4.

In short, I’m sick. I can’t go against the mounting evidence, much less challenge science: weed cannabis is the alternative. The promise of improvement in health prompted getting a dose and evaluating the team. Here are my findings:

Sleepiness – This offense… Close to unwatchable, if not for the odd Mariota scramble, or Dion Lewis getting first downs out of NUTHIN.

Mild Confusion – The starting offensive line was supposed to be a strength, but the unit has looked better playing with subs. Derrick Henry’s ineffective. Also, Belichick leaving out Butler from the Super Bowl for competitive reasons… It’s starting to ring true. The price-y cornerback has been picked on more than the waiting staff at a douchebag soirée.

Inflated Sense of Self – Oh man, “Dark Side of the Moon”… Ponderous AF! ?? #SorryNotSorry

Sudden Spikes of Emotion – HE DROPPED IT

Through 5 weeks, the #Titans pass catchers have routinely let down quarterback Marcus Mariota with costly drops on third down, downfield, and in the end zone. Now presenting… a #TitansDropThread pic.twitter.com/voU0G0fL4V

— Justin Graver (@titansfilmroom) October 7, 2018

???

Welp, sadly continuing this thread… Week 7: Mariota does an excellent job stepping up in the pocket to avoid the rush and delivers a perfect strike over the LB, hitting Taywan Taylor in stride. Ball bounces out of his chest/hands. Horrible catching technique. #TitansDropThread pic.twitter.com/6967F7qJWQ

— Justin Graver (@titansfilmroom) October 26, 2018

Impaired Depth Perception – I’m OK with Taywan Taylor being WR2, and Luke Stocker and Jonnu Smith as TE1 and TE2,

Topical Fixation – BUT THEY ALL GOT MEATLOAF HANDS

Flights of Optimism – Overall, the Tennessee defense is very good. They don’t allow many TDs after turnovers and don’t have a clear weak spot. The DL is good (Jurrel Casey has dominated), the linebacker rotation is deep with many good young guys (Jayon Brown, Harold Landry, Kamalei Correa, Rashaan Evans), and the secondary should improve. Sure, the Real Chargers got two TDs on blown coverages, but giving up only 20 to them is a good outing in itself.

Highness – Marcus Mariota is the only quarterback I want. If they don’t sign him long term, I might quit following Tennessee for good. The guy’s a professional who’s had three offensive coordinators in four years and subpar receiving talent, and he never bitches about anything. Which is especially impressive considering that he’s played hurt a good chunk of the last two years. His stats will never be showy, but he gets the team to wins. Know who else was like that? Steve McNair. Mariota’s got a better stiff arm,

Bummers – but will never have McNair’s durability. Mariota has missed games every season due to injury. Since Week 1 this year, he’s been throwing the ball JPP-style, because he has no feeling in two fingers. And yet, overall, Mariota’s passing numbers have been declining since a peak in mid-2016. And, this year, Mariota has appeared to be more gun-shy, and the first Red Zone INT of his career (a coupla weeks ago), was a terrible decision.

Hunger – Tennessee is riding a 9-0 streak in divisional games. The Titans have remaining two games against the Colts, plus @ HOU on MNF Week 12, and the return of the original TNF clásico: Jags @ Tits on Week 14. I don’t think TEN will lay down in any of those. Counterpoint: Blaine Gabbert may be involved because the TEN front office (and most fans) are a buncha goddamn cowards who treat Kaep as a non-entity.

Incoherence – Playing on MNF after the bye @Dallas will give TEN a fresh start with a win against a quality opponent. On Week 10, the P*ts offense will be a terrible match for the TEN defense, and that win at home will spark a historic run of 17-16 Tit wins that will decrease massively the interest in the NFL—a decline that, by that time, will be celebrated lustily by nativist moerons trounced at the midterm elections by a massive outpouring at the polls of decent folks tired of misogyny and other despicable discrimination through the most effective means for change: participation in the electoral process.

Christ. This herb is The Bawmb.

Predicción: I will care, but not enough to destroy my belongings.