Your “Low-Scoring Games Can Be Exciting!” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Good evening, ladies and silly men. Were you to start up your own football league would you put the word “Freedom” in the title? Well, guys like Ricky Williams, Jeff Garcia, Terrell Owens and Simeon Rice thought just that very same thing and beat you to the (not attached in any way to a domestic violence ‘incident’) punch. The Freedom Football League is going to pretend to launch in 2020. Where is the funding going to fall short? Well, from private folks and the issuance of bonds because money falls from the sky these days and alternative professional football leagues have a long track record of success and profitability.

You know those tents on the sidelines for injured players? In this league there’ll be nothing but pergolas. Team physicians will be replaced by spiritual advisers. Replay officials? This is 2020 people! From now on remote viewers will be contacted in their lair in the hills of Wyoming for their interpretation of what constitutes a catch and by gum, they’re gonna get it more righter than the NFL ever did. Welcome to the future.

TO THE GAME!

JAX/TEN:

Hey, it’s the last quarter of the season (Quarter? Did someone say quarter? -Jim Tomsula) and unless you’re in a dumbass fantasy league that plays its champeenship in Week 18 when starters get rested, your ass might just be on the line. Not that you’d be playing fellas in this game… As for this tilt… oof. Who will win the Battle of The Incredibly Disappointing Running Backs? My money is on ‘neither’ because Fournette and Henry both don’t deserve to have anyone depend on them for a victory. Get ready for tired old phrases like ‘clock control’, ‘field position’, ‘defensive struggle’, ‘what else is on?’, ‘the toast is done’, ‘I’m leaving you’, ‘these pants don’t fit any more’, ‘are there any doctors on board?’, ‘I told you she was dead’ and of course, ‘it was like that when I got here’.

Shed some inhibitions. Just not right here, right now.

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Horatio Cornblower

Blake Bortles is handling his benching well.

Based on what I’ve seen of his O-line tonight he should be fucking delighted.

SonOfSpam

Hey guys, just got here…probably some boring-ass 6-3 game. Whatevs, playing against that stiff Derrick Henry, so probably still tied at zero lol he sucks.

Horatio Cornblower

Who has two thumbs and dropped Derrick Henry this week so he could pick up KHunt as a joke?

THIS GUY

Which means that I’ll finish dead last in the league, instead of second-to-last.

SonOfSpam

I admire your commitment to a bit!

Game Time Decision

So relagated to the second tier?

Horatio Cornblower

Nah, I’m the commissioner, so this year the winner is the team with the low score.

Unsurprised

Jerrah Rules?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Da fuq is Joe Buck talking about, this game is far from over. Pull the starters and see what else ya got

Sharkbait

I dont know. UK commentary FTW.

Sharkbait

GOD.DAMNIT

Game Time Decision

Hahaha. Henry again

Mr. Ayo

What would be worse in fantasy? Playing against him or having him on your bench?

Game Time Decision

Against. He’s done nothing all year so was due for a game like this. So having him on the bench is annoying. But going against him means that the other team put a warm body in there and now you are way behind in points

Sharkbait

Annoying is an understatement.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BAM, Believe Bortles Botches/Bobbles there, Bob?

JustStopDude

That was some quality “giving the fuck up” style defense there.

litre_cola

FUCK YOU DERYCK HENRY.

Sharkbait

SECONDED!

Mr. Ayo

Never play fantasy football is the lesson here

King Hippo

If I could go back in time, that’s probably the one thing I would fix

King Hippo

Wow, we get a great SNF this week, then a great TNF and Saturday NFL in Week 15?

Mr. Ayo

Which of those Saturday games are you talking about? They both look like ass.

King Hippo

Only TNF great, El Sabato is just there (though Donks v #ThePauls is watchable).

Mr. Ayo

I’m a great reader. Everyone says it.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That pass was such a duck that Chip Kelly got an erection

King Hippo

So…of course Derrick Henry will have the biggest RB fantasy-gasm of the past 4 or 5 weeks. Against the goddamned Jaguras!

Sharkbait

Yuuuup. 5-8 and on my bench

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening

King Hippo

How goes the Chaka Khan, good imaginary fellow?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Waiting on the little lady to get home so we can start small fires to commemorate.

litre_cola

Is it a penalty to give Deryck Henry’s rat tail a handjob?

King Hippo

Player safety concerns do nae outweigh the shaming of “openly black” hair, so tis fine.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Looks like he pulled the ole Baltimore Pickle on his own head

Game Time Decision

My fav Christmas song.

https://youtu.be/PjmTkQk0zA4

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not clicking just in case it’s LDB

Game Time Decision

It’s not. I know you don’t believe me, and I get that. But it’s not. Seriously. I’d give you a pass or exemption if you want it.

Oh and still in the challenge but will be out this time next week as oldest is performing ldb at a concert as part of the bands set

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sleep tight. I’ll cover your booze quota.

Sharkbait

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Gratliff

Terry just out there showing his dementia to the world

Sharkbait

Speaking of Christmas songs earlier:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq10bz3PxyY

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So apparently the Chiefs are going to sign Kelvin Benjamin. I do not believe that Kansas City’s already-stretched-to-the-breaking-point barbecue ecosystem can handle this.

Sharkbait

You can always serenade Kelvin Benjamin with that line too.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Come on, Smoot, you are tarnishing the family name.

Petronel

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Senor Weaselo

Hermana Weaselo, walking along Harvard Bridge when I was making the Boston college trip: “So did they check how many smoots deep it was?”

/I applied to NEC
//I did not get into NEC… or pass the prescreenings, because I realized the day before they specifically wanted my concerto movement so I needed to record it in one day. It was shit.

Col. Duke LaCross

The “Middle English” feed on Amazon Prime is the shit!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That was a great showcase for that special teams guy Kalu.

Gratliff

Apparently, today was the first day of legal marijuana in Michigan and I didn’t get one contact high. Is legal weed already passe?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is it legal to grow there, too?

Gratliff

Legal to grow immediately, expecting a year or two before the shops start up, which I’m assuming is why it’s gone by so quietly. Won’t have the tourist draw without the storefronts.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Get some seeds! Growing is fun.

Gratliff

Alas, my teetotaler lifestyle doesn’t really allow for it, and the 4 dispensaries per square foot that have popped up in the last 6 months pretty much guarantee that all the potential money has been spoken for.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_2-J9fZlQI

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I didn’t mean for profit.

Gratliff

I don’t even drink! Although, I’d probably be less likely to get in trouble if I did. Popo has pretty much announced that if you so much as forget to use your blinker while changing lanes, you’re getting tested for a DUI, which is far too soft for such a significant crime. Not signalling a turn should be responded to with gunfire.

litre_cola

That is it, no dispensaries for 2 years. They are relying on the gift system.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/windsor/pot-legal-michigan-1.4934370

Gratliff

Super impressive how everyone managed to grow so much weed in the past 21 hours.

litre_cola

It is them new aged lights

Redshirt

Props to the 1st 99-yard run.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOBkEW-8sog

King Hippo

it’s sad I always think back to his “glue pot” days in Donks-land when his name comes up

/though I have a very faint childhood memory of watching him play for Pitt

Senor Weaselo

So apparently my friend’s (the girl from the Pelicana chicken installment of House of Pain which is still going to be a thing when I’m not a lazy shit/busy) aunt designed the MTV logo and the Moon Man, and she passed away this past week.

Petronel

MT-blah blah-blah tele-blah.

Kudos to your friend’s aunt for designing some of the most memorable imagery of that era.

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Gratliff

Holy christ, that is the facest mask I’ve ever seen

litre_cola

This game has everything, 99 yard run, safety, missed xtra point, goal line stand, when will Morgana the kissing bandit come out here????

Redshirt

And to think I was going to sit this game out.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not just missed extra point, doinked extra point!

Senor Weaselo

“Does it have Dan Cortese?” -Stefon

litre_cola
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ooh, all the gods are showing up tonight.

Gratliff

Wow. We’re getting all the derpage in the first half.

King Hippo

DOINK! 13-4??

Gratliff

“The Passage” because Naught Dog wanted too much for “The Last of Us”

King Hippo

Damn it, I know this is gonna suck and peoples won’t get what an AWESOME book trilogy this was.

Gratliff

While I realize the source materials are different, all the commercial did was make me want to replay The Last of Us.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRqnZzmAg4w&index=1&list=PLTzt1HHioGrYy9T0S7yEwKo1z-iiMSXYg

Petronel

The Stiffarm, A Manifesto by Derrick Henry

AKA

Do I Gotta Do Everything Around Here?

Petronel

Whoops – RTD beat me to it. 🙂

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No complaint from me.

JustStopDude
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

WELCOME TO THE DERRICK HENRY STIFF ARM CLINIC PLEASE PICK UP YOUR NAME TAG FROM THE TABLE BY THE DOOR.

Mr. Ayo

They really should put those name tags on the floor. It’ll make things easier.

Col. Duke LaCross

Wow. He ran that like a grown-ass man.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like the Army recruitment ads are getting progressively more violent. In two or three years they will actually show troops kicking down doors and shooting grandmothers in the face.

King Hippo

would be a mighty potent recruiting tool around these parts

/especially if abuelas imo godbless

Redshirt

Its based on the Commander in Chief. Before was “Promote Peace”, or “Better Yourself”, or “Create a Career”. Now its “Waffen-SS USA!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Seriously. That last ad was straight up blitzkrieg.

King Hippo

lets you know how well the “higher calling” tack worked, yeah?

blaxabbath

Army didn’t meet their recruiting goal this year either.

Shocking that youth don’t want to volunteer to be shat all over by those support then most. Good thing southerners have those coal mines (and the welfare state) to keep them breathing and suckin down opiates enough to get ‘em to the next election so rich executives can get MOAR tax cuts.

Redshirt

Wow.

King Hippo

good thing those folk done shot up they TVs before THAT

King Hippo

/also think that SWAG! might just not be coming back

//sorry, Ian

Ian Scott McCormick

I don’t know them

litre_cola

Oh. My. God. WHERE THE FUCK WAS THAT ALL SEASON YOU FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gratliff

The Vaunted Jaguras Defense

Mr. Ayo

HOLY SHIT!

Gratliff

Gronk thinks this is a chewing gum commercial