Your “No Brokeback Mountain Jokes, I Beg of You!” Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

I just recently had a curious experience that I’d thought I’d share. I had two glasses next to each t’udder, (I type that word more often than I would regularly in the hope that spellcheck will finally red-line it but, nope-not this time either. Yet try sneaking ‘rumour’ past this arbitrary-as-hell program though…) one had beer and the other contained scotch. I absentmindedly grabbed the latter and took a swig of what I thought was beer. Wah! I thought to myself, “I finally understand what Peter Gabriel was jabbering on about in ‘Shock The Monkey’!” I love me the scotch (username checks out) but I almost retched because I was anticipating the taste sensations of a different oh-so-sweet nectar. This is the most interesting moment in the last three days of my existence. I wish someone would cut me from this practice squad life…. TO THE GAME!

Saints/Cowboys:

New Orleans qb Breezy is having himself one hell of a year but I sure do wish sportsfarters would drop the trope of, “He’s Almost 40!!!!”. My extraordinarily thorough research into signal-callers that did their thing into the fourth decade of their life (it took about 45 seconds) tells me that 20 have done so. As a percentage of the whole that’s… whatever but let’s not think that it’s some sort of radical achievement. Speaking of math and stats, boy, the abacuses are stacked up against them Cowboys. The Saints have averaged  44 points over their last 4 tilts and Dallas has scored over 30 twice all season. It only gets worse from there. Suffice to say that Zeke has to run wild over the Saints #1 run defense in order for the Cowboys to squeak out the W.

[thinks about playing some tunes from The Cowboy Junkies live album]

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Wakezilla
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

That’s the City of Roanoke’s tourist guide.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

1 seed RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

For now.

King Hippo

yeah that road fixture at Da Bearistocrats! is quite worrisome. Unless Bollo de la Verdad can’t play.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

All the DFO Dallas haters arent posting. You’ll no fun.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You’ll no fun.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

They keep talkin’, I ain’t listenin’

Horatio Cornblower

Player of the game is Jaylon Smith…who will be going to NFL jail tomorrow.

Spur

Kamara had it coming

Horatio Cornblower

Did you see the way he was dressed!?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Everybody knows Kamara is a slut.

Spur

with his towel hanging out? He wanted it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Typical Cowboys fan.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

That win is for Gratliff and Dok.

Spur

Holy Shit Dallas won! that was not expected.

Brocky

Okay, so how do tie breakers for playoff seeding breakdown? If the rams and saints have the same record do the saints get #1 cause they beat the rams or does it go to conference record?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think head to head is the very first thing.

King Hippo

OF COURSE, Rod Marinelli is the hero!

Horatio Cornblower

I am stunned at how good their D has been this year.

Spur

GREAT JOB DALLAS comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Sentenced to life.

King Hippo

YUP. Ginger Balls actually did a good with 2:03, that he could nae otherwise

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Payton was an absolute idiot for taking that timeout. Stupid, stupid, STUPID.

King Hippo

I think after the DAK! fumbre, he just assumed he wouldn’t do it. Payton can be a cocky little shit.

Spur

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Stupid, stupid, stupid move taking the timeout at 2:03. Saved you only three seconds and made it so the Cowboys had the option of throwing the ball without clock consequences.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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That was OPI

Horatio Cornblower

“No, it’s just hand-fighting.*” -NFL HQ tomorrow

*hand-fighting being code for,”Yes, the officials blew that call, but we’ll never admit we were wrong and we still would like you to believe that Herr Goodell never saw the Ray Rice video.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

I am enjoying Buck and Co. actually ripping these officials. Doesn’t happen enough.

clint greasewood

An angry Jon Gruden just broke a table at IKEA while shopping for draft war room furniture.

Spur

run Zeke

King Hippo

fuck off, 3 kneeldowns!!

Horatio Cornblower

No, run Rod Smith.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

FLAG AND OVAH!!!!

/Breesus and Ingram = 12.3 combined WOO

Gratliff

I guess this is what happens when you score your season’s allotment of points against the Eagles.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

Hmmm….

Bears getting a 1st round bye doesn’t seem so ridiculous now…

remembers the bears have to face the rams

Oh yeah. Never mind

King Hippo

NOT until NFC title match, though. Now that they’s got the 1 seed.

/oh yeah, SNF too

Spur

the clock didnt run

Horatio Cornblower

JJ bet the over.

King Hippo

NOW, you can throw on 2nd down for the win. Would take ginger balls, though.

King Hippo

gee, hold the Saints to 10 and they won this one with their defense? Way to go out on a limb, dipshit.

Spur

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Horatio Cornblower

Just befoe the INT I was going to say that Jaylon Smith better make all the tackles he can on this drive, because after his head shot on Bitchin’ Kamara I suspect he’s getting the next 3-4 weeks off.

King Hippo

way to do a thing, Non-Gendered Cowpersons!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Good job by Cowboys. I wonder which of these two teams will go further in the playoffs.

Horatio Cornblower

“Oh, we won’t be making the play-offs.”-Cowboys

“Hold our beers”-rest of the NFC East

Spur

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King Hippo

CATCH WOO!!!!

Spur

Is this real???

Gratliff

FFS

King Hippo

PLEASE SAY he actually caught it

Horatio Cornblower

He did. But so did Dez, so who knows.

Horatio Cornblower

Welp, this game is something.

Spur

well, that’s game.

Gratliff

So they’re gonna score in one play, right?

Spur

yes

Horatio Cornblower

I forgot tonight was Thursday and just kicked my kid off of Fortnite about ten minutes ago and I still think this might be the worst-officiated game I’ve ever seen.

clint greasewood

Drew Brees sharpening his dagger on the side lines.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

that blows.

Gratliff

THE ARISTOCRATS

Viva La Tabula Raza

HAHAHAHAHA

King Hippo

JESUS DAK, all you have to do is NOT FUMBRE

Mr. Ayo

They’ll still cover. Your thumbs are safe.

King Hippo

true, but my fantasy team needs NO BREESUS

Mr. Ayo

Welp, there you go!

King Hippo

negative BREESUS, even!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

I see she didn’t pay extra for the “attachment”

Spur

Come on, get a TD here Dallas. Get FG and Brees will march down and get a TD.

Horatio Cornblower

Or, and hear me out here, he could just fumble, give the ball back to Brees without scoring at all, and Brees will march down and get a TD.