Your “I’m So Eveready For This Game!” Sunday Night Football Open Thread

He didn’t look any different than any of the other broken fellas that jumped into the back of my pickup in the Home Depot parking lot that sunny but chilly Tuesday morning. He had steel-toed boots and what looked like a strong back and that was good enough for me. We were pouring concrete that day for a buddy of mine that happened to end up doing a lot better than I did in the contracting game. Thing is, I saved his ass a few times when his ‘aggressive’ approach to managing folks resulted in his workforce disappearing. So, he paid me regular-unlike more than a few of the other guys. Maybe he saw something in my eye…

That first day the sweat was pouring off us like we were in a shower. One by one the other hired help dropped away and wandered over to the shade. This guy was made of stronger material. I told him, “if you’re there tomorrow, you’ve got yourself another day’s work”. He just nodded. Of course he was there. I imagine he had a few mouths to feed and the prospect of more pocket cash made him eager. Not that he ever showed it though…

So there we were-it was a few months down the road and we’d got to know each other about as best as two taciturn fellas ever would. By this time I’d hired a foreman that would take the rest of ‘the dailies’ back to the parking lot and would sit down with-he said his name was ‘J’. Just ‘J’. We’d sip beers and talk about what needed to be done the next day, week, whatever. It got to be a habit.

This time around we’d started a bit of a fire to warm our hands by and I threw out the idea that ‘J’ might be in line for a foreman job at another site he knew that I’d been overseeing. I could tell he was interested. I got up to grab us another round when I saw the sledge hammer leaning against the pile of concrete blocks. I grabbed it, felt the weight of it in my hands. It felt good.

He never had a chance. The squishing, cracking sound that was made as I crushed the top of his skull almost made me sick. Almost. I drove off to the dumping ground thinking, ‘here’s another that I first seen climb into the bed of my pickup and this is where I’ll see him for the last time’. Taking a man’s life away from him is one thing, but doing it in a symmetrical manner makes it seem like art to me.

TO THE GAME!

Cowpokes/Schmeagles:

Second-most I’m rooting for a tie here so that when the Giants go on an 8 game win streak they’ll win the division. What? I want what Odell pretends to want. First-most it would be great if Philly caught their stride and humiliated Dallas on a national stage.

Don’t bother with the bleach, just burn the clothes afterwards.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
371 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Spur

comment image

Spur

comment image

Brick Meathook

He looks like his balls fell off.

Doktor Zymm

Nonsense, they could roll either direction, he would look both left and right and he’s only looking right.

Mr. Ayo

Chin up buddy! It happens to us all!

Doktor Zymm

Mr “It’s not abuse because she wasn’t my girlfriend” scores a TD.

Brick Meathook

It’s still Veterans Day, folks, we need to keep thanking our heroes.

I’m a veteran, so blow me.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I only spent four years on active duty, so a handjob will adequate for me.

Gratliff

Leftist vet twitter has some fun memescomment image

Spur

That Zekedown was for Zymm

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brick Meathook

Do you see that? That’s how you pick up a telephone.

Spur

comment image

Col. Duke LaCross

She seems pleasant.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, you know what’s fun? Your parents talking about estranged relatives lacking credential for their profession.

Doktor Zymm

Who wants to trade off with me, I can get Zeke drunk, but I can’t get him dangerous drunk

Doktor Zymm

As much as I hate that stupid song…meh…go…Eagles…perhaps….just because fuck the Cowboys

King Hippo

Philly ppls – if’n I am in the stadium, and I sing that song “I-G-G-L-E-S!” will I be physically assaulted to the point of morphine?

Gratliff

It’s gonna be roughly as good an attempt as most of the locals

Sharkbait

There’s gotta be a better way to get opiates than that.

Sharkbait

We were a half circle away from a dick on SNF. So close.

King Hippo

ErtzDOWN!!! The only Dakota Jeebus score that Seamus is allowed to have. 😀

Gratliff

Football’s good again

Doktor Zymm

I’ve had a contact high once in my life, during Los Lobos. It was glorious. The sky was round.

King Hippo

this happened to me in the next-to-last row of a small-venue Ween concert

Brick Meathook

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Heh, Small wood

King Hippo

his twitter handle should be @MotionInTehOcean

Doktor Zymm

If that’s not available @bigmanmyth

Doktor Zymm

So, I was looking through my old high school yearbooks the other day because actual reason of friend dealing with shit, and I was struck by a couple things. Firstly, how many more people I considered part of my life back then, and secondly, how diverse my friend group was growing up. I know there’s a lot of people in the country who don’t have this experience…and it’s legit hard to understand how they view people outside their experience. I can’t wish harm on any normal person, ever. The only thing I will never tolerate is intolerance.

blaxabbath

Oh look, Ms Math knew the Asian kids. WHAT A SURPRISE!

Doktor Zymm

But not just the northern Asian kids!

Gratliff

Darby icing the kicker and his knee at the same time

Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

— Blair Walsh

Sharkbait

This never gets old.

Brick Meathook

comment image

...

comment image
.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait…so I was looking at the box score earlier and Amari Cooper had 35 yards on four receptions. Now it says he has 11 yards on five. Did he somehow lose 20+ yards on a catch?

herodotus450

That does seem like the most Cowboys answer. Or maybe it was a pass that got changet to a lateral?

Col. Duke LaCross

Somehow Harvard had over 400 yards and scored 30 fantasy points, but Tampa only hung 3 on the board. Weird day.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

King Hippo

YES SHE IS!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

...

Now this is a fantastic lede:

“Andrew Laming, a Liberal National MP in the federal parliament representing the QLD seat of Bowman, has reignited a two-year-long feud with a Simpsons meme page on Facebook.”

...

Okay who wins a Gruden vs. Gruden game and why? I genuinely want to explore this.

Col. Duke LaCross

No matter who wins, we all lose.

Sharkbait

Tempted to say we do. We’d need to work extra hard making that game tolerable, so I imagine we’d produce some gems in here.

Doktor Zymm

It really does depend on the teams and management up to that point. If you’re positing two theoretical teams where they have full control of drafts etc, then why don’t we all just vomit now?

herodotus450

Well John probably has a killer gameplan for Brad Johnson and Clinton Portis, so Id say the other one.

JustStopDude

“If you thought the Harbaugh bowl was insufferable….”

...

Funny thing is the lesser Harbaugh won that one.

King Hippo

fat one will try harder

yeah right

“False start on Dallas with 15:57 to go in the quarter…”
comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Just looked at the rest of WAS schedule….they’re gonna be so overwhelmed first game of playoffs. The only non-division (aka teams of potential consequence) teams they play are TEN and JAX. They may not win out the divison, but even if they split or whatever, this is a shitty team that’s gonna probably playoffs. I feel super bad for the good members of the team, and super the opposite for chubby Gruden, since he’ll benefit from yet another playoff appearance that isn’t actually due to him being good, but rather the rest of the NFC East sucking various types of mammal balls.

...

Oh shit. We could get Gruden vs. Gruden in 2021.

lol who am I kidding they’ll both be fired by then

King Hippo

there’s always Canadia?

Doktor Zymm

And neither of them will go beyond the first round of the playoffs, and even then purely by accident.

herodotus450

Probably gonna get Gruden then Gruden at the top of the draft.

...

A Gruden-Gruden trade on draft day in which they somehow misplace a draft pick.

Spur

comment image

nomonkeyfun

Oh I would.

For about 5 seconds.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And then the bear would pop?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Speaking of batteries, any dildo sightings at today’s Jets-Bills game?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, they didn’t show the owner’s booth.

...

comment image
.

...

I still chuckle every time I see this. I also make whirring sounds.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“GET TO DA CHOPPA!!”

JustStopDude

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJFVZxotdN4

Some halftime entertainment…

Col. Duke LaCross

Is The Rock rebooting “Battle Dome?”

Gratliff

“or the Cowboys trying to take it” The Rock does not watch football

Sharkbait

Aaaand time to mute.

Gratliff

If he steps to the right, they have a hail mary chance. Bad all around.

Gratliff

boooooo

nomonkeyfun

Time for the deep cells to go flying.

Sharkbait

“What a terrible thing to happen on D cell battery night.”

JustStopDude

Oh boy…here comes the double AA’s….

nomonkeyfun

That Philly defense was looser than a Fishtown crackewhore.

...

Scanning the fire map of California and nodding to myself the end will come in flames as I had hoped.

Doktor Zymm

AND NO ONE IS ABOVE 20. NFC East….no good

Brick Meathook

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Yup, I’m more afraid of treadmills than most other scarier things

Gratliff

Straight money

Doktor Zymm

I’m feeling kinda bad I haven’t spent more time at my local Old Man Bar (also the only bar near me). Yes, I have a better TV here, yes, I can make my own drinks and don’t have to wait to pay cash for them, yes, I can watch Red Zone instead of probably just the Raiders game, and yes, I can eat food at my place, and yes it’s a bar in a strip mall , but still…I miss having a regular. When I went to the bar on my corner in Chicago a few months ago one of my buddies didn’t know I had moved, because being there every four months or so was apparently enough to keep up appearances. It’s a bit different at the Huddle, because I would be the only regular under 50, but that’s okay, it might be fun to be considered a kid again!

Col. Duke LaCross

I regularly hang out at one of those types of joints. I just like talking some of those old timers and listening to their stories. Used to do a lot of drinking at the local VFW for the same reason. Plus you could get a beer for 75¢.

Doktor Zymm

Not super cheap there, but definitely interesting people. I like listening, and the couple of times I’ve been there, not disappointed.

Gratliff

Oh you lucky motherfucker

JustStopDude

That was some pretty sweet defending…