Your “Blowouts As Far As The Eye Can See” Sunday Morning NFL Football Open Thread

If you feel like chatting about the Chelsea/Everton tilt whilst we wait for the good stuff, go on ahead. There’s also a Rugby World Cup qualifying match taking place between Canada and Kenya that’s being played in Marseille, France. I don’t have a clue whether it’s live, a replay from five days ago or a vision from the near future! All I know is that I could really go for a big bowl of roasted cauliflower ears right now…

TO THE GAMES!

Lions/Bears:

I kinda want the Lions to eke this one out just so that the NFC North maintains its morass status. A stat that breaths life into this prospect? Them Detroiters are 9-1 vs. Chicago the last five times they’ve played. (I’ll get the hang of this ‘math’ someday, you just watch!) Also the Bears 5-3 includes wins over a head-in-ass Seahawks team early in the season as well as the Bills, Bucs, Jets and Cards. Woof!

Saints/Bengals:

I don’t think you could get a higher score in this game if you tossed 3 or 4 footballs out onto the field and announced, “We’re playing flag football today, gents!” Sure, the Bengalis are down AJ Green but a certain Tyler Boyd has a nose for the six pointer and the Saints D doesn’t play well with barely competent qb’s.

Falcons/Browns:

ATL grabbed Bruce Irvin so that their miserable record of pressuring qb’s could be slightly altered. Barring some wacked-out weather the Falcons should put up a number of points on a Browns D that long ago gave up that whole “stopping other teams” bullshit.

Pats/Titans:

Michel? In. Gronk? Out. It won’t matter much one way or another because Bad Bill Bellichick has a tendency to take former coaches out behind the henhouse and give them a sound beating. HE KNOWS ALL YOUR STUPID TENDENCIES, YOU PUTZ! Mike Vrabel is the next man up.

Jags/Colts:

Little Red Fournette is finally back! The chants of “Anyone But Bortles!” grow louder and louder. Helping to exacerbate his demise, the top thinkers have installed Wrecked Flowers as a starter on the O-line. Jacktown’s D is just fine, rated #2 in total defence and #8 in points allowed. It’s just that they’re on for far too long and have been put in short-field spots on the reg due to Bortlemajik.

Cards/Chiefs:

One day football fan parents, completely fed-up with their child’s behavior will yell, “I will beat you harder than Kansas City beat Arizona on Remembrance Day in 2018!”

Bills/Jets:

The starting qb’s in the “So It’s Come To This Bowl” are Matt Barkley and Josh McCown.

Potato Skins/Bucs:

The Bucs can get to within one game of the treasured .500 mark by ambushing the severely beaten up Skins. [begins singing ‘Fair Harvard’]

Don’t forget to take off your raspberry beret at 11:11.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[Mahomes thows a wobbly pass just at the edge of his receiver’s reach]

ANNOUNCER: He’s gotta help his quarterback out and make that catch there.

fleshwound_NPG

the implosion of the jaguras is nearly complete

Wakezilla

Why the hell aren’t they flexing out the Iggles/Cowboys game? There are more than one compelling afternoon games that could replace it.

fleshwound_NPG

there are a LOT of dumb cowboys fans driving up tv ratings

Viva La Tabula Raza

As well as those who cheer for them to lose.

Gratliff

Jerry’s on-screen death deserves a national audience

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t understand why they are showing the Chiefs-Cardinals game here in LA. This was never going to be an interesting game.

Senor Weaselo

First down on a 4th and 1? We can’t have that, here’s three holds on the same play and then a McCown pick.

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This was supposed to be a cat with a spoon on its head by it won’t post

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I’m hesitant to defend Trubisky because of the years of misery I got from Jay Cutler apologia, but it seems the Meatballs are embracing him even if they can’t pronounce his name right.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Heard a lot of Trubitsky today

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My people love unnecessary consonants because we’ve spend too much time around the Poles.

Wakezilla

Jay wasn’t theirs in the sense he wasn’t a draft pick. Then Urlacher criticized him in the first year and Jay was done, despite having a better shot of not getting sacked by an o-line of nothing but DFOers

rockingdog

BARK BARK BARK! BARKLEYYYYYYY TD for Bills!
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Bears…

…good?

fleshwound_NPG

i’m nervous, too

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Cardinals pass rush actually doing a pretty good job getting to Mahomes.

Gratliff

lol chop block at the end

fleshwound_NPG

Dolts almost scored the ultra rare XP block score

rockingdog

shit. whos got two thumbs and dropped TE eric ebron in exchange for jack doyle on thursday?
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The Cubs play-by-play man is trolling Bears fans lol

https://mobile.twitter.com/LenKasper/status/1061692914080845825

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Do you think the Kansas City punter bothers going to the games, or just gets someone like Travis Kelce to punch his timesheets for him?

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Go you derpy Titanias, go!comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It is extremely distressing to me that a large segment of the population believes that the criminal justice system works exactly the same way it is presented on CBS.

herodotus450

It’s not that large a segment, just the segment that doesn’t know how to get out of jury duty…

Redshirt

Refs, just because Drew Brees threw an incomplete pass doesn’t mean a defensive foul was committed.

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lol all these DOINKS

rockingdog

matt BARKley looking good for the bills!!!!
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Good dog

Redshirt

Roughing the Punter is now legal.

JustStopDude

The Browns just epic derped.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Now that Hue is gone it would be nice to see the Browns turn things around.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Even though I know they won’t.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s a rare sunnyish day here in CT, so as much as I am enjoying the P*ts getting beaten like a drum I a) know this isn’t going to last and b) would like to get some of that sun before those fucking farmers fuck me in the ass with their “Daylight Savings Time” and “Ethanol Subsidies”.

Later, taters.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Patriots are just fucking with me by teasing the potential of a 1-4 matchup against the Chiefs in the divisional round.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Tits now at 75% win probability against NE.

King Hippo

which is the siren call to live bet the P*ts

ArmedandHammered

Let me know when he has 9/11, then we’ll talk- Pete Carrol

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I guess the refs picked up the clipping flag because the defender wasn’t wearing a Patriots uniform?

Senor Weaselo

All I’m experiencing from this Jets game is “Oh, the bye week post better be good.” And also I should get dressed for my gig which is the bonus of not watching this shitshow.

ArmedandHammered

THIS MARK INGRAM I CALL HIM THE NINJA BLENDER BECAUSE HE SPINS AND CUTS THE BENGALS DEFENSE TO SHREDS!

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Bad news, folks. I’m starting to believe the Bears are… good.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It makes me uncomfortable too.

Horatio Cornblower

“Take two of these* and wait until January; that feeling should clear up then.”

*beers

ArmedandHammered

That was the Jetiest way to give up a touchdown I have ever seen.

rockingdog

bahahaha!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No it wasn’t.
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ArmedandHammered

I was not lucky to see that live. That and never seeing Led Zep in concert are too of my biggest regrets.

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The Human Thumbs are starting to get it!

ArmedandHammered

Did they have to have the KC assistant coach dress in green so Andy Reid wouldn’t eat him?

King Hippo

BANNER nominee

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“WHY CAN’T I WAKE UP!” – Andy Reid finding himself living his nightmare of being surrounded by salad people.

Horatio Cornblower

“Ugh don haf nuffin gains pesso”*
-Andy Reid, explaining that he has nothing against pesto while shoveling a chicken-and-pasta dish down his gaping maw.

Redshirt

It takes every active player on the Offensive Roster to replace AJ Green, including the Backup QB. Sounds about right.

Horatio Cornblower

I would have liked to see Tennessee take the PI penalty and then run it in from the one, just to be assholes about it.

...

As Trubisky nails accurate pass after accurate pass, I have to stifle the urge to scream “Accuracy isn’t his problem, you thumb people! It’s the number of snaps he’s taken above the high school level!” to everyone surprised his passes are accurate.

King Hippo

/and the functional illiteracy

Horatio Cornblower

Functionallyilliterate!? Whoa. Somebody got an MBA from UNC!

King Hippo

Tits and Bungles, needed to put RRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! and Chefs back into homefield advantage pole position

Horatio Cornblower

I see Tennessee is doing the “tease them until the point of blueballs” things against the P*ts.

Welp, only one thing to do…
/unzips pants

King Hippo

hey, y’all salvaged a point against Wolves!

Horatio Cornblower

/pants fly off

Horatio Cornblower

And congrats on your point against Chelsea. I was gloating about Mourhino getting beat 3-1. although I don’t like rooting against Bog Rom.

Redshirt

WTF are you doing, Bengals?!

Okay…its worked.

King Hippo

fucking me out of my BeatieDOWN, that’s what

Horatio Cornblower

I started Red Rocket over Aaron Rodgers and his retarded coach, so I needed that.

ArmedandHammered

BMDown.

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I’m amongst my rotund meatball people for today’s game. If you hear about a horrible set of beer-related murders tonight, please behin a GoFundMe to pay my lawyer.

King Hippo

are YOUR ppls speaking of The Prophecy??

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Only if it involves the word “Trubinsky”

fleshwound_NPG

i wake up just in time to see jaguras do jaguras things

fleshwound_NPG

Dolts: “hold our gravy”

King Hippo

JohnsonDOWN WOO!!!!

King Hippo

actually a nice throw too

Redshirt

I think the Saints got away with that one. The ball didn’t touch the ground, but he hit out of bounds before he got possession. Oh well.

King Hippo

SIGH. You had ONE JOB, Tits! – Aging stripper

BrettFavresColonoscopy

In honor of the Bears doinking an XP, can someone post that are you the GB kicker application image?

King Hippo

are ppls speaking of The Prophecy?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Nope

King Hippo

SAD HIPPO

King Hippo

YES! Let ths be a Leonard Cohen week, hallelujah.

rockingdog

shady mccoy getting it done!!!

hahahaha buffalo has a lead for the first time in 1 month!!!!

King Hippo

hey, at least the P*ts briefly trailed this week

rockingdog

heres hoping this turns into a shootout!!!!
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King Hippo

THANKS JEST D/ST