If you feel like chatting about the Chelsea/Everton tilt whilst we wait for the good stuff, go on ahead. There’s also a Rugby World Cup qualifying match taking place between Canada and Kenya that’s being played in Marseille, France. I don’t have a clue whether it’s live, a replay from five days ago or a vision from the near future! All I know is that I could really go for a big bowl of roasted cauliflower ears right now…
TO THE GAMES!
Lions/Bears:
I kinda want the Lions to eke this one out just so that the NFC North maintains its morass status. A stat that breaths life into this prospect? Them Detroiters are 9-1 vs. Chicago the last five times they’ve played. (I’ll get the hang of this ‘math’ someday, you just watch!) Also the Bears 5-3 includes wins over a head-in-ass Seahawks team early in the season as well as the Bills, Bucs, Jets and Cards. Woof!
Saints/Bengals:
I don’t think you could get a higher score in this game if you tossed 3 or 4 footballs out onto the field and announced, “We’re playing flag football today, gents!” Sure, the Bengalis are down AJ Green but a certain Tyler Boyd has a nose for the six pointer and the Saints D doesn’t play well with barely competent qb’s.
Falcons/Browns:
ATL grabbed Bruce Irvin so that their miserable record of pressuring qb’s could be slightly altered. Barring some wacked-out weather the Falcons should put up a number of points on a Browns D that long ago gave up that whole “stopping other teams” bullshit.
Pats/Titans:
Michel? In. Gronk? Out. It won’t matter much one way or another because Bad Bill Bellichick has a tendency to take former coaches out behind the henhouse and give them a sound beating. HE KNOWS ALL YOUR STUPID TENDENCIES, YOU PUTZ! Mike Vrabel is the next man up.
Jags/Colts:
Little Red Fournette is finally back! The chants of “Anyone But Bortles!” grow louder and louder. Helping to exacerbate his demise, the top thinkers have installed Wrecked Flowers as a starter on the O-line. Jacktown’s D is just fine, rated #2 in total defence and #8 in points allowed. It’s just that they’re on for far too long and have been put in short-field spots on the reg due to Bortlemajik.
Cards/Chiefs:
One day football fan parents, completely fed-up with their child’s behavior will yell, “I will beat you harder than Kansas City beat Arizona on Remembrance Day in 2018!”
Bills/Jets:
The starting qb’s in the “So It’s Come To This Bowl” are Matt Barkley and Josh McCown.
Potato Skins/Bucs:
The Bucs can get to within one game of the treasured .500 mark by ambushing the severely beaten up Skins. [begins singing ‘Fair Harvard’]
Don’t forget to take off your raspberry beret at 11:11.
This is a five star event and it is making me happy, happy feet.
Looks like my Pats are not going to prevail today. Thank Christ they play in the shitty AFC East.
34-10!! NAWT fay-uh!!!
I love the P*ts getting dunked on repeatedly with the Phlly Special.
“Marcus Cannon moved early” sounds like something you’d hear on a porn set as the director calls for a reshoot.
porn set reshoot…..
Hey, it could happen!
Well, somebody took hands practice in the offseason.
“Wasn’t me.” – Shaquem Griffin
“Anything you can do, I can do better…”
What’s happening in NE-TEN? How?
Tommy’s magic juice delivery didn’t show up on time.
Refs have stuck their flags in their pockets for an extended period of time. Might be why the Pats are down.
Brady literally tripped over a field gremlin with a wide open field in front of him.
It’s always the game you’re most confident about that fucks up the parlay.
If it involves a New England loss that definitely softens the blow.
Goddamnit Falcons if you are going to score garbage time points they have to be to Julio.
Oh, please let this be the birth of a QB Controversy. All Hail Driskel!
Holy crap! A long bomb?! Oh, Driskel. That explains it.
Harry Truman was the first fan of long bombs. Ppl forget that.
If you recall your WWII history, Harry was more a fan of an extended campaign made up of short gains, establishing solid positions, then an explosive finish.
I know this because I look for the same thing in my porn.
there are still fuckers wearing pat mcafee jerseys in fat humpia
We talk about Rodgers being a beast but Brees….? Holy Fuckballs that guy is incredible.
Yeah, but he also advertises for a thinly disguised Ponzi scheme. At least Rodgers just hates his own family to the point he has no contact with them. For an NFL player that’s practically saintly.
Drew distanced himself from his nutball mother. How soon we forget. And on Remembrance Day, Horatio. For Shame!
/drives 4×4 through a field of poppies
What?
It helps when the defense plays at 80% speed and only tries to tackle with one arm.
So basically Shaquem Griffin with the flu?
Titans fans starting to believe as the event horizon that is the 4th quarter arrives.
BARK BARK BARK BARK!!!!!!
I think in order to properly convey the appropriate amount of hate I feel for this team I need to start referring to them as the Kansas City McConnells.
alley cocks caused luck to throw an int
“Well come on I mean who hasn’t…
NO I PROMISED I WOULDN’T MAKE THOSE JOKES ANYMORE
I really have followed through on my threat to WORK. Fuck off, bad football weekend.
The TB12 method of staying on the field at 40+ years of age seems to consist primarily of throwing the ball away as soon as a defender breaches your outer atmosphere.
Washington and Houston are going to win their divisions with 12+ wins because holy shit their schedules are laughable
WOO HOO MAGIC!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzlK0OGpIRs
Big hearts and great families are what I always look for in my quarterback, whose job is to accurately throw a football down a field.
Big hearts and great families are actually what you should be looking for in a racehorse, not a quarterback.
“Like there’s a difference.”
Richardson, J.
[whinnies in agreement]
– John Elway
“I had an enlarged heart and I’m doing just fi…”
-Pete Maravich
Well, at least there will be no further questions about the Bengals not selling out home games.
Tomorrow on Bahstahn radio: “Howah cahn Grawnk smile when the Pahts ah losing!?!?”
Holy moly that Potatoes game looks like a dud.
“Spain was limping slightly…”
To be fair, Dewey really hit them pretty hard in Manila Bay.
Me: Say it! Tru-bis-key.
Fat Bears fan tied to chair: Tru-BIN-skey.
Me, punches Bears fan in face: TRU-BIS-KEY!
Fat Bears fan, bleeding from mouth: Tru-bit-skey.
Me, smashing chair against wall and shoving broken leg into Bears fan’s neck: TRU-FUCKING-BIS-KEY
Fat Bears fan with bloody meat sweats: Tru-bib-skey
why don’t they just call him mitchy, that’s way easier
(but i suppose they would just end up calling him mitchtsky then)
Game going well, is it?
My post here is dangerously close to fetish porn actually
Little ICRM has spoken.
All the threads have been put to bed. Who is doing what now?
Guess I could always do some legal work.
Evergreen post.
/still not gonna
Oh my god it’s still 6-3 in Tampa
Look hitting the upright should count double. It’s really hard to do
4 times?? That’s downright Houdini shit.
TRICKY JAGURAS
You fucking suck Parkey!
DOINK!!!!
Got switched from NO-CIN to WAS-TB.
A game with a million TDs to a game that will score none
2nd and goal at the 1, AZ still won’t give it to Johnson
reverse jinx WOO, thanks to Reid timeout
I was just about to explain Nagy is an Andy Reid protege because he’ll burn a TO with 8:30 left in the 3rd and just as I opened my mouth he called a TO with 12:30 to go in the 3rd.
to be fair i have been impressed with his mostly anti-andy reidiness since week 1
I think it’s awesome he still takes the time to salute his mentor
if he REALLY wanted to do that he’d wear a bib during a game
Every Bears fan is one of those potato batteries but with a mouth to consume beer and add superfluous constants to words
gamers!
https://twitter.com/sid_flesh/status/1061703074044149760
OPI on a give-up screen. NEVAR CHANGE, Bungles
55 yard FG for yeah rights parlay!
3 more to go!
Heard another “Trubinsky” from a giant Meatball who says “he never throws this good.”
Why are Bears fans so fucking stupid?
*rests folded arms on giant gut*
I am illiterate
cold froze all brain cells?
Too many lipids blocking the synaptic gaps
not balancing beef fat and pork fat – a national health emergency
he filmed his own fucking penalty
https://twitter.com/stuart_goldman/status/1061699621683126272
Sorry I’m in and out; we’re getting the baby’s bedroom ready. Just checked in to hat tip yeah right for having the onions to take the OVER in the meadowlands.
also if you guys missed this earlier….
WHO WANTS SOLAR PANELS?
https://twitter.com/EyeonOhio/status/1060946841200746496
i see the redacteds/bucs are on pace for an exciting 12-6 finish
(grabs baseball bat)
Well. Back to the Fine China and Precious Heirloom Room.
Don’t you love when you put a scrub from your opponent’s QB’s team in your flex with the thinking “if my opponent’s quarterback has a big game, at least this will mitigate it some” and your opponent’s QB does in fact have a big game BUT YOUR SHITTY GUY GETS NOTHING.
shady mccoy + BARKleyyyyy!
Wooof!!!!