So Week 12, huh? Well, your injury report information is a novel available here. This isn’t important to fired Jacksonville Offensive Coordinator Nathaniel Hackett though. Because, you see, he got fired.
Oh, this reminds me — I was listening to the Cardinals post-game radio show on Sunday (this is actually what a I care about; I only watch the game a pre post-game viewing so I know what everyone is bitching about) and some old dude called in and was like, “I don’t know why everyone keeps saying this is the worst offensive team in the league. I can’t think of any team whose play is this offensive!” The joke was met with dead silence.
Anyways, my point is stick to Quotables, SonofSpam. Some humour just doesn’t translate well to the world of call-in shows. With that said, here are your Week 12 Quotables!
Bending it like . . .
Later at the Salvation Army HQ;Minister Perkadil notices that some of the money smells like his wife.
That’s not a quality issue with the image at the end there, that’s Tomlin trying desperately to cause a glitch in the Matrix, rolling back Ben’s software to the 2008 version.
Sure, it’s funny to him now, but when the Giants try to franchise tag Odell as a kicker in a few years, we’ll be the ones laughing.
“Neutral” arbitrators have already drawn up the paperwork to rule in the NFL’s favor.
I know it seems like a bit much, but when was the last time a Buffalo defender had a chance to celebrate a meaningful incompletion in the 4th quarter?
“YA SEE THAT ITCH?! THAT’S THE TRADEMARK MOVE OF A FINE WOMAN WHO JUST GOT OFF RIDING JER-FORCE ONE! YEEEEEEEE HAWWWWW!”
It’s not over until the fat man pickerceptions! Oh shit, it’s over.
Jerry Jones: “DAMMIT, BILL, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP???”
Bill (assistant in charge of entertainment): “Uh, you said we need to get the talentless blonde with the fat ass…”
Jerry Jones: “MOTHERFUCKER I MEANT WADE PHILLIPS!!!”
A Meghan Trainor sounds like a 1957 specialized apparatus used to get women used to wearing a girdle.
Who laughing about all those off season mime classes now?
I will keep calling radio shows until someone in Arizona laughs.
Calling them what?
Wireless Marconi Abominations.
That probably confuses the hell out of them; especially the sports and political stations. Good job.
“Ha ha ha, SHILL-ary and O-Bummer…man, that’s good stuff…” – Arizona radio listener, following SoS’s next call.
It’s obvious who had a “case of the toots” in the tunnel prior to team introductions.
–Blair Walsh
Nailed it
– Mr. Ayo
“Good God. He’s dumber than Terry Bradshaw.”
-O. Epps
This deserves all the pluses.
“Hey coach. Isn’t it in Jacoby’s best interest to have me get blown up on this play. Oh, Hodor.”
-A. Luck
If they receive only $1,999,999,979.00 from the players the Salvation Army will have paid off the advertising fee they gave to the NFL.
“Even a black man can fail up in the NFL. What a league.”
-H. Jackson
“Dude you work for Mike Brown.”
-rest of the world
“Exactly.”
-Jackson
Joe Buck doesn’t want to know where he was keeping that cash and is disgusted by the entire act.
I haven’t seen something white get crushed like that since Irsay’s last pill party.
Guys, I’m about to torpedo my dollars per pass thrown stats, the least you could do is follow me out there.
It’s an outrage that Hue had to work harder for that handshake than for his next coaching job.
That’s not a dig at Mayfield, no one should ever have hired Hue again.
Definitely didn’t need LeVeon Bell this season.
Same exact dance Kirk Cousins tried to pull off
It’s harder than it looks!
–Cody Parkey
(also probably a guy who needs a stunt cock)
Jesus, Blax, not sure some of your captions are going to be beat this week.
Good comment. Just let me know which ones you’d like to win this week.
I just saved 15% by switching to flattery!
Shankalor is not amused by this trickery and will punish kickers for all of eternity
Off topic; Hippo now has a place to spend his money rather than losing it gamboling:
https://www.shinesty.com/collections/the-brandon-mcmanus-collection
In particular:
https://www.shinesty.com/products/white-horse-boxer
but underwear is inherently fascist!
Should have been a penalty, Speering the architect.
Being my arch enemy, I’ll put that in column A, which makes me beam.
That’ll buttress any sagging support you encounter.
You are not getting a hall pass for this.
“Jews, death camps, I know nothing about any of this. I was just a technocratic intellectual who would have killed Hitler if I had the chance.”
Interesting path to an Albert Speer joke.
The route passed in a Treblinka of the eye.
Well, when his football career ends, he has a bright future directing planes to their gates at the local airport.
Southwest should make this part of their “When you really wanna get away” campaign.
Nice.
“I’m donating a dollar for every pound of lead paint chips I ate growing up.”
“Not enough.”
-Mom
Let no one continue to say that Sean Lee’s increasingly desperate pleas to see a trainer have fallen on deaf ears.
A little hitch in her get-along. I wonder what fetish wear “country pop” people wear. OK, maybe that is not a good question.
“I haven’t seen a Daniel so eager to take on some lions since I got bored and made up some crap about a ‘prayer decree’ to spice things up a little bit around the palace.” – Darius the Mede
“Twenty-one? That’s crazy, that’s the same number as the age that my girlfriend’s ID says she is!”
– Mark Sanchez
Let’s see…
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Yeah, I know – I just wanted to see what would happen and clipping it leads to a forbidden zone. Here’s what it was:
I still like the quote; it speaks to me.
Forbidden Zone? I thought solids weren’t allowed there since the attempted assassination of Ungo the Moist.
“Listen, you’re not going to last long playing in the AFC East if you take perfectly legal shots like that on quarterbacks wearing the number 12.” – Jets defenders
“She’s making a crockery of the unitard I wore as a Data Crowbar!”
-E. Smiff
“Understood.”
T. Green
She’s not mocking Emmitt, the number just happens to be her weight . . . in stone
“Is this what they call “a Rouge” in Canadia?”
♫Hello, grayness, my old friend♫
Dick.
“Hey! You look just like my last head coach! I didn’t know he had a twin brother!”
The quote from him was that Jackson left the team and went to a division rival…….. I’m pretty sure he didn’t leave voluntarily, Baker, old pal.
The whole Tre’Davious White video is fantastic.
How long do you think it will take for the NFL to figure out what “bass” and “treble” really mean ?
That’s a penalty. NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO HIT MY TOMMY LIKE THAT.
Oh, wait, wrong coloUrs.
Carry on then
-Gisele Bundchen
That awkward moment when your creepy Uncle says hi at the family dinner
OBJ imagines the ball is Pat Shurmur’s head
more like Elisha’s head
The NFL is really trying to increase it’s DWTS viewership with this interpretive dance of the flag explanation
Rookie hazing has really mellowed in this PC world