If you feel like chatting about the Chelsea/Everton tilt whilst we wait for the good stuff, go on ahead. There’s also a Rugby World Cup qualifying match taking place between Canada and Kenya that’s being played in Marseille, France. I don’t have a clue whether it’s live, a replay from five days ago or a vision from the near future! All I know is that I could really go for a big bowl of roasted cauliflower ears right now…
TO THE GAMES!
Lions/Bears:
I kinda want the Lions to eke this one out just so that the NFC North maintains its morass status. A stat that breaths life into this prospect? Them Detroiters are 9-1 vs. Chicago the last five times they’ve played. (I’ll get the hang of this ‘math’ someday, you just watch!) Also the Bears 5-3 includes wins over a head-in-ass Seahawks team early in the season as well as the Bills, Bucs, Jets and Cards. Woof!
Saints/Bengals:
I don’t think you could get a higher score in this game if you tossed 3 or 4 footballs out onto the field and announced, “We’re playing flag football today, gents!” Sure, the Bengalis are down AJ Green but a certain Tyler Boyd has a nose for the six pointer and the Saints D doesn’t play well with barely competent qb’s.
Falcons/Browns:
ATL grabbed Bruce Irvin so that their miserable record of pressuring qb’s could be slightly altered. Barring some wacked-out weather the Falcons should put up a number of points on a Browns D that long ago gave up that whole “stopping other teams” bullshit.
Pats/Titans:
Michel? In. Gronk? Out. It won’t matter much one way or another because Bad Bill Bellichick has a tendency to take former coaches out behind the henhouse and give them a sound beating. HE KNOWS ALL YOUR STUPID TENDENCIES, YOU PUTZ! Mike Vrabel is the next man up.
Jags/Colts:
Little Red Fournette is finally back! The chants of “Anyone But Bortles!” grow louder and louder. Helping to exacerbate his demise, the top thinkers have installed Wrecked Flowers as a starter on the O-line. Jacktown’s D is just fine, rated #2 in total defence and #8 in points allowed. It’s just that they’re on for far too long and have been put in short-field spots on the reg due to Bortlemajik.
Cards/Chiefs:
One day football fan parents, completely fed-up with their child’s behavior will yell, “I will beat you harder than Kansas City beat Arizona on Remembrance Day in 2018!”
Bills/Jets:
The starting qb’s in the “So It’s Come To This Bowl” are Matt Barkley and Josh McCown.
Potato Skins/Bucs:
The Bucs can get to within one game of the treasured .500 mark by ambushing the severely beaten up Skins. [begins singing ‘Fair Harvard’]
Don’t forget to take off your raspberry beret at 11:11.
[Mahomes thows a wobbly pass just at the edge of his receiver’s reach]
ANNOUNCER: He’s gotta help his quarterback out and make that catch there.
the implosion of the jaguras is nearly complete
Why the hell aren’t they flexing out the Iggles/Cowboys game? There are more than one compelling afternoon games that could replace it.
there are a LOT of dumb cowboys fans driving up tv ratings
As well as those who cheer for them to lose.
Jerry’s on-screen death deserves a national audience
I don’t understand why they are showing the Chiefs-Cardinals game here in LA. This was never going to be an interesting game.
First down on a 4th and 1? We can’t have that, here’s three holds on the same play and then a McCown pick.
This was supposed to be a cat with a spoon on its head by it won’t post
I’m hesitant to defend Trubisky because of the years of misery I got from Jay Cutler apologia, but it seems the Meatballs are embracing him even if they can’t pronounce his name right.
Heard a lot of Trubitsky today
My people love unnecessary consonants because we’ve spend too much time around the Poles.
Jay wasn’t theirs in the sense he wasn’t a draft pick. Then Urlacher criticized him in the first year and Jay was done, despite having a better shot of not getting sacked by an o-line of nothing but DFOers
BARK BARK BARK! BARKLEYYYYYYY TD for Bills!
Bears…
…
…
…good?
If you say it enough times…
i’m nervous, too
Not Better Mahomes and Gardens sacked 3 times already.
Not like it matters…
Cardinals pass rush actually doing a pretty good job getting to Mahomes.
lol chop block at the end
Dolts almost scored the ultra rare XP block score
shit. whos got two thumbs and dropped TE eric ebron in exchange for jack doyle on thursday?
The Cubs play-by-play man is trolling Bears fans lol
https://mobile.twitter.com/LenKasper/status/1061692914080845825
Tyreek is the alternate timeline Devin Hester that bothered to put in some work at running routes.
Do you think the Kansas City punter bothers going to the games, or just gets someone like Travis Kelce to punch his timesheets for him?
Go you derpy Titanias, go!
Would pick a gummy bear off her ass. 8/10
It is extremely distressing to me that a large segment of the population believes that the criminal justice system works exactly the same way it is presented on CBS.
It’s not that large a segment, just the segment that doesn’t know how to get out of jury duty…
Most of them should be dead in 10-15 years. So there’s that.
Refs, just because Drew Brees threw an incomplete pass doesn’t mean a defensive foul was committed.
lol all these DOINKS
-Bill Parcells’ dad, outside a Japanese Interment Camp, 1943
matt BARKley looking good for the bills!!!!
Good dog
Roughing the Punter is now legal.
The Browns just epic derped.
Now that Hue is gone it would be nice to see the Browns turn things around.
Even though I know they won’t.
It’s a rare sunnyish day here in CT, so as much as I am enjoying the P*ts getting beaten like a drum I a) know this isn’t going to last and b) would like to get some of that sun before those fucking farmers fuck me in the ass with their “Daylight Savings Time” and “Ethanol Subsidies”.
Later, taters.
The Patriots are just fucking with me by teasing the potential of a 1-4 matchup against the Chiefs in the divisional round.
[goes to PornHub, searches ‘fucked in the ass with Ethanol Subsidies’]
[six results pop up]
Tits now at 75% win probability against NE.
which is the siren call to live bet the P*ts
You’re gonna do it, aren’t you? Even if you lose it’s win/win. Those don’t come around too often.
Truth Biscuit is 9/10.
Let me know when he has 9/11, then we’ll talk- Pete Carrol
I guess the refs picked up the clipping flag because the defender wasn’t wearing a Patriots uniform?
All I’m experiencing from this Jets game is “Oh, the bye week post better be good.” And also I should get dressed for my gig which is the bonus of not watching this shitshow.
THIS MARK INGRAM I CALL HIM THE NINJA BLENDER BECAUSE HE SPINS AND CUTS THE BENGALS DEFENSE TO SHREDS!
Bad news, folks. I’m starting to believe the Bears are… good.
It makes me uncomfortable too.
“Take two of these* and wait until January; that feeling should clear up then.”
*beers
That was the Jetiest way to give up a touchdown I have ever seen.
bahahaha!
No it wasn’t.
I was not lucky to see that live. That and never seeing Led Zep in concert are too of my biggest regrets.
The Human Thumbs are starting to get it!
Did they have to have the KC assistant coach dress in green so Andy Reid wouldn’t eat him?
BANNER nominee
“WHY CAN’T I WAKE UP!” – Andy Reid finding himself living his nightmare of being surrounded by salad people.
“Ugh don haf nuffin gains pesso”*
-Andy Reid, explaining that he has nothing against pesto while shoveling a chicken-and-pasta dish down his gaping maw.
It takes every active player on the Offensive Roster to replace AJ Green, including the Backup QB. Sounds about right.
I would have liked to see Tennessee take the PI penalty and then run it in from the one, just to be assholes about it.
As Trubisky nails accurate pass after accurate pass, I have to stifle the urge to scream “Accuracy isn’t his problem, you thumb people! It’s the number of snaps he’s taken above the high school level!” to everyone surprised his passes are accurate.
/and the functional illiteracy
Functionallyilliterate!? Whoa. Somebody got an MBA from UNC!
Tits and Bungles, needed to put RRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! and Chefs back into homefield advantage pole position
I see Tennessee is doing the “tease them until the point of blueballs” things against the P*ts.
Welp, only one thing to do…
/unzips pants
hey, y’all salvaged a point against Wolves!
/pants fly off
And congrats on your point against Chelsea. I was gloating about Mourhino getting beat 3-1. although I don’t like rooting against Bog Rom.
WTF are you doing, Bengals?!
Okay…its worked.
fucking me out of my BeatieDOWN, that’s what
I started Red Rocket over Aaron Rodgers and his retarded coach, so I needed that.
BMDown.
I’m amongst my rotund meatball people for today’s game. If you hear about a horrible set of beer-related murders tonight, please behin a GoFundMe to pay my lawyer.
are YOUR ppls speaking of The Prophecy??
Only if it involves the word “Trubinsky”
i wake up just in time to see jaguras do jaguras things
Dolts: “hold our gravy”
JohnsonDOWN WOO!!!!
actually a nice throw too
I think the Saints got away with that one. The ball didn’t touch the ground, but he hit out of bounds before he got possession. Oh well.
SIGH. You had ONE JOB, Tits! – Aging stripper
In honor of the Bears doinking an XP, can someone post that are you the GB kicker application image?
are ppls speaking of The Prophecy?
Nope
SAD HIPPO
YES! Let ths be a Leonard Cohen week, hallelujah.
shady mccoy getting it done!!!
hahahaha buffalo has a lead for the first time in 1 month!!!!
hey, at least the P*ts briefly trailed this week
heres hoping this turns into a shootout!!!!
THANKS JEST D/ST