Scared you, folks still in the Little Drummer Boy derby, didn’t I? I had to wander into a mall today and it is quite difficult conversing with sales clerks while you have cotton stuffed in your earholes. That’s right, I play to win. I hope the wife is happy with the XXXL pyjamas I bought her…
TO THE GAME!
Chargers/Chiefs:
Here we jizz! Ah… “Is”. Sorry. “Is”. A recent newcomer to the site by the name of Vlad The Impaler asked me the question, What exactly is at stake here? Well, Vladdy, quite a bit. For one thing, the naming rights to Riversbot 9.0. For another, the race to finish more than 10+ wins over the Raiders. This is serious business fellas.
I’m a simple man. While you nerds swallow your ‘next level’ stats like DVOA, WAR, Adjusted Jocks Per Possession, 5th Down Passes Defensed, Time of Possession by Evil Spirits and Missed Tackles by One-Handed Rookie Linebackers, I’m taking a hard look at Points Against and I see that the Bolters are only behind the Ravens, Texans and Titans at 270 in the AFC. It sure do look like Bosa (he wasn’t around for week 1’s 10 point loss) and Company need to find an answer to the equation that Mahomes and Friends have formulated. I say this because Rivers’ TD/Int ratio for his last 4 trips to Arrowhead are sitting at 2/6. “But”, you say, in that nasally voice that I can’t stand, “KC is down to their 3rd string tailback-what about that, Tide Pod for brains?” “Meh”, I reply, “the Chiefs O keeps running (get it?) on all cylinders no matter the circumstance. This is just a plug-in and play scenario”. [scrawls ‘one’ under my name on non-existent blackboard]
Lays Ketchup chips were at one time more ketchupier than they are now. You can’t prove me wrong.
That’s some cold blooded shit right there.
Finish them Philip.
I know that look. They’re clearly reading my thesis
BECAUSE MY KIDS WON’T LEAVE ME ALONE FOR 15 SECONDS!
/runs off crying and severe blue balls
Well, I’m really glad “Daddy Yogurt” didn’t come up in this conversation.
Because if you leave it on the floor in the middle of the night, somebody is going to slip and fall.
Yeah, usually me.
DAMN IT!!
“What happened? What was that noise?”
“Honey, I slipped in my own Daddy Yogurt again.”
“AGAIN? You are going to get CTE.”
“Honey, I wore my helmet this time.”
“…….”
“But, Daddy… why’s there so much, and so many places?”
“Because Mommy works too damn much, and you and your sister don’t understand the concept of ‘alone time’ yet. Now, continue watching Frozen, so Daddy can at least finish this laundry.”
(no innuendos here; I’ve given up doing work when they’re awake, because all they do is try to kill themselves, or each other)
They need to turn up the sound.
It builds on this.
There’s a bit in the final season of Beavis and Butt-head where Beavis mentions that he has a masturbation helmet.
You don’t?!?
DFO clubhouse watching the LOLphins Hook and Ladder last week.
When asked about the Khalil Mack and Amari Cooper trades, Mark Davis replied with “In the future, we might be saying, ‘Damn!’
No shit
Mahomes is very much the real deal, but do the Chiefs have a signature win this season? No, no they do not. The closest they have is last week’s overtime squeaker against the Ravens, I think.
What do you mean a “signature win”? That is hawt taek talk. They’ve beat 11 out of 14 on their schedule. Look; I hate the division teams too, but jesus.
Fair enough. Perhaps my overexuberance has gotten the better of me.
That’s OK, let’s pick on their defense……. everybody else is.
That happens sometimes when you watch a division game naked and oiled up. Hippo can do it, but the rest of us can be rash.
Hippo has a rash?
Well, he’s a betting man and odds are it is far more than one.
I mean, they have beaten the Chargers and Steelers this year already.
But I ask you, what the hell does a signature win even mean?
The was wild….wacky even.
I just found out that I could’ve watched TNF on Twitch through Amazon. Then I saw Joe and Troy and nearly threw away my laptop.
We think it’s bad with rivers now, wait till he converts mormanisim and has like 63 kids
1,397 less than The Sex Canon.
987 of those he didn’t eve have to penetrate. Many he wasn’t even in the same room.
The Lord Provides
The Chargers are SO much better than those loser Rams.
hell yea!!!!
those last 2 TDS are awesome!!!!!!! needed those for Fantasy football sooo badly!!!!!
Someone isn’t reading 50 Shades of Grey
I don’t think Stoya is even going to answer her damn phone.
Eat it all KC.
“Okay.”
A. Reid Kansas City, MO
“Yes, eat all the KFC.” – K. Benjamin, when asked about his postgame plans
“No.”
-The rapper/ producer dude who does not eat pussy.
That joke was much better in my head.
The other noises in there are not nearly as melodic though.
Amazing, amazing stuff.
Eat a cows ass Reid. Fuck you, you have Philly stink.
Not really. I hate Reid and Philly.
Squib?
Playoff Chefs!
(jaw drops)
SUPER Chargers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Come on, Chargers. Fake 2pt Conversion Drop Kick.
Kicking is not their strong suit
Float for the Almighty
Yes, go for two!
BIG BALLS!!!!
NO CATCH
Does Andy Reid know it isn’t the playoffs yet?
ONE JOB, KC.
British announcer: “der’s nuttin wrong wit dat. He just wanted to shake hands wit him.”
Chargers win helps the Pats, right? Explains everything.
YUPPPPP
The receiver just literally showed everyone the pass was uncatchable. How is there Pass Interference?
Technically, he caught it. Just beyond the end line is all.
Pray to your yellow flagged god!
THAT CALL I CALL IT REVLON CAUSE IT WAS MAKEUP.
oh, bullshit
BLEEERGH!!!!
stunned
Oh, fuck off, everyone! Is a defender supposed to stop in midair?!
Gotta be some quality Laserface .gifs coming out of that.
Float it
oh, just fuck off
OK.